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Original poster

Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

401 replies

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:20

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ?

we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society,

So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:27

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 08:44

@girlmom21 yes you was. This is how bun fights start on the thread. Then you even had the audacity to question about why someone is part time... Read your own words.

You're starting the bun fight.

I haven't questioned anyone.

If you're offended maybe ask yourself why.

the80sweregreat · 18/12/2022 09:30

The problem with today's society is jealousy.
I know it's a human emotion and can't be helped, but people don't count their blessings enough either.

timefortinsel · 18/12/2022 09:30

GertrudeBell - great post.

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 09:31

@girlmom21 I'm not offened. Nobody is forcing you to reply. You have made assumptions about people you don't even know that we'll, stating part time people are "claiming".

90k doesn't mean anything it's how you manage your money and it depends where you live also. I. Just calling you out but I am certainly not offended by your judgement and lack of poor awareness.

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:32

To prove OP's point, there's another thread running about which expensive items they've bought that are worth it and there's someone complaining the threads in bad taste because of the cost of living.

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:33

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 09:31

@girlmom21 I'm not offened. Nobody is forcing you to reply. You have made assumptions about people you don't even know that we'll, stating part time people are "claiming".

90k doesn't mean anything it's how you manage your money and it depends where you live also. I. Just calling you out but I am certainly not offended by your judgement and lack of poor awareness.

Lack of poor awareness? Grin nice try to be goady.

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 09:35

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:32

To prove OP's point, there's another thread running about which expensive items they've bought that are worth it and there's someone complaining the threads in bad taste because of the cost of living.

Sounds like a useful thread to me

Fairislefandango · 18/12/2022 09:36

YANBU. Obviously there are sometimes goady or crashingly insensitive posts in threads where people are experiencing real poverty and serious financial problems, but to suggest that nobody can discuss anything which some other MNers might not be able to afford or relate to their own financial situation is absurd.

I think many of us are simply astounded that someone earns 90k but doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, and there and their.

Cheap shot, and pretty ignorant. I'm pretty astounded that someone could think that a person who wasn't taught to write well, or who maybe has dyslexia, shouldn't be able to have a highly successful career.

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:36

It's a good one @Daffodilis

AIBU to ask you what is expensive but worth it? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4700067-aibu-to-ask-you-what-is-expensive-but-worth-it

burnoutbabe · 18/12/2022 09:37

Someone on 90k can still be in debt and living beyond their means. If they posted asking for debt advice it would actually be easiest to help them sort it out as more things can be cut out or downshifted (over time)

So it's worthwhile to have that sort of post as it aids us all to see how these debts happen (spending more than you have,considering say an annual bonus as always happening) and how to renegotiate debts etc

If we can't have these honest discussions here, they will just go to less judgemental sites like moneysaving expert. So everyone here misses out on knowledge and advice.

Daffodilis · 18/12/2022 09:39

girlmom21 · 18/12/2022 09:36

It's a good one @Daffodilis

AIBU to ask you what is expensive but worth it? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4700067-aibu-to-ask-you-what-is-expensive-but-worth-it

Thank you

Greensky90 · 18/12/2022 09:40

@girlmom21 I thought you would respond. Ohhh and that thread you posted I actually commented on and agreed I thought it was a good idea of what people would buy with 2k!

Peacelily38 · 18/12/2022 09:46

GertrudeBell · 18/12/2022 08:37

Interesting thread which illustrates OP’s point; it’s very difficult to start a thread about higher earners without having half of Mumsnet jumping down your back.

Theres is a lot of talk about tone deafness and the idea that people who are not well off shouldn’t have to read threads about people with money.

I would agree if this was a site specifically aimed at those who are struggling; but it’s not. Much of MN’s advertising income is derived from the size of its audience and the fact that it enables advertisers to access middle class shoppers. But then it seems that the expectation is that those MNers will stay quiet about anything which discusses their privilege.

I think it is a really unhealthy herd mentality. It makes the site very one dimensional and dull. I also think it encourages fragility; if someone finds it difficult to see threads about a MNer buying a house for £1.5m, is it also difficult to see expensive houses in real life; watch television showing pictures of anything aspirational; see expensive cars on the street and friends who are well dressed etc? There will always be people who are better off; that’s just life.

I am doing well now but have struggled financially at times and when I did I liked the escapism of knowing that there were better things out there and aspiring to a different life.

The politics of envy also always looks only in one direction. Every single MNer is fortunate compared to the poorest both in this country and especially around the world. Applying the logic of those who object to threads mentioning wealth, there would be no MN as we should not talk about anything which might appear trivial to those worse off than us. Of course the reality is that those posters do want to continue to use MN but that their position is fundamentally hypocritical.

A problematic side effect of this hard mentality is that it is seen as acceptable to demonise the wealthy and in the context of MN to attempt to shut down their discussions or attempts to seek support. Eg the stuff about the OP’s spelling error. Why is this ok?

As is illustrated by this thread, this contempt is often coupled with misconceptions about how much money constitutes being so rich that someone is no longer entitled to have financial problems. Eg the example of £90k income used by the OP; if you happen to live in London this will buy a moderately poor quality of life as the vast majority of that income will go into housing costs. There is no room for cars, holidays, private education. Increases to the cost of food and utilities will absolutely be a source of stress. Yes they could theoretically move out of London to go somewhere cheaper, but leaving your home, family, friends, kids’ schools and job is also massively stressful and so people in that situation will seek support. As this thread demonstrates, unfortunately, the knee jerk response from many on here is to tell them that it’s their own fault for mismanaging their money or to sneer that the problem doesn’t exist (“diamond shoes too tight” etc).

Those who are more seriously wealthy also don’t deserve the opprobrium they receive on here. It is not a crime to be well off and indeed their spending habits help to support society; eg a MNer who has nannies, cleaners and gardeners, or is engaged in a luxurious renovation, all help to create work and wealth for others but are likely to be slated on here whether or not they are a good human being.

It boils down to nasty tribalism, and an absence of critical thinking and kindness, and makes MN a worse place.

Great post Gertrude, sums up what I think too.

timefortinsel · 18/12/2022 09:48

"To prove OP's point, there's another thread running about which expensive items they've bought that are worth it and there's someone complaining the threads in bad taste because of the cost of living."

Yes it's so predictable. I knew just from seeing that title that the self-proclaimed thread police would be out to proclaim it "tone deaf."

Perhaps MN should make it clear that the only acceptable AIBU should be "heat or eat." Any other topic is BANNED.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 18/12/2022 09:50

I think people compare the £90k income to their own outgoings. So for my household on £30kish that would in theory leave us with £60k per annum spare.

But if we had a yearly income of £90k we wouldn't be living to a budget of £30k. Our financial commitments would be much higher. So people living to their means on £90k can still financially struggle when their financial commitments rise just like everyone else.

Justcuriouser · 18/12/2022 09:50

It's not "considered" or "perceived" rich though. £90k IS rich. The average salary in the UK is £31k.

Many richer folk come across is tone deaf, like the above.

Lampzade · 18/12/2022 09:54

If I don’t like the topic of a thread or if it makes be uncomfortable or resentful .I simply don’t click on it
Why should posters be prevented from stating their truth just because others are resentful or envious ?

timefortinsel · 18/12/2022 10:00

Surely if people see a thread that winds them up - er, don't go on it???

People on here strangely seem to think posts are somehow personal to them. They seem to think of MN as "their space" or something along those lines and, for this reason, seem to think it's acceptable to exclude people from discourse - or 'poke fun at THEM' (as a poster abound just put it). But surely, everyone realises this is the internet and, if this forum is worth its salt at all, it needs to appeal to everyone from all demographics. Otherwise, it's dead in the water really, isn't it.

Why people would think everyone on an open forum would or should be like them I've no idea. When they are out and about, don't they see that some people are wealthier than others? Do they tell them to stay in and shut up?

Peacelily38 · 18/12/2022 10:01

Justcuriouser · 18/12/2022 09:50

It's not "considered" or "perceived" rich though. £90k IS rich. The average salary in the UK is £31k.

Many richer folk come across is tone deaf, like the above.

But your tax and NIC is high on 90k, you are looking at paying around 30k in tax and National insurance contributions.
So left with around 60k, I definitely don't consider that rich personally.
I also consider that a huge amount of money to contribute towards society.

Pedallleur · 18/12/2022 10:06

Don't think we want to know the hardship of your new range rover or Tesla being delivered late. Someone I know was working on an IT issue for someone in the company who was earning 80k per month. Not the CEO just someone higher up. Good for them to earn that but it's still a shock to see it.

Palacepicker · 18/12/2022 10:43

I met up with one of my old uni friends, he was quite the socialist at Uni - would still have very left-leaning political views, from a working-class background, seems to have modest needs. I know between him and his wife they earn about £200k between them (they both work in Gov jobs, so it's easy to work it out) - he expressed surprise that he didn't feel richer - he always imagined someone in his position would be rolling around in £50 notes with no money worries.

Amberfromcamber · 18/12/2022 10:44

Just checked the UK tax calculator tool, on a salary of 31k the take home is 2091 and on 90k is 5104, so taking a two person household on 31k each they would take home 4183, so 900 pounds less than the 90k household assuming 1 earner.

So of course the 90k household is better off but it's not to the extent that might be expected and not covering holidays to the Caribbean, horses and trips to Monaco as mentioned upthread.

Ifailed · 18/12/2022 10:44

It's not "considered" or "perceived" rich though. £90k IS rich. The average salary in the UK is £31k.

Average full-time salary in the UK is £33k, or £66k for a couple.

whumpthereitis · 18/12/2022 11:20

Pedallleur · 18/12/2022 10:06

Don't think we want to know the hardship of your new range rover or Tesla being delivered late. Someone I know was working on an IT issue for someone in the company who was earning 80k per month. Not the CEO just someone higher up. Good for them to earn that but it's still a shock to see it.

Then don’t read a thread about it?

Shockingly enough, not every thread posted on here is going to apply, or be of interest, to you. You’re not obliged to participate in them.

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/12/2022 11:37

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:26

Unless you abolish being rich and make it so everyone has a set amount each,. their will always be various people's different levels of capital, it just seems almost taboo that you have to not ask just because their is always others that have different capital amounts.

There are levels of inequality today that haven’t been seen since the Second World War. Coupled with a lack of awareness of quite how unusual it is to have an income of £90k or more.

Can you imagine sitting around a table with a group of people on median wage (a third of your income) discussing which bit of luxury spending you’re thinking of reducing?