Page 3 | Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

Hawkins001 · 2022-12-17T19:20:09+00:00

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ? we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society, So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

Orangio · 17/12/2022 19:50

TeenDivided · 17/12/2022 19:49

I think it's the phrasing that matters.

e.g. Earning 90k, saying 'can't afford' or 'struggling' v 'we committed to private fees so can't prioritise X'

e.g. 'My DC's GCSE results were awful, they only got 7s' v 'DCs results were good, but still below what school predicted, we feel a bit disappointed'

This is what I was trying to say, but better! 😁

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:50

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:45

Not sure I Understand can you explain your perspectives please ?

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You first. Who makes up "the SEN brigade"?

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 19:50

Sindonym · 17/12/2022 19:46

I said people can post whatever they like.

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Yes and I was pointing out it’s not the same as standing in group and discussing it. As most people wouldn’t discuss the things they do here in RL.

You say people can post what they want, but that also it’s ignorant. I disagree.

If a thread is about earning a high wage, it would be more like someone discussing wages and someone on a lot less coming over and calling people ignorant for having a discussion. You have no obligation to join the conversation, if you don’t like it. Surely it’s ignorant to disparage people for chatting about something you feel isn’t appropriate (but is with min the the guidelines). You could just choose to not take part.

Usernamen · 17/12/2022 19:51

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:47

But not factually incorrect, so many on here seem to gravitate towards threads where they can either accuse children of being NT, any naughty behaviour ‘must be NT’

or on the flip side there is a competitive who has the most difficult to live with child race to the bottom. Someone can’t post they’re upset their NT child refuses school because someone else will be along to tell them they’re lucky as their NT child can’t speak or needs a tube.

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Agree with this.

I think ‘competitive misery’ sums it up.

Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:51

Orangio · 17/12/2022 19:47

I think there's an element of rubbing salt in the wound, but it's worse than that actually.
So for example you get people who have a very intelligent child posting about their various super abilities: there's nothing wrong with that in theory, but it might be upsetting to someone who is worrying about their child's learning difficulty. It rubs salt in their wound.
BUT there is nothing the parents of the academically gifted child can do to help the parents of the of the child having difficulties. Knowing that others have been dealt a better hand is something you can accept.

In the case of poor Vs rich, the rich people (and yes £90k is rich compared to the average salary) COULD, if they chose, share their wealth. If all rich people did this, the country would have less poor people. Many rich people choose not to share their wealth. They would prefer three foreign holidays a year whilst a mile away people struggle to keep warm. If that's their choice that's that, but I think it's insensitive to the point of vileness to post publicly about their riches. In this case, poorer people know that others have been dealt a better hand, but also that they choose not to use it all to help those less lucky. It's hard to imagine why people wouldn't want to help your freezing four year old.

If you have a genuine point to discuss, you can do it without banging on about exactly how much spending money you have per month. "Help me invest £20k wisely for the future" is better than "We've got a spare £2k per month while even Henry's private school fees don't eat into".

I can understand and appreciate your perspectives, but then is that then that the less well off would prefer a communist system over a capitalist system, or do we need a third way ?

OP posts:

MaryMollyPolly · 17/12/2022 19:51

Jazz12 · 17/12/2022 19:31

Since when did making £90k become RICH? 🤔🤔

Because it is. It’s vastly more than the average and medium levels. And the fact that some people can’t see that it is so is part of the problem. Also, the same people often say they are “average earners” when they aren’t.

Florenz · 17/12/2022 19:51

If you earn 90k, you're rich. Even if you live in London.

Afterfire · 17/12/2022 19:52

We are a low income, disability benefits family.

I have no issue whatsoever with people earning more than us, and I actually enjoy reading some of the threads where people discuss fancy holidays etc. My issue is when those people seem to think that they earn more because they’ve worked harder than everyone else. That’s simply not true. Most people who earn more do so down to a combination of luck - good health, good family support, being in the right place at the right time (not necessarily all 3) and motivation - which is hard if you don’t have those other 3 things. They often forget that disability and terrible things can and do happen to anyone and can completely devastate your available life choices and this can lead to low income - as in our case. I used to be a senior marketing manager for Chanel for fucks sake. And other luxury brands.

I don’t really care that we’re relatively poor, I just hate people assuming I never worked before or wasn’t intelligent. And that’s the smuggery I hate on the high income threads.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 17/12/2022 19:53

GreenLunchBox · 17/12/2022 19:47

I don't think this is true. 90k isn't a high income by any stretch of the imagination

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And comments like this - '£90k isn't a high income' are exactly what people on the NMW to average income scale find grating.

Florenz · 17/12/2022 19:53

Only about 2% of UK households earn £90,000 or more. And that's households, not individual people. If you're in the highest earning 2%, you're rich.

user2859453 · 17/12/2022 19:53

There is certainly competitive coldness on here

Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:53

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:50

You first. Who makes up "the SEN brigade"?

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Not a clue

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Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:55

Afterfire · 17/12/2022 19:52

We are a low income, disability benefits family.

I have no issue whatsoever with people earning more than us, and I actually enjoy reading some of the threads where people discuss fancy holidays etc. My issue is when those people seem to think that they earn more because they’ve worked harder than everyone else. That’s simply not true. Most people who earn more do so down to a combination of luck - good health, good family support, being in the right place at the right time (not necessarily all 3) and motivation - which is hard if you don’t have those other 3 things. They often forget that disability and terrible things can and do happen to anyone and can completely devastate your available life choices and this can lead to low income - as in our case. I used to be a senior marketing manager for Chanel for fucks sake. And other luxury brands.

I don’t really care that we’re relatively poor, I just hate people assuming I never worked before or wasn’t intelligent. And that’s the smuggery I hate on the high income threads.

Much appreciated for your perspectives, I can understand your points.

OP posts:

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 19:55

I think I am being really dim. Why do people keep mentioning ‘The SEN brigade’? Where has that come from?

Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:56

underneaththeash · 17/12/2022 19:49

OP your posts really do not make sense.
read them back before you post.

It usually seems correct in my mind, but then when typed it's a different kettle of fish.

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PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:57

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 19:55

I think I am being really dim. Why do people keep mentioning ‘The SEN brigade’? Where has that come from?

If you read the thread it helps to understand

Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:57

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 19:55

I think I am being really dim. Why do people keep mentioning ‘The SEN brigade’? Where has that come from?

That's what puzzles me,.I even googled it and just got military brigades

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DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:57

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:53

Not a clue

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I know you didn't say it, by the way. But I am surprised that you can't see why describing parents of ND children as a "brigade" like some sort of rabble-rousing mob is offensive.

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:58

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:50

You first. Who makes up "the SEN brigade"?

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I replied to your question, if you bothered to read. The OP didn’t say anything about SEN so not sure why you’re aiming this at them!

Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:58

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:57

If you read the thread it helps to understand

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Then I'm up the creak without a paddle. I've not a clue

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Sindonym · 17/12/2022 19:58

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 19:50

Yes and I was pointing out it’s not the same as standing in group and discussing it. As most people wouldn’t discuss the things they do here in RL.

You say people can post what they want, but that also it’s ignorant. I disagree.

If a thread is about earning a high wage, it would be more like someone discussing wages and someone on a lot less coming over and calling people ignorant for having a discussion. You have no obligation to join the conversation, if you don’t like it. Surely it’s ignorant to disparage people for chatting about something you feel isn’t appropriate (but is with min the the guidelines). You could just choose to not take part.

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OK

(we have a high household income btw - before I get accused of being green with envy).

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:59

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:58

I replied to your question, if you bothered to read. The OP didn’t say anything about SEN so not sure why you’re aiming this at them!

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Read my last post.

It was a shitty thing to say.

PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:59

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:57

I know you didn't say it, by the way. But I am surprised that you can't see why describing parents of ND children as a "brigade" like some sort of rabble-rousing mob is offensive.

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Some on here are, it’s breathtakingly inaccurate to claim there isn’t a group at least of some SEN parents on here who are very bitter and jump on anyone discussing some (in their view) milder traits in others children.

Its a race to the bottom for those parents.

Stop moaning your child is refusing school, mine will never walk type comments

Original poster

Hawkins001 · 17/12/2022 19:59

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:57

I know you didn't say it, by the way. But I am surprised that you can't see why describing parents of ND children as a "brigade" like some sort of rabble-rousing mob is offensive.

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Then can you find a specific quote to backup your perspectives please ?

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PetrasPony · 17/12/2022 19:59

DashboardConfessional · 17/12/2022 19:59

Read my last post.

It was a shitty thing to say.

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An accurate thing to say