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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend quit his job ...im paying for everything aibu?

159 replies

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 18:39

My boyfriend who I live with quit his job over a month ago,he was having issues with higher management.
Over a month later and no sniff of a job.
He has zero money and I mean not even 50p
I pay the rent -the bills -food etc
His dad lives 5 hours away and is going home for two nights for a funeral.
He refuses to ask his dad for money (his dad has a lot of money ).
He is going home for his aunts funeral and said it's inappropriate.
I have told him I'm struggling with all the rent /bills etc
He has no car now as he can't afford to get it fixed.
It's my birthday Christmas Eve and he's already told me he doesn't have a car.
I have him the money to buy my Christmas present and he has said he will give me it back when he gets a job.
Surely he should ask his dad for some money?
I bought his coach tickets home too

I will get nothing for my birthday /no meal out or even a Christmas drink

Aibu ?

OP posts:
Bonjovispyjamas · 17/12/2022 23:50

Stop being such a mug and don't let him back.

Jazz12 · 18/12/2022 00:11

If the roles were reversed, would all the posters here encourage the man to leave the woman because “sponging is deeply unattractive?”

Sponging is deeply unattractive, yet men are expected to work full time and still “help” their housewife wife at home.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/12/2022 00:14

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 19:00

I posted before about him
He had his own flat
He wanted to move in I wasn't ready
He stopped paying rent and got evicted and moved in -said he couldn't afford rent
Then he bought two cats and I'm now feeding them
I bought his ticket home not his dad

I haven't read your previous thread, but just going on what you have posted in this thread, he is a manipulative parasite and you need to have him gone.

This funeral he is attending? It can definitely work for you. He has his ticket and will be there for two nights, you say? Perfect. Phone him on the evening of day two and tell him not to come back. Change the lock to ensure he cannot get back into the flat. (This can be done quite cheaply, B&Q have a video that shows you how.) Maybe buy a chain for the door too. Do not open the door to him without the chain staying on.

He has deliberately made himself homeless and unemployed. He is not your responsibility. Get shot of him NOW.

AthenaPopodopolous · 18/12/2022 00:17

Surely he should sign on at the job centre if he has no job? No?
mare you committed to this man that you live with? It doesn’t sound like you are really. What if you left your job in similar circumstances? Would he support you?
or is it feeling like he is taking the piss and taking you for a fool?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 18/12/2022 00:17

He's a parasite and will drain you, financially and emotionally
Seriously Get rid

MaryBeardsShoes · 18/12/2022 06:49

Jazz12 · 18/12/2022 00:11

If the roles were reversed, would all the posters here encourage the man to leave the woman because “sponging is deeply unattractive?”

Sponging is deeply unattractive, yet men are expected to work full time and still “help” their housewife wife at home.

Only where the woman has taken time out to look after children, and rightly so.

MaryBeardsShoes · 18/12/2022 06:50

I mean it's right that a spouse supports another spouse in this situation. Not it's right a woman has to take time out for child-rearing.

WineCap · 18/12/2022 08:44

Oh you're an absolute mug. You knew it was coming, everyone told you. You have no one to blame but yourself. Grow a backbone and boot him out. In fact, I would tell him that you'll drop off his things and not to come back.

Naunet · 18/12/2022 08:49

Jazz12 · 18/12/2022 00:11

If the roles were reversed, would all the posters here encourage the man to leave the woman because “sponging is deeply unattractive?”

Sponging is deeply unattractive, yet men are expected to work full time and still “help” their housewife wife at home.

Are you seriously having this much difficulty working out the difference between a boyfriend who pushed to move in just a few months earlier, and a married couple where one is a stay at home parent by agreement?!

Paq · 18/12/2022 08:51

Cocklodger. Just kick him out.

Jazz12 · 18/12/2022 08:54

Naunet · 18/12/2022 08:49

Are you seriously having this much difficulty working out the difference between a boyfriend who pushed to move in just a few months earlier, and a married couple where one is a stay at home parent by agreement?!

Show quote history

There are plenty of “girl friends” who do this! The BF is expected to be supportive !

DDivaStar · 18/12/2022 08:54

He stopped paying rent abd got evicted.
He moved in with you despite you saying you didn't want him to.
He won't sign on because he won't go to the interviews.
He's made no attempt to get a job, temporary or otherwise.

Honestly get rid, he's never going to be worth it, he just can't be bothered. Tell him not to return after the funeral.

ScarlettSunset · 18/12/2022 08:59

If he had been actively seeking work then supporting him for a short time would have been a kind thing to do. As it sounds like he's making no effort then the best thing to do is to get him out of your life before he wrecks it.

emptythelitterbox · 18/12/2022 09:07

This creep is using you.
He doesn't even like you.

While he's gone, change your locks and block him.

You've posted about his cocklodger ways before.
Why are you still with him?

ThreeLittleDots · 18/12/2022 09:18

He's a dickhead who flounced out of a job because he didn't like being told off, took his former landlord for a mug and is too highly and mighty to sign on. No wonder an employer won't go near him.

Change the locks. Keep the cats.

Yabado · 18/12/2022 09:34

I remember your previous post

There is absolutely no way between your last post - around a month -6 weeks ago where you wrote he wanted to move in with you that’s he’s been evicted legally by the courts

The landlord has to give him at least 2 months notice and then if he’s not left go through the court process to evict him

This is taking several months at the moments

what happened is he stopped paying rent
pocketed the money ( where is that money ) and decided to move in with you by stealth because he knows your a soft touch responsible & desperate for a bloke and he can cocklodge
with you and you won’t kick him out

This was a calculated move by him

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 18/12/2022 10:53

He is playing you for a fool.
I'll bet he guilt trips you into handing your money over to him.

kingtamponthefurred · 18/12/2022 11:36

The only decision you need to think seriously about is whether to keep the cats or leave them beside the front door with the rest of his stuff.

Sonyrecording · 18/12/2022 11:56

I remember you Op. I also think you'll answer minor questions but not address the issue of why you are letting him do this. You were warned on your previous thread and yet, here you are. Kick him out before you're destroyed financially. You're nothing but a meal ticket to him.

Naunet · 18/12/2022 12:04

Jazz12 · 18/12/2022 08:54

There are plenty of “girl friends” who do this! The BF is expected to be supportive !

Show quote history

A woman who just doesn’t want to work a few months into moving in with a guy? Err, no, I don’t think he would be expected to be supportive.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/12/2022 12:27

What does he bring to your relationship? He sounds awful.

billy1966 · 18/12/2022 12:31

You were well warned🙄

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 18/12/2022 12:33

Toddlerteaplease · 18/12/2022 12:27

What does he bring to your relationship? He sounds awful.

Cats, by the look of it.

Pack up his stuff and don't let him back in. He isn't getting any better

scaredoff · 18/12/2022 12:37

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 19:02

No he just quit and said he would find something new

I don't know which I find harder to understand: the fact that some people would just do this and assume that their partner will support them, or the fact that some partners (usually women, I'm afraid) allow themselves to be steamrolled into it.

Send him to live at his dad's. When he's got a job and can pay his way then think about moving in together IF you want to, but with proper boundaries next time.

MintJulia · 18/12/2022 12:40

Someone with no savings doesn't have the choice to walk out of his job.

Cut back hard on food and heating, make him uncomfortable with HIS decision. When a previous boyfriend did that to me, I turned teetotal and vegetarian the same weekend. We had an absolutely storming row when he realised I wasn't going to keep him in the manner he wanted but he had a job 9 days later. 😊

Don't put up with this shit.