My partner and I have just come back from a last minute holiday with our 18 months old son. We flew out to Spain (3.5 hours flight) for a couple a days to get away together as a family after an extremely stressful few months. Due to a combination of my work contract being suddenly not-renewed, planning for a second maternity leave in a few months and some illness in the family we have been forced to sell our much-loved family home and move in with my mother. This is a massive emotional and financial upheaval for us all and we wanted to enjoy a much-needed break as a family. We had a wonderful trip (despite the usual exhaustion of being on holiday with a toddler).
When we got on the bus to the plane, it was almost empty and so I took the opportunity to sit on one of the seats with my toddler in his pram. An older couple got on after us and proceeded to (loudly) call me rude for feeling entitled to sit down. Bear in mind that I was there first, the seat was empty and there were plenty of others, I am heavily pregnant and have painful sciatica (not that this should matter). Either way, I asked the couple if they would like to sit, but they either didn’t hear me or pretended not to. Anyway, I chalked this up to airport frustrations and we board the plane and get settled into our seats. Everything is calm and my son is happily reading his books on my husband’s lap. The couple from the bus get on and (again loudly) grumble that ‘they’re sat right behind us, typical’ as they settle into the row in front of us. They then proceed to have a conversation about whether they should ask to be moved away from the child. I am getting a bit irritated by this point as it seems to be that the only offence we have committed is simply existing with a child in a public place, but I decide to not let it bother me. I also completely appreciate that people may have had difficult experiences with small children on planes or just not want to be seated next to children and are entitled to their opinions.
I had confidence in my son’s ability to manage a short flight with no fuss (because he has done so multiple times in the past) and my partner and I’s ability to support him to manage in the case that he needed it. My son has always been a wonderful traveller and my partner and I are always prepared with all the things he needs to be comfortable and be as entertained as possible whilst on board. We are highly aware of our responsibility to manage his needs and work hard to minimise disruption to other passengers whilst meeting them. We are lucky that my son has never cried or fussed on a flight and didn’t on this one.
As far as I was concerned, my son was being a delightful passenger. He played peek a boo with me, he coloured, he ate his lunch and he read his books. At one point he took an interest in the cup holder on the seat in front and pulled this down. After he did this twice, my partner stopped him doing this by distracting him with a game, not before I saw the man in the seat in front literally wincing and telling his wife ‘see, I’m going to say something.’ In fact, every time my son spoke ( I’m taking saying the word ‘snack,’ ‘peppa’ for his cuddly toy or repeating words in the book) the man would physically wince. His wife would then tell him to ‘leave it, just leave it.’ Well he didn’t leave it. About 30 mins into the flight I got up to go to the toilet and when I got back into my seat my son asked for a cuddle (he’s quite clingy with me at the moment). As I hauled my pregnant body and son back into our cramped window seat I accidentally knocked the seat in front of me with my elbow. The man in front immediately turned around and said to me quite aggressively ‘I’m only going to say this once, keep your fcking child from kicking my seat and shut them up whilst you’re at it.’ I was absolutely shocked and tried to explain that it was me who’d knocked his seat, not my son, that it had been an accident and that I wasn’t aware he’d been making any noise but I’d happily stop him the best I could if he did. The man interrupted and told me that I was an irresponsible parent and shouldn’t have a child on the plane if I can’t ‘control it.’ My partner was really annoyed at this point and defended me by saying that my son hadn’t been kicking his chair and he didn’t feel it was appropriate to talk to me like that. The man got completely irate at this and threatened to ‘fck up’ my partner when he got to the airport. He even raised his elbow as if going to hit him until another passenger stepped in to tell him to calm down.
I was really upset so I asked the flight attendant if we could be moved elsewhere which they thankfully accommodated really quickly. However, for the rest of the flight I could hear the couple loudly complaining about us and our ‘entitlement’ and how this wouldn’t have happened if I had put my child in his own seat (he’s under 2 so legally has to sit on my lap). I have never experienced this attitude from other people before when being out and about with my child and it really shook me up. I’ve been going over and over in my head what I could have done differently to stop things from escalating the way they did but it’s really knocked my
confidence about taking my son on experiences like this, particularly on my own. Maybe it’s just the pregnancy hormones making me feel more vulnerable than usual.
I know this is a heated area and I totally
understand the agony of being on long flights with distressed and bored kids ( I used to fly multiple times a year for business and have witnessed some really awful meltdowns from passengers and kids) but I can’t help but feel we were singled out just simply because we had a child. Some of my childless friends have questioned whether or not I'm just immune to my child’s irritating noises but he was honestly reading books, watching a programme or sleeping for the entire flight. I can understand if I was being irresponsible and thoughtless towards others but I don’t feel that I was and doesn’t my child have a right to talk and interact with his family just as much as anyone else on the flight?