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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend quit his job ...im paying for everything aibu?

159 replies

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 18:39

My boyfriend who I live with quit his job over a month ago,he was having issues with higher management.
Over a month later and no sniff of a job.
He has zero money and I mean not even 50p
I pay the rent -the bills -food etc
His dad lives 5 hours away and is going home for two nights for a funeral.
He refuses to ask his dad for money (his dad has a lot of money ).
He is going home for his aunts funeral and said it's inappropriate.
I have told him I'm struggling with all the rent /bills etc
He has no car now as he can't afford to get it fixed.
It's my birthday Christmas Eve and he's already told me he doesn't have a car.
I have him the money to buy my Christmas present and he has said he will give me it back when he gets a job.
Surely he should ask his dad for some money?
I bought his coach tickets home too

I will get nothing for my birthday /no meal out or even a Christmas drink

Aibu ?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 17/12/2022 19:30

So he got himself evicted deliberately because he wanted to freeload off you and you let him move in?
You carry on subsidising him OP, it's saving some other woman the bother of him.🙄

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/12/2022 19:32

It's the perfect way to ensure he doesn't come back to financially abuse you some more - tell him to stay there as it's over and you'll return his shit once he's paid you back.

Blinkingheckythump · 17/12/2022 19:32

For gods sake grow a back bone will you and chuck him

Honeyroar · 17/12/2022 19:36

You have the perfect opportunity to finish this while he’s away. Tell him not to come back. Pack his stuff up. Keep the cats. He has no job or relationship- he doesn’t need to come back..

Couldyounot · 17/12/2022 19:39

I don't much like the word cocklodger but is it ever apt here.

Flounced from job
Won't sign on
Won't do this or that
Expects you to pick up the tab for everything

Nah, bollocks to that. He needs to leave.

Nanny0gg · 17/12/2022 19:39

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 19:05

Nope I didn't want any pets at first but now I do love them.
I'm also now paying pet insurance for them too

You know you're being taken for a mug don't you.

So why won't you dump him?

Eatentoomanyroses · 17/12/2022 19:42

No cocklodgers

Quveas · 17/12/2022 19:43

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 18:44

I'm all fairness his dad knows he has zero money so surely he should offer
I just can't afford to pay for us both

Why should his dad pay for him? You don't want to. And that's fair enough. But nobody owes him a living. You are being unreasonable expecting his dad to pay for him. He's a grown up. His responsibility.

strawberry2017 · 17/12/2022 19:46

Tell him not to bother coming back, change the locks and be done.

AnyFucker · 17/12/2022 19:49

I remember you

Are you listening yet ?

echt · 17/12/2022 19:49

You could change your name to Axminster

OR

Think what advice you'd give to your daughter is such a situation.

Rainbow1901 · 17/12/2022 19:52

Too bad that he won't be going to the funeral then!! You can't pick up the tab for everything at home and give him the money to go.
If he's foolish enough to ask family for money on a day when everyone is going to be emotionally charged then I imagine someone will put him right!! He needs to get a job and pay his way or you need to show him the door.
While I'm in the group that says you should support each other when times are difficult - the fact that you are both more concerned about birthday gifts when money is tight says you both need to grow up!! Life is harsh at times - you just roll with it and maybe catch up some other time.

LumpyandBumps · 17/12/2022 19:53

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 18:47

He won't claim UC as he won't attend the interviews and told me he would have a job by 5 week wait

But it’s been more than 5 weeks and he still doesn’t have a job. Has he even had any interviews?
Can you really ever see him being an equal partner in your relationship?
It’s a shame you bought him a return ticket.

Workinghardeveryday · 17/12/2022 19:55

Love is blind… think about that seriously

Yabado · 17/12/2022 19:55

Please stay with him OP
at least while he is cocklodging off you
every other women is safe from him

you are doing a women a great service

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2022 19:56

he should be able to pick up some type of work while he searches for something better.

really he should just know better than to quit a job before finding another. Unless his mental or physical safety were in jeopardy, he needed to just muddle through if he had no savings.

his choices are not your responsibility. Stop financing him and tell him he has to move out. If he has a train ticket, it’s a perfect time to take his things and to stay with family and look for a job there.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 17/12/2022 19:57

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 18:44

I'm all fairness his dad knows he has zero money so surely he should offer
I just can't afford to pay for us both

This is not on his dad! Your BF quit his job without having another job to go to - this is on him and him alone! What is he doing in terms of job seeking? Has he signed up with any agencies? Tbh, getting rid of him is the best idea.

CrabsInABarrel · 17/12/2022 20:00

justthecat · 17/12/2022 18:41

Hope it was a one way ticket

This.

bonzaitree · 17/12/2022 20:00

Why on earth would you stay with him? Tell him he needs to leave.

work on your self esteem. No one would think this is normal or acceptable

AreOttersJustWetCats · 17/12/2022 20:00

navywallstays · 17/12/2022 19:00

I posted before about him
He had his own flat
He wanted to move in I wasn't ready
He stopped paying rent and got evicted and moved in -said he couldn't afford rent
Then he bought two cats and I'm now feeding them
I bought his ticket home not his dad

Jesus wept. Just dump him already.

HotChoxs · 17/12/2022 20:01

It's the cats I feel sorry for, they have no say in this.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 17/12/2022 20:03

Ditch now!!!

EllieRosesMammy · 17/12/2022 20:07

How old is he? Cause this sounds like the behaviour of a teenager not an adult. The entire hospitality industry is crying out for staff right now, I can guarentee if he applied for a job at the company I work for he would basically be handed one (although from what you've said it sounds like he has a pretty bad attitude).

Itloggedmeoutagain · 17/12/2022 20:14

He's a fully grown adult but so are you. If my husband said look I'm sorry but I can't afford to buy you a present I would accept it. Buying presents can wait. No, his dad shouldn't pay for him, he should get a job. It's the busiest time of the year in the hospitality industry, it's the busiest time for delivery drivers, supermarkets, shops whatever. He needs to stand on his own two feet

cjh1969 · 17/12/2022 20:17

You have a waste of a boyfriend, but it is his dad you are annoyed with because you think he should be giving him money to help with the bills and take you out for your birthday. Why should the dad step in? It was your boyfriend's decision to put himself out of work, knowing he had no savings or safety net.