Why is it taboo to discuss finances on mumsnet if your considered rich ?

[Hawkins001]

don't want to make this a thread about a thread, but if your earning say around 90k etc, as an example why is it taboo to try to discuss spending priorities in the current climate ?

we live in a capitalist society, and their has always been different levels of wealth across all sectors of society,

So is it a case of everyone has to wait until a certain level has been achieved across society before the rich or perceived rich can discuss spending priorities on mumsnet ?

No, but equally I can’t imagine being in a room filled with people from all walks of life, looking at the various tables for discussion set up, deciding to join one that is in no way relevant to me, and proceeding to complain about this fact.

That’s more analogous to mumsnet, where there isn’t just one room, or table, to read.

I find it strange that people follow Instagram influencers who are outwardly living the dream. Getting all your furniture, accessories etc. Gratis, then getting paid to promote it doesn't bother folks as much

What 'people'? Personally, I'm not even on Instagram. No interest at all in 'following influencers'. I can make up my own mind about furniture and so on.

My issue is when those people seem to think that they earn more because they’ve worked harder than everyone else. That’s simply not true. Most people who earn more do so down to a combination of luck - good health, good family support, being in the right place at the right time (not necessarily all 3) and motivation - which is hard if you don’t have those other 3 things.

Totally agree @Afterfire When I hear wealthy people say "I've worked hard for what I earn" (often in things like finance, business, or marketing) my first reaction is "So do care workers yet they earn a fraction of what you do, and I'd argue their job is more worthy". Sad how the jobs I consider the most valuable to society are often low paid (and usually done by women), yet the high earning ones tend to be about business persuading people to part with their money, or services to help those with money make even more. It's warped to me.

but objectivtly they have worked hard - studying for a exams/degree/professional exams later on, working long hours to get promotions/ going for new jobs etc

Now, that doesn't mean HARDER than others may work, just they do work hard and often have stresses others do not (if you are a manager you have probably had to consider people for say redundancy at least once in your career for example).

A lot of people here say they don't want a career, just do their 9-5 then go home and thats fine.

This post is full of assumptions that a family on 90k is simply making decisions on luxuries this isn't the case they are really concerned about keeping a roof over their heads. They are locked in on contracts im not saying its everyone on this type of salary but you presume they have lots of spare cash well that's dependent on a the family.

In the oil and gas turndown in Aberdeen a few years ago there was a gentleman who turned up to a foodbank in a Porsche which was due to go back as everything was on finance and they had lost their job.

Downsizing is all well and good in practice but you have to have the cash in the first place to sell for the fees and then stamp duty/land tax or be able to find a rental property in the area

The bottom line is that people earning £90k have vastly more options than most people.
For a start in many situations they have had a huge amount of choice what to do with a substantially larger salary than most people.

The whole poor them driving around in a Porsche but they actually need to go to food banks is the sort of thing that probably winds people up. If someone is earning close to a hundred grand a year and choose to prioritise having an unnecessarily flash car over having some float to weather rough times then more fool them.

People with large salaries and valuable assets who prioritised those things over float for a rainy day don't get to pretend they're in the same boat as people who never had the chance or the means to save for a rainy day.

Yes, this.

Like somehow, admitting that some people work just as hard, or maybe harder and get little financial reward takes away from the people who get a better financial reward for their hard work.

It doesn't really, it's the way the world works (which imo is wrong) but it's like people feel the need to justify earning more by assuming they work harder, so that's why they earn more, not because some work just isn't valued as highly as it should be, considering the contribution to society etc that isn't financial, and has very little to do with the actual amount of work someone puts into the job.

That and the attitude that if you don't earn enough money to have more than a very basic standard of living, you're lacking in some way as a person or spending it all on the wrong stuff - yet get all irate and upset when someone who can't cope on twice as much gets told the same thing........

Someone asked a while ago who the 'squeezed middle' actually are, and I replied that to me they seem to be the people who are fond of telling poorer people that they are doing something wrong and that's why they're poor, but now the cost of living is affecting them, and they're struggling or 'squeezed' it's suddenly all unfair and nothing to do with spending, having personal responsibility or any of the other advice that is dished out to the poorest in society.

It’s not a competition though, is it? I don’t think someone with a higher income feeling the cost of living is saying they’re in the same boat as someone on less, but they are still feeling it.

It’s relative. Someone struggling on 15k in the UK is significantly better off than someone living in poverty in Burundi, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t having issues or shouldn’t talk about it.

Personally you're one of 68 million folks

this sounds so wistful

Well then, there appears to me to be a very obvious solution.

These elite heroes of our age can go and set up their own forum. Where they'll be able to discuss the important matters of the day free from the interference of the plebeian scum.

It can be called the Platform for Pondering Prevailing Privileged Problems.

It's not a race to the bottom though is it and the assumption that someone on a higher salary is only concerned about luxury holidays is a load of rubbish they have concerns about significant mortgage and fuel cost increases.

I don't judge what someone decides to do with their money be it flashy car or having sky TV, a iPhone or deciding they want labelled trainers. It's up to them to budget.
My db is a low income family he buys cigarettes his choice to spend that money.

Can they now, forum master? Or can they just continue to post on this large and diverse platform, which isn’t (and has never been) the sole preserve of the less well off.

You not liking such threads is a you problem. If they bother you that much the onus is on you to not read them.

Yes, that's the point I was making. PP seemed to assume 'people' were on Instagram without defining 'people' in the context.

It's not a race to the bottom though is it and the assumption that someone on a higher salary is only concerned about luxury holidays is a load of rubbish they have concerns about significant mortgage and fuel cost increases.

I don't judge what someone decides to do with their money be it flashy car or having sky TV, a iPhone or deciding they want labelled trainers. It's up to them to budget.
My db is a low income family he buys cigarettes his choice to spend that money.

Of course it isn't a race to the bottom

But it is also totally disengenous of those who have, and have had, substantially more money than most people to pretend that they're in the same boat as people who are struggling.

If someone has £90k+ and their choices involve prioritising a big house, a flash car etc instead of having some backup for a rainy day, they don't have the right to act like they're in the same boat as people on average or below average wages.

I don't judge them for what they choose to spend their money on (as you say it's their choice), but I do judge them if they start whining on about how difficult it is to have an expensive house/expensive car/no savings when they're incredibly privileged.

I think its become a popular modern narrative to be a victim of something, doesnt matter what. Its like you dont have anything valuable to contribute unless you grew up in/or currently live poverty, are a member of an oppressed (either historically or now) group, have some degree of disability or SEN, you're the dispossessed young and your experiences mean that someone who doesnt have any of those characteristics shouldnt talk about their lives.

I fall into many of the above categories but I keep that out of discussion as much as possible, some people seem to like it wear those things as badges. I dont know where it came from. Its like a reverse snobbery. You're only worth anything if you're working class, poor etc.

Its now become abhorrent to be a middle class, middle aged person!

Yes there is huge inequality, and yes a lot of well-off people definitely do not seem to realise or acknowledge that their wealth is down to a big dollop of very good luck as well as hard work (of which a lot of less weathy people do just as much).

It can be called the Platform for Pondering Prevailing Privileged Problems.

This is an open forum. It's not ok to try to impose this moral purity thing where only lower earners are allowed to talk about saving or spending money. Shall we also get rid of anyone who has a nice partner, because some people have awful ones? And ban anyone ever talking about going on holiday, because some people can't? And anyone talking about their child doing well at anything, because some don't?

Not discussing higher income issues is simply unhealthy. There’s a lot to be learned regarding tax exemptions or debt management or stress from poor performing portfolios.
even if it’s just becoming aware of the terminology.
The relationship board is full of financial weirdness; my bf has 5K of debt should LTB? Surely is proportional and when asked what the bf earns it’s top secret, separate finances bs.
if money is shrouded in secrecy then a person is really hobbling themselves.
i had a work colleague (nurse) who did well financially day trading stocks. She gave little group seminars to staff, gals bought shares and added to their pension pots. Really cool stuff.

Its now become abhorrent to be a middle class, middle aged person!

I don't think it is.
I don't think people care if someone is middle aged or middle class.

There's a part of life that involves reading the room.
Talking on a finance board about concerns regarding your mortgage probably isn't going to get people's backs up. Talking on a private school board about easy wins to make fees more affordable isn't going to get people's backs up. Asking on a board for recommendations for an expensive item because you'd rather spend the money up front and have an item that lasts, or on a holiday board discussing expensive holidays isn't going to get people's backs up. None of those things will bother anyone because everyone's situation is different and that's life.

Going on AIBU to moan that you're not sure how you're going to manage when you're sitting in a 5 bed house with almost £100k a year income and then getting arsey when people rightly point out that you're very fortunate and have options is going to cause backlash. It's not the income that's the problem.

or maybe MN can continue as is. And people can just not open, read and comment on threads they don’t like.

Maybe MN could open some more boards. You have to prove your income to get in. Only for those earning large amounts. The vast majority of people wouldn’t be happy that their income was a barrier to accessing certain parts of the site.

It’s been said several times, but MN has never been designed to support low income households only. That’s never been what it is or trying to be or aims to be.

By posting and interesting here, you are choosing to interact with people of all different backgrounds, income, family life etc. If you don’t like the thread, you are free not to read it. Or hide it. You not liking a thread or a subject doesn’t mean it should be there.

This and other similar posts are propped up on straw men.

The point being made is that someone on £90k can still find themselves in a difficult position, and can genuinely be affected by things like CofL increases, despite their income. Against this background it is suggested that their attempts to discuss matters or seek support in this forum should not be shut down.

@LolaSmiles and others respond by saying that someone on £90k shouldn’t “pretend” they’re in the same boat as someone on a lower salary, or complain when their problems are caused by having spent their money on a Porsche.

Literally no one has suggested that. It’s a problem which simply doesn’t exist. Rather than answer the question actually in front of them, @LolaSmiles is pretending that the issue is totally different, and creating bogeymen, in order to score points.

Anyone has the right to post about anything but it’s about tone and nuance and reading a room isn’t it? Also where you post.

If you post a question about private schools in the education board that’s one thing.

If you post something on AIBU about not being able to afford to put both kids through private schools because you’re so hard up you have to be aware that that is likely to wind up someone who is struggling to heat their home.

You live within your means, though, so someone on £90k is likely to have a bigger mortgage/bigger house/higher bills so are being impacted proportionally

That’s true. But luckily for them they have more choices. If they don’t like how much they are paying they have the power to change it.

Nobody forces anyone to get a big mortgage. It’s what they fancied and that’s that. So although it’s affecting them proportionally and they might be struggling in their own way, it’s just not the same as true struggling.

Do not take this the wrong way. Um...a more pertinent question would be...why you have no friends on your income level to discuss this with? With respect, of course.

Do not take this the wrong way. Um...a more pertinent question would be...why you have no friends on your income level to discuss this with? With respect, of course.

What an odd thing ask. You can't imagine why people might prefer to canvass opinion and seek advice about potentially delicate questions about their personal financial situation on an anonymous forum, with a huge number of posters, rather than with friends?