AIBU to be upset about rude plane passenger

[Willowtree88]

My partner and I have just come back from a last minute holiday with our 18 months old son. We flew out to Spain (3.5 hours flight) for a couple a days to get away together as a family after an extremely stressful few months. Due to a combination of my work contract being suddenly not-renewed, planning for a second maternity leave in a few months and some illness in the family we have been forced to sell our much-loved family home and move in with my mother. This is a massive emotional and financial upheaval for us all and we wanted to enjoy a much-needed break as a family. We had a wonderful trip (despite the usual exhaustion of being on holiday with a toddler).

When we got on the bus to the plane, it was almost empty and so I took the opportunity to sit on one of the seats with my toddler in his pram. An older couple got on after us and proceeded to (loudly) call me rude for feeling entitled to sit down. Bear in mind that I was there first, the seat was empty and there were plenty of others, I am heavily pregnant and have painful sciatica (not that this should matter). Either way, I asked the couple if they would like to sit, but they either didn’t hear me or pretended not to. Anyway, I chalked this up to airport frustrations and we board the plane and get settled into our seats. Everything is calm and my son is happily reading his books on my husband’s lap. The couple from the bus get on and (again loudly) grumble that ‘they’re sat right behind us, typical’ as they settle into the row in front of us. They then proceed to have a conversation about whether they should ask to be moved away from the child. I am getting a bit irritated by this point as it seems to be that the only offence we have committed is simply existing with a child in a public place, but I decide to not let it bother me. I also completely appreciate that people may have had difficult experiences with small children on planes or just not want to be seated next to children and are entitled to their opinions.

I had confidence in my son’s ability to manage a short flight with no fuss (because he has done so multiple times in the past) and my partner and I’s ability to support him to manage in the case that he needed it. My son has always been a wonderful traveller and my partner and I are always prepared with all the things he needs to be comfortable and be as entertained as possible whilst on board. We are highly aware of our responsibility to manage his needs and work hard to minimise disruption to other passengers whilst meeting them. We are lucky that my son has never cried or fussed on a flight and didn’t on this one.

As far as I was concerned, my son was being a delightful passenger. He played peek a boo with me, he coloured, he ate his lunch and he read his books. At one point he took an interest in the cup holder on the seat in front and pulled this down. After he did this twice, my partner stopped him doing this by distracting him with a game, not before I saw the man in the seat in front literally wincing and telling his wife ‘see, I’m going to say something.’ In fact, every time my son spoke ( I’m taking saying the word ‘snack,’ ‘peppa’ for his cuddly toy or repeating words in the book) the man would physically wince. His wife would then tell him to ‘leave it, just leave it.’ Well he didn’t leave it. About 30 mins into the flight I got up to go to the toilet and when I got back into my seat my son asked for a cuddle (he’s quite clingy with me at the moment). As I hauled my pregnant body and son back into our cramped window seat I accidentally knocked the seat in front of me with my elbow. The man in front immediately turned around and said to me quite aggressively ‘I’m only going to say this once, keep your fcking child from kicking my seat and shut them up whilst you’re at it.’ I was absolutely shocked and tried to explain that it was me who’d knocked his seat, not my son, that it had been an accident and that I wasn’t aware he’d been making any noise but I’d happily stop him the best I could if he did. The man interrupted and told me that I was an irresponsible parent and shouldn’t have a child on the plane if I can’t ‘control it.’ My partner was really annoyed at this point and defended me by saying that my son hadn’t been kicking his chair and he didn’t feel it was appropriate to talk to me like that. The man got completely irate at this and threatened to ‘fck up’ my partner when he got to the airport. He even raised his elbow as if going to hit him until another passenger stepped in to tell him to calm down.

I was really upset so I asked the flight attendant if we could be moved elsewhere which they thankfully accommodated really quickly. However, for the rest of the flight I could hear the couple loudly complaining about us and our ‘entitlement’ and how this wouldn’t have happened if I had put my child in his own seat (he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap). I have never experienced this attitude from other people before when being out and about with my child and it really shook me up. I’ve been going over and over in my head what I could have done differently to stop things from escalating the way they did but it’s really knocked my
confidence about taking my son on experiences like this, particularly on my own. Maybe it’s just the pregnancy hormones making me feel more vulnerable than usual.

I know this is a heated area and I totally
understand the agony of being on long flights with distressed and bored kids ( I used to fly multiple times a year for business and have witnessed some really awful meltdowns from passengers and kids) but I can’t help but feel we were singled out just simply because we had a child. Some of my childless friends have questioned whether or not I'm just immune to my child’s irritating noises but he was honestly reading books, watching a programme or sleeping for the entire flight. I can understand if I was being irresponsible and thoughtless towards others but I don’t feel that I was and doesn’t my child have a right to talk and interact with his family just as much as anyone else on the flight?

[Zanatdy]

What a disgusting man. Can’t believe they were complaining about a heavily pregnant lady with toddler sitting down on a bus. Sounds like this man is known for kicking off if his wife was telling him to leave it. Don’t give it anymore thought, you’ve definitely done nothing wrong. I’ve said to parents before how well behaved their children have been. Everyone is entitled to be on that flight and he needs to wind his neck in. What a horrible man

[Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious]

Why didn't you or your husband say something the first time they were rude. I'd have called them out each and every time. Both him and her were bullies. Horrible people.

[Thepossibility]

He just sounds like one of those men that walk around in a rage, going off at people constantly.
My father is one of those.
His DP points out other innocent people that he can rage at to get the focus off of her.
It hasn't got anything to do with you or your family, don't worry. He would have been bitching about something else if you weren't there

[lifeinthehills]

What a horrible, miserable person. That's what you risk when you fly economy class. Maybe they should be buying in business class for more space?

I find it easy to ignore people's children on flights. Not my problem, so I can shut them out and just be glad that's not me anymore.

[user1494050295]

@Merlott

Some people are just rude and horrible.

There was nothing you could have done any better than you did.

They were looking for a target. Some people just walk about with horrible feelings inside looking for a target.

If you hadn't been there they would have been horrible to whoever was!!

This exactly

[DarkAndDusty]

What a horrible experience I would be absolutely fuming. Some people are just miserable gits.

But as a aside I don't believe it's a legal requirement for under 2s to sit on an adult's lap. I think the rule is that after 2 you must buy them their own seat.

[PawPaworPapaya]

There is no mystery to solve here. You didn't do something wrong. These people are, quite simply, dickheads. You bore the brunt of their dickhead behaviour. Tomorrow it will be a different person suffering through it.

Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong, and reframe this in your mind - you were unfortunate to be sitting behind a pair of total dickheads, who behaved like dickheads. End of story.

Here's hoping that the couple's luggage was lost, they had to wait ages for a taxi, and that their boiler was broken when they finally got home.

[Morestrangethings]

The old bloke was an arsehole, a vicious old git looking for something to be shitty about and give him his reason for living. He would probably love it if he knew he was taking up room in your head. So don’t give him another thought.

[Bien22]

The best ‘revenge’ is to live well.
What a miserable life he must have.

[Msloverlover]

Your only response to this couple should have been, what a pair of c*nts. They are obviously, from your first interaction, just bad people. You spend far too much of this post explaining and defending yourself and your son for absolutely no reason.

i mean this kindly but don’t let people walk over you in this way. My guess is he was a vile bully and sensed a weakness in you during your first interaction. As a heavily pregnant woman, you get seat priority and that’s exactly what you should have said. Why would you offer them the seat? From then on, I think he knew he was able to play power games with you and win. You can’t ever placate someone like this, you have to meet them on their own terms and not accept their absolute bullshit.

[HollyDollyChristmas]

Sounds like they were a horrible pair that had their minds made up that your child was going to be an issue regardless.

Not sure of the relevance of your first paragraph but I am going to bite. If things are so financially dire how can you justify spending even a few hundred pounds on a holiday?

[Twiglets1]

That man was a complete twat. Try not to dwell on it because you can’t reason with stupid and he is stupid.

[Simonjt]

Some people enjoy being unpleasant.

I flew out to Japan for the rugby world cup and took my then four year old in business class, we had a similar idiot who moaned everytime my son dared to breathe. She had a go that he asked me to take him for a wee as apparently a child talking at a completely normal volumn is absolutely defeaning, but her getting drunk and screaming and shouting is perfectly fine.

[LaBellina]

That bastard should have been arrested for his agressive behavior on a flight and threatening your husband. I hope he gets food poisoning and has the worst holiday of his life. You have done literally nothing wrong and they were just bullies looking for a victim.

[Taillighttoobright]

Sounds like you've met my dad. I wish your husband had hit him.

[Bournetilly]

What a horrible man!
I would of said something back to him each time he said something though!

[panko]

Oh my goodness. They shouldn't use shared transport if other people annoy them just by existing.

What horrible angry people.

[EasterIssland]

You didn’t do anything wrong. If they can’t take being near a child for a few hours then it’s their problem. If they don’t want to be near kids then maybe they’ve to fly with airlines that have first class which probably families won’t be able to afford

[GnomeDePlume]

YANBU

Every extended family has a couple like this in it somewhere. One of them complains loudly about their pet hate. The other tries to appease them and dies a little inside when they go off again.

I expect he will be complaining about you to friends and family for the next time until a new target for his own, personal, brand of spite comes into view.

His audience will inwardly roll their eyes and wonder when they can decently leave.

[Swissnotswiss]

Take solace from the fact that I guarantee that everyone who knows this man believes him to be an absolute cockwomble. Then don't think about him anymore. Have a lovely holiday.

[girlmom21]

@Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious

Why didn't you or your husband say something the first time they were rude. I'd have called them out each and every time. Both him and her were bullies. Horrible people.

Probably because they didn't want any conflict in front of their young son in a small enclosed place.

[Soonenough]

The fact that he cursed and threatened your husband speaks volumes. Horrible thug of a man. There is no reasoning with these kind of morons. I would much rather have your son next to me on a journey than the likes of him.

[Helpfulhaddock]

As others have said, you can phone and book a seat for under 2s. We did this with Ryanair when our daughter was flying two weeks before her second birthday.

[Herejustforthisone]

Some people are cunts. They were two of them. 🤷‍♀️

[20viona]

I think you were far kinder than I would have been. I'd of said something from the moment they were rude to you on the bus, arseholes!!