He does 'get it', and is totally aware - by which I mean he does understand and realise how little he does and how much you do. He just thinks this is the natural order of the world, how it should be, and he doesn't want to change. So he won't change, and you can't make him.
You may have threatened to end the marriage but he doesn't believe you will ever do it - he sees it as an empty threat, just part of the 'nagging'. Was it an empty threat? Did you actually mean it - that you would divorce him? Or was he right in his assessment?
As for strategic incompetence, yes it is very real, and a surprisingly large number of men do this. They joke about it together, and swap tips about 'managing the missus', in men's spaces when there are no women around (except the ones behind the bar or trade counter serving them, who don't count.)
Don't underestimate the extent and pervasiveness of misogyny. Germaine Greer famously said "Women have very little idea of how much men hate them." Whilst hate is a rather strong word, you can substitute words like 'disrespect', 'despise', etc. Such men fundamentally and truly believe that women are not their equals, that women's natural place is to serve and look after men, and that good women actually like doing this.
Leave before your DC start important exams, or leave straight after the last one has finished exams.