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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

401 replies

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:20

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ?

we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society,

So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

OP posts:
blebbleb · 18/12/2022 08:05

*was rich

emptythelitterbox · 18/12/2022 08:09

Because those without get butthurt and resentful for other's good fortune.

They claim the rich hate the poor but you find its the poor who truly hate the wealthy and can get quite agressive about it.

It only takes a few times of your home being broken into, people trying to sponge money off you, your newer car keyed or damaged , hurled verbal abuse or tall poppy put downs, to make you withdraw into your shell and keep a distance from those types.

Then of course, you get called up yourself and snooty.

TodayInahurry · 18/12/2022 08:10

I always wonder why people want to discuss finances on line with people they have never met? Most of the people I know in my daily life are reasonably well off. We would never sit down and discuss what we or husbands earn.

Most of them don’t have children so are therefore better off, some have more than one horse however and several dogs! We only have one dog and one horse and no Range Rover.

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 08:28

@girlmom21 God I don't know who you associate yourself with but before I was a mother I wasn't juggling to get to work like this. But back to the point I'm not bitter that I'm not on 90k and never will be because that is life.

You have gone off topic and your post is now digging at part time workers. The point is regardless a teacher, nurse isn't going to earn 90k and that's fine.

However I don't believe all I read on MN anyway. Just like you know people who "claim" they need to work part time. I actually know my own friends circumstances..

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 08:30

@TodayInahurry exactly makes one wonder.

autienotnaughty · 18/12/2022 08:33

Why do people keep staring threads aimed at attacking those on a low income?

GertrudeBell · 18/12/2022 08:37

Interesting thread which illustrates OP’s point; it’s very difficult to start a thread about higher earners without having half of Mumsnet jumping down your back.

Theres is a lot of talk about tone deafness and the idea that people who are not well off shouldn’t have to read threads about people with money.

I would agree if this was a site specifically aimed at those who are struggling; but it’s not. Much of MN’s advertising income is derived from the size of its audience and the fact that it enables advertisers to access middle class shoppers. But then it seems that the expectation is that those MNers will stay quiet about anything which discusses their privilege.

I think it is a really unhealthy herd mentality. It makes the site very one dimensional and dull. I also think it encourages fragility; if someone finds it difficult to see threads about a MNer buying a house for £1.5m, is it also difficult to see expensive houses in real life; watch television showing pictures of anything aspirational; see expensive cars on the street and friends who are well dressed etc? There will always be people who are better off; that’s just life.

I am doing well now but have struggled financially at times and when I did I liked the escapism of knowing that there were better things out there and aspiring to a different life.

The politics of envy also always looks only in one direction. Every single MNer is fortunate compared to the poorest both in this country and especially around the world. Applying the logic of those who object to threads mentioning wealth, there would be no MN as we should not talk about anything which might appear trivial to those worse off than us. Of course the reality is that those posters do want to continue to use MN but that their position is fundamentally hypocritical.

A problematic side effect of this hard mentality is that it is seen as acceptable to demonise the wealthy and in the context of MN to attempt to shut down their discussions or attempts to seek support. Eg the stuff about the OP’s spelling error. Why is this ok?

As is illustrated by this thread, this contempt is often coupled with misconceptions about how much money constitutes being so rich that someone is no longer entitled to have financial problems. Eg the example of £90k income used by the OP; if you happen to live in London this will buy a moderately poor quality of life as the vast majority of that income will go into housing costs. There is no room for cars, holidays, private education. Increases to the cost of food and utilities will absolutely be a source of stress. Yes they could theoretically move out of London to go somewhere cheaper, but leaving your home, family, friends, kids’ schools and job is also massively stressful and so people in that situation will seek support. As this thread demonstrates, unfortunately, the knee jerk response from many on here is to tell them that it’s their own fault for mismanaging their money or to sneer that the problem doesn’t exist (“diamond shoes too tight” etc).

Those who are more seriously wealthy also don’t deserve the opprobrium they receive on here. It is not a crime to be well off and indeed their spending habits help to support society; eg a MNer who has nannies, cleaners and gardeners, or is engaged in a luxurious renovation, all help to create work and wealth for others but are likely to be slated on here whether or not they are a good human being.

It boils down to nasty tribalism, and an absence of critical thinking and kindness, and makes MN a worse place.

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 08:41

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 08:28

@girlmom21 God I don't know who you associate yourself with but before I was a mother I wasn't juggling to get to work like this. But back to the point I'm not bitter that I'm not on 90k and never will be because that is life.

You have gone off topic and your post is now digging at part time workers. The point is regardless a teacher, nurse isn't going to earn 90k and that's fine.

However I don't believe all I read on MN anyway. Just like you know people who "claim" they need to work part time. I actually know my own friends circumstances..

Im not digging at anyone except the part time worker having a pop at the OP.

Tuichi · 18/12/2022 08:41

user2859453 · 17/12/2022 19:35

Though if you go to the property board you can speak of your huge property, massive kitchen, Quooker tap etc. very odd

Yep. I remember the bowls of rage on a thread where the op was saving £2k a month into a pension on a £60k salary. Meanwhile, on another thread an op got nothing but encouragement for taking out a monster mortgage that certainly could not be serviced on £60k. I queried it and someone replied that it was because one was debt and the other an asset. Made no sense to me as an explanation!

Redebs · 18/12/2022 08:42

My daughter's friend was in tears earlier this week. She fell asleep with her heating still on and then couldn't afford to put it on to warm the house for a few hours each day when her children come home from school.

Her eldest has autism and he's finding it particularly uncomfortable to wear extra layers of clothing indoors. He gets angry when he can't understand why the house is so cold.

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 08:44

@girlmom21 yes you was. This is how bun fights start on the thread. Then you even had the audacity to question about why someone is part time... Read your own words.

Zipps · 18/12/2022 08:44

Because instead of learning about personal finance and actually doing something about it themselves, people prefer to do naff all about it other than blame those that are better off than them, for why they aren't wealthy.
Especially the magical- if we all vote Labour everyone will be equal rubbish when in actual fact people with money don't care which party is in because it doesn't really effect them.

LolaSmiles · 18/12/2022 08:47

You live within your means, though, so someone on £90k is likely to have a bigger mortgage/bigger house/higher bills so are being impacted proportionally
But they are still in a position to have a lot more choices than many people, so complaining about how tough it is that you might have to drop one of your holidays or cut back on the luxuries in your food shop is going to sound ridiculous.

It's not the salary that winds people up. What winds people up are people with substantially more financial security and more options than the majority of people acting like they've got no choices and are struggling.

crisscrosscringle · 18/12/2022 08:50

TodayInahurry · 18/12/2022 08:10

I always wonder why people want to discuss finances on line with people they have never met? Most of the people I know in my daily life are reasonably well off. We would never sit down and discuss what we or husbands earn.

Most of them don’t have children so are therefore better off, some have more than one horse however and several dogs! We only have one dog and one horse and no Range Rover.

Grin god I love mumsnet

the80sweregreat · 18/12/2022 08:51

I don't envy those with large homes as it's double the costs of everything isn't it ?
I read that Stacey solomons 'pickle cottage ' is in need of many renovations etc and it must cost loads to heat and upkeep.
Would be nice to have , but sometimes the grass isn't always that much greener plus the heating bills alone must be huge!

MrsDoyle351 · 18/12/2022 08:54

Hooverphobe · 17/12/2022 19:28

I think many of us are simply astounded that someone earns 90k but doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, and there and their. 🤷‍♀️

Grin Xmas Grin

That's exactly what I thought - very funny.

And just for the record OP - those threads are hardly taboo. There seem to be endless posters having a good old stealth boast or not such a stealth boast about their massive wage package and how tough things are for them.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2022 08:56

Zipps · 18/12/2022 08:44

Because instead of learning about personal finance and actually doing something about it themselves, people prefer to do naff all about it other than blame those that are better off than them, for why they aren't wealthy.
Especially the magical- if we all vote Labour everyone will be equal rubbish when in actual fact people with money don't care which party is in because it doesn't really effect them.

I don't think Labour voters in general believe their vote will make everyone equal

I think those who have money and assets certainly care about which party is in government.

Scottishskifun · 18/12/2022 09:00

LolaSmiles · 18/12/2022 08:47

You live within your means, though, so someone on £90k is likely to have a bigger mortgage/bigger house/higher bills so are being impacted proportionally
But they are still in a position to have a lot more choices than many people, so complaining about how tough it is that you might have to drop one of your holidays or cut back on the luxuries in your food shop is going to sound ridiculous.

It's not the salary that winds people up. What winds people up are people with substantially more financial security and more options than the majority of people acting like they've got no choices and are struggling.

This post is full of assumptions that a family on 90k is simply making decisions on luxuries this isn't the case they are really concerned about keeping a roof over their heads. They are locked in on contracts im not saying its everyone on this type of salary but you presume they have lots of spare cash well that's dependent on a the family.
In the oil and gas turndown in Aberdeen a few years ago there was a gentleman who turned up to a foodbank in a Porsche which was due to go back as everything was on finance and they had lost their job.

Downsizing is all well and good in practice but you have to have the cash in the first place to sell for the fees and then stamp duty/land tax or be able to find a rental property in the area.

Zipps · 18/12/2022 09:00

I like the finance threads because we don't talk about money in real life enough.
The threads about someone on a high income but struggling might seem daft but I've seen it lots in real life in my job. High income does not equal rich especially if you are clueless with money and spend every penny. Same as people who manage brilliantly on a middling income and people assume they have hidden money when they have actually saved regularly, invested when possible, research the best deals etc.

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 09:00

I wouldn't say I'm rich, but I am fortunate. I never really talk about finances as I was brought up to think that it was something that should be kept private. I don't have any problems with anyone else doing as they want.

MrsDoyle351 · 18/12/2022 09:02

A problematic side effect of this hard mentality is that it is seen as acceptable to demonise the wealthy and in the context of MN to attempt to shut down their discussions or attempts to seek support. Eg the stuff about the OP’s spelling error. Why is this ok?

I think you meant 'herd' mentality. Xmas Grin

The reason it's okay is because we are trying to have a laugh and poke fun at the rich people....Mumsnet does not always have to be supportive for every last little thing. And having more money than sense just might be one of them.

Palacepicker · 18/12/2022 09:09

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:30

I earn well in excess of that and don’t know my left and rights.

Sometimes you don’t need to be good at something to earn well

Oh this is me - I also have zero sense of direction and poor spacial awareness - people take this piss out of me - it's quite embarrassing. And I think most people know the difference between your and you're, and there and their - they might not always type it though.

Ifailed · 18/12/2022 09:16

I suspect it's nothing more than empathy. Many on here can understand someone struggling on a tight budget because they are either going through it or have done so in the past.
It's not so easy to understand someone on £90k struggling, as most of us will never get to earn so much and therefore cannot understand the 'problem'.

Palacepicker · 18/12/2022 09:21

It's not the done thing to rub your good fortune in other people's noses.

GertrudeBell · 18/12/2022 09:22

MrsDoyle351 · 18/12/2022 09:02

A problematic side effect of this hard mentality is that it is seen as acceptable to demonise the wealthy and in the context of MN to attempt to shut down their discussions or attempts to seek support. Eg the stuff about the OP’s spelling error. Why is this ok?

I think you meant 'herd' mentality. Xmas Grin

The reason it's okay is because we are trying to have a laugh and poke fun at the rich people....Mumsnet does not always have to be supportive for every last little thing. And having more money than sense just might be one of them.

Yes I did mean herd mentality.

Why is it okay to poke fun at someone seeking help or having a hard time?