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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it rude to show up very early?

123 replies

BigMama32 · 17/12/2022 15:51

I was due to have an In law come today, I had planned babies naps etc to fit in with this.
she came 1.5hrs early with no text or phone call to check if it was ok to. I think it was impolite to do this with no notice, what does everyone else think?

OP posts:
Peridot1 · 17/12/2022 15:51

It’s just as rude as being late.

IamSmarticus · 17/12/2022 16:11

If I was expecting someone at 2:00pm and they turned up at 12:30pm, I would not be happy (or ready!) and I don't have any children.

Hbh17 · 17/12/2022 16:18

Very rude. In future, just don't answer the door if the person turns up so early.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2022 16:20

It's very, very rude. Anyone who does this has no fucking sense whatsoever.

houseofboy · 17/12/2022 16:20

Kind of depends who they are and what the relationship is, and why they were coming. If it's a formal invite of your partners cousin would be different to you mil popping over for a coffee.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2022 16:22

houseofboy · 17/12/2022 16:20

Kind of depends who they are and what the relationship is, and why they were coming. If it's a formal invite of your partners cousin would be different to you mil popping over for a coffee.

No, it does not depend on who they are. If you have made agreed upon plans for them to arrive at 2pm, it is extremely rude of them to show up excessively early. You made plans for that time for a reason.

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2022 16:22

It’s rude to show up excessively early.

but there is a caveat for people traveling long distances. If you expect a journey to take 8 hours and instead you make really good time and get there in 7, I don’t think the traveler should have to sit somewhere waiting to knock.

for family that lives far away, we have an expected arrival range that is white large, not a specific, just because the journey is so unpredictable.

35965a · 17/12/2022 16:22

Very rude. I have a family member who does this so when my DC were babies it would absolutely drive me nuts.

QueefQueen80s · 17/12/2022 16:23

Yes just as rude as being late.

jannier · 17/12/2022 16:27

Depends on the relationship and if you only do formal invites. My in-laws are like family so I'd be come on in put the kettle on I'm just finishing up....but if I didn't like them I'd be different....do you stand on ceremony at their house?

HelloTreacle9 · 17/12/2022 16:29

My in-laws do this. Invite them for lunch (‘come here any time after 12, we’ll be eating at 1’) and they arrive at 11. I am frequently not dressed/ready/still dashing round with the hoover or food prep. It drives me mad. Last time I gave DH strict instructions to say ‘please do not arrive before 12’ and they pulled in the drive at 11.30. I find it so rude and thoughtless. The moment they arrive they want to talk at me, want fresh coffee etc too and it looks like I’m stressed and disorganised, when if they’d arrived when I was expecting them everything would be done and I’d be able to focus on them.

IglesiasPiggl · 17/12/2022 16:32

I avoid arriving any more than five minutes early - it is so rude to expect people to be ready way before the agreed time.

thelobsterquadrille · 17/12/2022 16:35

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2022 16:22

It’s rude to show up excessively early.

but there is a caveat for people traveling long distances. If you expect a journey to take 8 hours and instead you make really good time and get there in 7, I don’t think the traveler should have to sit somewhere waiting to knock.

for family that lives far away, we have an expected arrival range that is white large, not a specific, just because the journey is so unpredictable.

In that case, I'd expect a text in advance saying something like "Hi Jane - miraculously we've made really good time and can be with you for 12pm, or if you have plans we can pop to (coffee shop) for a bit beforehand?"

IndieK1d · 17/12/2022 16:35

I used to have a friend who'd either turn up early or late, rarely on time. Including the one where he turned up some 2 hours early. He lived 5-10 minutes away

mondaytosunday · 17/12/2022 16:37

Yes it's rude and would be a nightmare for me - the house would not be tidy and I may well be out getting last minute things! Plus if cooking a meal - well they'd be spending their time waiting. Sure it wasn't an innocent mistake? Your partner could take them for a walk?

otherwayup · 17/12/2022 16:38

I think it's ruder than being late!!

nokidshere · 17/12/2022 16:39

(‘come here any time after 12, we’ll be eating at 1’)

That's easily solved by telling them to come after 1. I mean, if you know they will always do it just change the time to suit yourself.

It's different if they are hours away because who knows how long a journey takes.

Emmamoo89 · 17/12/2022 16:42

Yes its very rude

Ponoka7 · 17/12/2022 16:44

It is rude, but if it was close family, I'd carry on getting stuff done around them. My sister expects to turn up at any time and my DD to sit and 'host' but she doesn't have the time. So she just carries on as if my sister isn't there.

Dagnabit · 17/12/2022 16:47

YANBU - my mil used to do this despite living very locally. When it was a 5 minute drive, she used to say she didn’t know how the traffic would be! Now it’s a 5 minute walk and she has now got the message but we mentioned it every single time so it eventually sank in.

MaggieFS · 17/12/2022 16:50

Rude. If someone did that to me, I'd have no qualms about plonking them on the sofa, saying 'sorry I'm not quite ready yet' and ignore them I carried on with my chores.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/12/2022 16:51

Of course it’s rude.

Tell her not to do it next time

woodhill · 17/12/2022 16:52

It's highly rude and annoying

woodhill · 17/12/2022 16:53

HelloTreacle9 · 17/12/2022 16:29

My in-laws do this. Invite them for lunch (‘come here any time after 12, we’ll be eating at 1’) and they arrive at 11. I am frequently not dressed/ready/still dashing round with the hoover or food prep. It drives me mad. Last time I gave DH strict instructions to say ‘please do not arrive before 12’ and they pulled in the drive at 11.30. I find it so rude and thoughtless. The moment they arrive they want to talk at me, want fresh coffee etc too and it looks like I’m stressed and disorganised, when if they’d arrived when I was expecting them everything would be done and I’d be able to focus on them.

My ils were like this. I find it so annoying

It seems to be people with too much time on their hands

Tulipomania · 17/12/2022 16:55

Yes, it is extremely bad manners.

Did they say why?

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