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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this an awful present for a 14 year old?

271 replies

DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:10

I have 14 and 8 year olds, both get stockings and (small-ish) Santa presents plus presents / money from family. 14 year old has always been full of Christmas magic, never had a conversation about no Santa, last time he asked was 4 years ago and I just reminded him how much he loves the build up and if he doesn't believe he will lose that (8 year old has never questioned, I don't think she ever had any Christmas magic although she still loves the holiday and is my best bet for watching a Christmas film).

So, scene set, my 14 year old doesn't want anything for Christmas, there are a couple of things he wants but to do with computer games and he is very aware that it's all a rip off and he doesn't really want to spend money on it. He has chocs, a t-shirt and a couple of things he might like plus money and probably a computer voucher from family, but his stocking is quite empty (compared with sisters and previous years) and I'm thinking rather than trying to fill it I put a note from Santa (obviously he knows that is me although we haven't discussed it) saying he's growing up, nice to see he appreciates what he has, stocking a bit empty, no child should be without gifts so hope he likes what has been chosen for him and Santa has given an extra gift of xxx to a child whose family can't treat them like his can.

I feel happy with that and I think he would be but what do you think, is it Christmas ruined for a 14 year old and what on earth do I do instead if it is?

OP posts:
Original poster
DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:27

He has presents that I think he will like, plus money from family. I was only thinking rather than desperately trying to find something to make his stocking full I'd donate to someone who actually wants something because they don't already have it all like he does. My youngest has everything they want too but I have bought them crap to make up the presents because they will enjoy what I've got, if only for a few minutes and wouldn't understand.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 15/12/2022 21:27

Cwcwbird · 15/12/2022 21:16

I think that's a shit idea sorry. To just do it with his presents? Really unfair. I also don't agree with charity donations as presents. Giving to charity is great but don't do it on someone else's behalf unless they've asked you to.

Agree with this

Surely you can find things to fill a stocking that don't break the bank. Smellies, pocket quizzes, mug, chocs, hot chocolate bomb, keyring etc

SpicyFoodRocks · 15/12/2022 21:27

‘never had a conversation about no Santa, last time he asked was 4 years ago and I just reminded him how much he loves the build up and if he doesn't believe he will lose that‘

That is just a bit mean. You have coerced him into ‘believing’.

Celeryfavour · 15/12/2022 21:28

He doesn't mean he wants nothing! I'm sure he wants all the bits and bobs in a stocking. Chocolate orange, magazine, popcorn, stress ball, pens, marshmallows!

SilverGlassHare · 15/12/2022 21:29

And also, why would he lose the build up if he doesn’t believe? I love the build up and I’m in my forties!

Wakk · 15/12/2022 21:29

No I wouldn't treat them differently. He's still a child.

Octopusmittens · 15/12/2022 21:29

Awful idea

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:30

Thanks. I like this answer.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 15/12/2022 21:32

Such a bad idea. Please don’t. Fill his bloody stocking up and get him proper presents.

LaLuz7 · 15/12/2022 21:33

DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:27

He has presents that I think he will like, plus money from family. I was only thinking rather than desperately trying to find something to make his stocking full I'd donate to someone who actually wants something because they don't already have it all like he does. My youngest has everything they want too but I have bought them crap to make up the presents because they will enjoy what I've got, if only for a few minutes and wouldn't understand.

The tone you have here makes me sad for your oldest

diamondsandrose · 15/12/2022 21:34

Not fair to deny him and still treat the younger one

Not believing does not mean no stocking , what nonsense , why are you giving him a hard time about losing the magic etc he's 14 that's just harsh

Do you want him going on about Santa magic at school he would get laughed out of the class ! ?

WishIhadacrystalball · 15/12/2022 21:34

Stockings are a must. I’m an adult and we do them both at our house and later at my mums too. I get a few things per person then fill up with things I would be getting them anyway:
shower gel/bubble bath
deodorant/body spray
chocolates
toothbrush
bed socks
underwear
sweets

He isn’t getting the computer games which I suspect is what he truly wants so I think a donation elsewhere is a bit of a kick in the teeth tbh.

Floralnomad · 15/12/2022 21:34

SilverGlassHare · 15/12/2022 21:29

And also, why would he lose the build up if he doesn’t believe? I love the build up and I’m in my forties!

This exactly . We never told our kids FC was real , it was always treated as a fairy tale and they’ve always loved Christmas , the decorating , picking presents for people etc and they are nearly 30 and mid 20s now . Family makes Christmas special / magical not just FC .

BatshitBanshee · 15/12/2022 21:34

Christ that's awful. Especially as he'll have younger sister to compare it to - and since he knows it's you and not Santa that's just worse. He loves the build up and this is how it's topped off? It just looks like no effort went into his gifts at all. Agree with previous answers/ideas for small stocking fillers. Do not say it's donated to another child either FFS - it's essentially saying well you wouldn't say what you wanted so I gave it to someone else.

edwinbear · 15/12/2022 21:35

13 yr old DS in my our house. He has Lynx stuff (gift set that was £3 and he will use). Nike socks, sweets & chocolate, some sports multi vitamins, a lottery scratch card, bath bomb, one of those hot chocolate spoon things and some fancy looking, popcorn/chocolate biscuit things. Even DH & I do stockings for each other and we’ll do them for his parents who we’re staying with. They’re in their 80’s and really don’t need/want much - but a full stocking is the best bit of Christmas!

Regularsizedrudy · 15/12/2022 21:35

No sorry that’s a shit idea. If you want to donate to some disadvantaged kid somewhere there’s nothing stopping you doing that as well as filling his stocking with tat. You’re trying to force some weird moral conundrum on him, it makes no sense.

diamondsandrose · 15/12/2022 21:35

I am sad for him , I'll do his bloody stocking ! Get him the computer games too

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:35

He can't think of presents for himself, I've already thought of about 10 presents for his stocking and from is and family! He has computer games, I could put a voucher in, he will get vouchers from family and he specifically said although he'd like gaming money he thinks it's wasteful. Do you have kids? A computer game voucher is what we give at parties when we can't think of anything better.

OP posts:
FlyingPandas · 15/12/2022 21:36

I have boys aged 18, 13 and 9 and I also agree it's a rubbish idea, sorry.

There are loads of little bits and pieces you can buy for teen boys if you look hard enough and think creatively - I agree it's harder than it is for girls but I've always managed to fill up a stocking. Mixture of practical things (shower gel, socks, stationery stuff etc) and some novelty bits and pieces. I often theme stocking gifts around their current interests, favourite games/foods/films etc and get practical stuff that are useful but that will still make them smile.

So for example DS3, who adores pandas, will get a panda gluestick and a panda facecloth. DS1, who is into fitness but also likes stuff to fiddle with (has ASD/ADHD and various sensory issues around that) has a stressball shaped like a games controller. DS2 has some stationery themed around his favourite Nintendo Switch game. They will all get chocolate, sweets, a hot chocolate bomb etc.

If you want to make a charity donation, then do that separately. But don't do a faux-Santa note for a 14yo, it won't work.

WellTidy · 15/12/2022 21:38

I have a 14yo DS who always loved the magic, and believed long after his friends stopped believing. He hasn’t asked for anything, except for fifa 23 for his Nintendo switch. He has other things, but in his stocking, he has:

pants
socks
a pull on hat with a light in it
books
writing pens
card game
phone stand
keyboard putty
lynx
hot chocolate stirrers
slush mixes
chocolate Jenga
pencil case
Christmas tree marshmallows

NinjaWarriorCooker · 15/12/2022 21:38

DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:35

He can't think of presents for himself, I've already thought of about 10 presents for his stocking and from is and family! He has computer games, I could put a voucher in, he will get vouchers from family and he specifically said although he'd like gaming money he thinks it's wasteful. Do you have kids? A computer game voucher is what we give at parties when we can't think of anything better.

A lot of us on mumsnet have kids, funnily enough!

WellTidy · 15/12/2022 21:38

Oh, and one of those high bouncing balls that are everywhere at the moment

FlirtyMelons · 15/12/2022 21:39

14 yo boys are easy to buy stocking fillers for, pants, socks, toiletries, chocolates, small aftershaves, pjs. This year I have the thick slipper socks for mine, plus mini deodorants as they like to take them to school, also an atomiser each as they like to take aftershave also. They haven't really got main presents this year as they don't want/need anything but got them oodies (primark ones), clothes and PS games. All the bits and pieces came to about £350 though. I've really noticed price increases this year.

I definitely wouldn't do the note.

Leeds2 · 15/12/2022 21:40

It really isn't difficult to fill a stocking for a 14 year old boy.

InSummertime · 15/12/2022 21:40

Pants
socks
toothbrush and paste
nice book
hairbrush
orange
chocolate money
stress ball
nice pen
nice notebook
wind up toy / floating toy
cute little teddy bear
nice keyring
england flag
pot noodle
colouring pencil set
decent pack of playing cards
rubix cube
love heart sweets
sun flower seeds
selection box
tissues

…… mine don’t even get half of the above and their stockings are overflowing …..

none of it needs to be expensive

plenty of decent school stuff even eg geometry set, calculator, mini French dictionary etc I tend to get them yearly stuff for school but give it via the stocking - he is already starting his GCSEs so even revision cards or highlighters - it doesn’t matter

doesn’t have to be expensive

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