AIBU to be upset about rude plane passenger

[Willowtree88]

My partner and I have just come back from a last minute holiday with our 18 months old son. We flew out to Spain (3.5 hours flight) for a couple a days to get away together as a family after an extremely stressful few months. Due to a combination of my work contract being suddenly not-renewed, planning for a second maternity leave in a few months and some illness in the family we have been forced to sell our much-loved family home and move in with my mother. This is a massive emotional and financial upheaval for us all and we wanted to enjoy a much-needed break as a family. We had a wonderful trip (despite the usual exhaustion of being on holiday with a toddler).

When we got on the bus to the plane, it was almost empty and so I took the opportunity to sit on one of the seats with my toddler in his pram. An older couple got on after us and proceeded to (loudly) call me rude for feeling entitled to sit down. Bear in mind that I was there first, the seat was empty and there were plenty of others, I am heavily pregnant and have painful sciatica (not that this should matter). Either way, I asked the couple if they would like to sit, but they either didn’t hear me or pretended not to. Anyway, I chalked this up to airport frustrations and we board the plane and get settled into our seats. Everything is calm and my son is happily reading his books on my husband’s lap. The couple from the bus get on and (again loudly) grumble that ‘they’re sat right behind us, typical’ as they settle into the row in front of us. They then proceed to have a conversation about whether they should ask to be moved away from the child. I am getting a bit irritated by this point as it seems to be that the only offence we have committed is simply existing with a child in a public place, but I decide to not let it bother me. I also completely appreciate that people may have had difficult experiences with small children on planes or just not want to be seated next to children and are entitled to their opinions.

I had confidence in my son’s ability to manage a short flight with no fuss (because he has done so multiple times in the past) and my partner and I’s ability to support him to manage in the case that he needed it. My son has always been a wonderful traveller and my partner and I are always prepared with all the things he needs to be comfortable and be as entertained as possible whilst on board. We are highly aware of our responsibility to manage his needs and work hard to minimise disruption to other passengers whilst meeting them. We are lucky that my son has never cried or fussed on a flight and didn’t on this one.

As far as I was concerned, my son was being a delightful passenger. He played peek a boo with me, he coloured, he ate his lunch and he read his books. At one point he took an interest in the cup holder on the seat in front and pulled this down. After he did this twice, my partner stopped him doing this by distracting him with a game, not before I saw the man in the seat in front literally wincing and telling his wife ‘see, I’m going to say something.’ In fact, every time my son spoke ( I’m taking saying the word ‘snack,’ ‘peppa’ for his cuddly toy or repeating words in the book) the man would physically wince. His wife would then tell him to ‘leave it, just leave it.’ Well he didn’t leave it. About 30 mins into the flight I got up to go to the toilet and when I got back into my seat my son asked for a cuddle (he’s quite clingy with me at the moment). As I hauled my pregnant body and son back into our cramped window seat I accidentally knocked the seat in front of me with my elbow. The man in front immediately turned around and said to me quite aggressively ‘I’m only going to say this once, keep your fcking child from kicking my seat and shut them up whilst you’re at it.’ I was absolutely shocked and tried to explain that it was me who’d knocked his seat, not my son, that it had been an accident and that I wasn’t aware he’d been making any noise but I’d happily stop him the best I could if he did. The man interrupted and told me that I was an irresponsible parent and shouldn’t have a child on the plane if I can’t ‘control it.’ My partner was really annoyed at this point and defended me by saying that my son hadn’t been kicking his chair and he didn’t feel it was appropriate to talk to me like that. The man got completely irate at this and threatened to ‘fck up’ my partner when he got to the airport. He even raised his elbow as if going to hit him until another passenger stepped in to tell him to calm down.

I was really upset so I asked the flight attendant if we could be moved elsewhere which they thankfully accommodated really quickly. However, for the rest of the flight I could hear the couple loudly complaining about us and our ‘entitlement’ and how this wouldn’t have happened if I had put my child in his own seat (he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap). I have never experienced this attitude from other people before when being out and about with my child and it really shook me up. I’ve been going over and over in my head what I could have done differently to stop things from escalating the way they did but it’s really knocked my
confidence about taking my son on experiences like this, particularly on my own. Maybe it’s just the pregnancy hormones making me feel more vulnerable than usual.

I know this is a heated area and I totally
understand the agony of being on long flights with distressed and bored kids ( I used to fly multiple times a year for business and have witnessed some really awful meltdowns from passengers and kids) but I can’t help but feel we were singled out just simply because we had a child. Some of my childless friends have questioned whether or not I'm just immune to my child’s irritating noises but he was honestly reading books, watching a programme or sleeping for the entire flight. I can understand if I was being irresponsible and thoughtless towards others but I don’t feel that I was and doesn’t my child have a right to talk and interact with his family just as much as anyone else on the flight?

[Shoemadlady]

You I've done ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong!!! Stop blaming yourself, trying to find reasoning in their shitty behaviour as you'll never find it. Some people are just rude and completely empathetic to anyone around them.
Please don't give them another moment of your thoughts. Also worth remembering: people that matter don't care, and people that care don't matter x
They're not important, don't let them invade any more of your time or thoughts xx

[Thedogscollar]

They sound vile. You and your child did nothing wrong. Some people are just downright awful and unfortunately you found them on your flight.
Keep travelling with your child I hope things improve for you try not to let this spoil your holiday memories.

[Merlott]

Some people are just rude and horrible.

There was nothing you could have done any better than you did.

They were looking for a target. Some people just walk about with horrible feelings inside looking for a target.

If you hadn't been there they would have been horrible to whoever was!!

[TheUsualChaos]

Angry man who hates women and children. Sounds like his poor wife has to put up with that shit all the time. He expects to be in public spaces but all other humans using said spaces must be seen and not heard. Don't waste anymore headspace over it.

[Thelondonone]

When he was watching programmes was he wearing headphones? If yes, yanbu, if no, yabu. I am the most miserable traveller in the world but I actually like children. Kids with bells (yes you dickhead travelling to Lyon, bells are not an ok plane toy!!!!) not ok, kids watching gnomeo and Juliet in a packed train from York to London (yes, you, shit dad, quiet coach my arse!), not ok. Children not screaming are welcome-if screaming try to remove them, otherwise can’t be helped!

[laalaaleelee]

You sound like you're blaming yourself somehow. Don't. They sound like a couple of entitled pricks just looking for something to piss them off. I'm sorry this happened to you. You're entitled to be on a plane as is your child. What absolute bellends.

[minou123]

As a regular flyer, I've been on planes where a child sat behind me was kicking my seat.
As a normal, polite adult, all I had to do was kindly ask the mum/dad if thier child could stop kicking the seat.

(I'm in no way suggesting your child was kicking the seat)
My point is, rational, normal, kind, polite adults deal with situations in a polite, kind, rational way.

He was none of these things.
I think you need to flip this in your head. This man is a bully and, quite frankly pathetic. There was nothing you could do. Your child could have fallen asleep and he would have still complained.

If it helps, count your lucky stars that you're not a member of his family and dont gave to deal with him everyday.

[DuchessDandelion]

He wasn't rude, he was abusive.

[Ponderingwindow]

“he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap”

just had to correct this since someone else might read and act on it.

while under 2 are allowed to sit on laps, it is neither legally required anywhere I am familiar with, nor recommended from a safety perspective.

[shad0wm00n]

We had this on the way back from Portugal. A prick in a tracksuit tutted and swore every time my Son spoke or moved (quietly and in his own chair, wearing headphone to watch cartoons).

Tracksuit prick kept muttering about my Son kicking his chair, but Son was sat on his feet, so not possible.

Halfway through the flight TP opened a bottle of beer and dropped it in his lap and I laughed extra loudly and he glared at me!

Don’t feel bad, some people are just sour pricks 💐

[Ponderingwindow]

He sounds like the kind of person who always finds someone or something to complain about on every trip.

[Fizzadora]

@Ponderingwindow

“he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap”

just had to correct this since someone else might read and act on it.

while under 2 are allowed to sit on laps, it is neither legally required anywhere I am familiar with, nor recommended from a safety perspective.

Some budget airlines won't let you book a seat for an under 2 so they have to sit on your lap.

[Computersaysno123]

No way would or should you buy a seat just in case there is a twat near you. Would have made no difference anyway. He's a nob, you're not. Ignore. Hope you had a lush time

[Cassillero]

Stop blaming yourself. The man was rude and abusive. End of. Stop analysing your every single move because nothing at all matters other than the fact that man abused you on a flight. I'm glad you were moved away from such an aggressive prick.

[Willowtree88]

@Thelondonone

When he was watching programmes was he wearing headphones? If yes, yanbu, if no, yabu. I am the most miserable traveller in the world but I actually like children. Kids with bells (yes you dickhead travelling to Lyon, bells are not an ok plane toy!!!!) not ok, kids watching gnomeo and Juliet in a packed train from York to London (yes, you, shit dad, quiet coach my arse!), not ok. Children not screaming are welcome-if screaming try to remove them, otherwise can’t be helped!

@Thelondonone he doesn’t keep headphones on as he’s a bit little so we play it without the sound (sensory show with dancing fruit which seems to delight him even with no sound for some reason 😂). We only played this towards end of flight, after we had already moved so it couldn’t have contributed to whatever was bothering them. But I hear you, people playing music/tv on phones without headphones is a massive irritation of mine too.

[Middledazedted]

I worked on planes for a few years when young. Then as now, every so often, you would meet the most amazing twats. You me one- def them not you!

[Balaya]

I am on edge as soon as anyone with kids comes to sit near me whether it's on a plane or in a restaurant. Parents have differing ideas of how it's acceptable for their kids to behave in public and you never know what you're going to get.

However I do realise this is my issue and give myself a good talking to and avoid pulling faces until said parents have proven to be unarguably antisocial.

So YANBU, from what you say it sounds like you did absolutely nothing wrong. It is possible your version of what's acceptable is a way beyond most people's, but equally possible that this couple have a near zero tolerance for kids.

However, I'd say YABU to yourself in dwelling on this. This will happen hundreds of times and be worse once you have two. Try to become less concerned with how the arseholes of this world behave and enjoy your family without developing hang ups.

[Willowtree88]

@Ponderingwindow

“he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap”

just had to correct this since someone else might read and act on it.

while under 2 are allowed to sit on laps, it is neither legally required anywhere I am familiar with, nor recommended from a safety perspective.

Ah I wasn’t aware of this, thank you. I was just going by what the flight attendant told us, that he had to stay sitting on my lap all flight with his seatbelt on (difficult when they want to sleep)

[Bluekerfuffle]

They sound dreadful. I think you must be saints not to have said anything to them before he confronted you. What was their problem with you sitting down on the bus if there were plenty of other seats? Did they not sit down as well?

[Ponderingwindow]

@Fizzadora i have never heard this and I’ve been looking and can’t find a single example of an airline that won’t sell a seat to a child under 2. Any chance you could provide an example?

[TheaBrandt]

Honestly I deal with the general public as clients the vast majority are decent people a small minority are really special and lovely and a small minority are absolute bastards. You just have to accept this couple are in the latter category and move on. Don’t give them your headspace!

[SeenYourArse]

@Willowtree88

My partner and I have just come back from a last minute holiday with our 18 months old son. We flew out to Spain (3.5 hours flight) for a couple a days to get away together as a family after an extremely stressful few months. Due to a combination of my work contract being suddenly not-renewed, planning for a second maternity leave in a few months and some illness in the family we have been forced to sell our much-loved family home and move in with my mother. This is a massive emotional and financial upheaval for us all and we wanted to enjoy a much-needed break as a family. We had a wonderful trip (despite the usual exhaustion of being on holiday with a toddler).

When we got on the bus to the plane, it was almost empty and so I took the opportunity to sit on one of the seats with my toddler in his pram. An older couple got on after us and proceeded to (loudly) call me rude for feeling entitled to sit down. Bear in mind that I was there first, the seat was empty and there were plenty of others, I am heavily pregnant and have painful sciatica (not that this should matter). Either way, I asked the couple if they would like to sit, but they either didn’t hear me or pretended not to. Anyway, I chalked this up to airport frustrations and we board the plane and get settled into our seats. Everything is calm and my son is happily reading his books on my husband’s lap. The couple from the bus get on and (again loudly) grumble that ‘they’re sat right behind us, typical’ as they settle into the row in front of us. They then proceed to have a conversation about whether they should ask to be moved away from the child. I am getting a bit irritated by this point as it seems to be that the only offence we have committed is simply existing with a child in a public place, but I decide to not let it bother me. I also completely appreciate that people may have had difficult experiences with small children on planes or just not want to be seated next to children and are entitled to their opinions.

I had confidence in my son’s ability to manage a short flight with no fuss (because he has done so multiple times in the past) and my partner and I’s ability to support him to manage in the case that he needed it. My son has always been a wonderful traveller and my partner and I are always prepared with all the things he needs to be comfortable and be as entertained as possible whilst on board. We are highly aware of our responsibility to manage his needs and work hard to minimise disruption to other passengers whilst meeting them. We are lucky that my son has never cried or fussed on a flight and didn’t on this one.

As far as I was concerned, my son was being a delightful passenger. He played peek a boo with me, he coloured, he ate his lunch and he read his books. At one point he took an interest in the cup holder on the seat in front and pulled this down. After he did this twice, my partner stopped him doing this by distracting him with a game, not before I saw the man in the seat in front literally wincing and telling his wife ‘see, I’m going to say something.’ In fact, every time my son spoke ( I’m taking saying the word ‘snack,’ ‘peppa’ for his cuddly toy or repeating words in the book) the man would physically wince. His wife would then tell him to ‘leave it, just leave it.’ Well he didn’t leave it. About 30 mins into the flight I got up to go to the toilet and when I got back into my seat my son asked for a cuddle (he’s quite clingy with me at the moment). As I hauled my pregnant body and son back into our cramped window seat I accidentally knocked the seat in front of me with my elbow. The man in front immediately turned around and said to me quite aggressively ‘I’m only going to say this once, keep your fcking child from kicking my seat and shut them up whilst you’re at it.’ I was absolutely shocked and tried to explain that it was me who’d knocked his seat, not my son, that it had been an accident and that I wasn’t aware he’d been making any noise but I’d happily stop him the best I could if he did. The man interrupted and told me that I was an irresponsible parent and shouldn’t have a child on the plane if I can’t ‘control it.’ My partner was really annoyed at this point and defended me by saying that my son hadn’t been kicking his chair and he didn’t feel it was appropriate to talk to me like that. The man got completely irate at this and threatened to ‘fck up’ my partner when he got to the airport. He even raised his elbow as if going to hit him until another passenger stepped in to tell him to calm down.

I was really upset so I asked the flight attendant if we could be moved elsewhere which they thankfully accommodated really quickly. However, for the rest of the flight I could hear the couple loudly complaining about us and our ‘entitlement’ and how this wouldn’t have happened if I had put my child in his own seat (he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap). I have never experienced this attitude from other people before when being out and about with my child and it really shook me up. I’ve been going over and over in my head what I could have done differently to stop things from escalating the way they did but it’s really knocked my
confidence about taking my son on experiences like this, particularly on my own. Maybe it’s just the pregnancy hormones making me feel more vulnerable than usual.

I know this is a heated area and I totally
understand the agony of being on long flights with distressed and bored kids ( I used to fly multiple times a year for business and have witnessed some really awful meltdowns from passengers and kids) but I can’t help but feel we were singled out just simply because we had a child. Some of my childless friends have questioned whether or not I'm just immune to my child’s irritating noises but he was honestly reading books, watching a programme or sleeping for the entire flight. I can understand if I was being irresponsible and thoughtless towards others but I don’t feel that I was and doesn’t my child have a right to talk and interact with his family just as much as anyone else on the flight?

Just to say, he absolutely doesn’t have to sit on someone’s lap he can be in his own seat the entire time in a car seat OR just on a parents lap for takeoff and landing. We’ve bought our kids their own seat from age 12 months old as it’s absolutely awful having them on your knee all flight.
The couple were assholes but you know that, he will behave like that to the wrong person one day my DH being one of them! 🙈

[ittakes2]

@Ponderingwindow

“he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap”

just had to correct this since someone else might read and act on it.

while under 2 are allowed to sit on laps, it is neither legally required anywhere I am familiar with, nor recommended from a safety perspective.

Not that you had to but yes you can buy a seat for under 2.

[nalabae]

Why are you being so polite to these people? Who cares if they’re old they have no more rights then you.
people will pick on who they can.

[mathanxiety]

Karma was invented for people like that man.