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Original poster

Is this an awful present for a 14 year old?

271 replies

DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:10

I have 14 and 8 year olds, both get stockings and (small-ish) Santa presents plus presents / money from family. 14 year old has always been full of Christmas magic, never had a conversation about no Santa, last time he asked was 4 years ago and I just reminded him how much he loves the build up and if he doesn't believe he will lose that (8 year old has never questioned, I don't think she ever had any Christmas magic although she still loves the holiday and is my best bet for watching a Christmas film).

So, scene set, my 14 year old doesn't want anything for Christmas, there are a couple of things he wants but to do with computer games and he is very aware that it's all a rip off and he doesn't really want to spend money on it. He has chocs, a t-shirt and a couple of things he might like plus money and probably a computer voucher from family, but his stocking is quite empty (compared with sisters and previous years) and I'm thinking rather than trying to fill it I put a note from Santa (obviously he knows that is me although we haven't discussed it) saying he's growing up, nice to see he appreciates what he has, stocking a bit empty, no child should be without gifts so hope he likes what has been chosen for him and Santa has given an extra gift of xxx to a child whose family can't treat them like his can.

I feel happy with that and I think he would be but what do you think, is it Christmas ruined for a 14 year old and what on earth do I do instead if it is?

OP posts:
ScruffMuffin · 16/12/2022 13:55

Nothing wrong with useful bits though. My kids expect a toothbrush, and have asked for buzzy ones! They also want fluffy socks, and one has tights in hers because she needs them. They're also getting sweets, pens, funny stationery note things and a couple of silly surprises.

FlirtyMelons · 16/12/2022 14:06

What's up with pants, socks etc? Certainly my kids like having all the bits and pieces at Xmas, it's nice having nice new stuff regardless of what it is.

KarmaStar · 16/12/2022 14:41

That's rotten!

Skatingqueen · 16/12/2022 14:46

Absolutely nothing wrong with getting useful items like pants, socks, shower gel and other bits and pieces for Christmas.

Especially if they are nicer versions like character socks or branded stuff, posh shower gel. They don't get wasted and it's lovely to have nice new ones.

Wetblanket78 · 16/12/2022 14:59

I know exactly he would be better off putting the difference spent on the 8 year old in the bank. So when he needs something the money is there.

Bellaboo01 · 16/12/2022 16:10

DobbleBobble · 15/12/2022 21:10

I have 14 and 8 year olds, both get stockings and (small-ish) Santa presents plus presents / money from family. 14 year old has always been full of Christmas magic, never had a conversation about no Santa, last time he asked was 4 years ago and I just reminded him how much he loves the build up and if he doesn't believe he will lose that (8 year old has never questioned, I don't think she ever had any Christmas magic although she still loves the holiday and is my best bet for watching a Christmas film).

So, scene set, my 14 year old doesn't want anything for Christmas, there are a couple of things he wants but to do with computer games and he is very aware that it's all a rip off and he doesn't really want to spend money on it. He has chocs, a t-shirt and a couple of things he might like plus money and probably a computer voucher from family, but his stocking is quite empty (compared with sisters and previous years) and I'm thinking rather than trying to fill it I put a note from Santa (obviously he knows that is me although we haven't discussed it) saying he's growing up, nice to see he appreciates what he has, stocking a bit empty, no child should be without gifts so hope he likes what has been chosen for him and Santa has given an extra gift of xxx to a child whose family can't treat them like his can.

I feel happy with that and I think he would be but what do you think, is it Christmas ruined for a 14 year old and what on earth do I do instead if it is?

Aside from the presents thing. Do you actually think that your 14 year old boy still believes in Father Christmas as from what you have said above, it seems like he still does which is probably quite unusual for his age! If you dont want to do a stocking - maybe just explain to him rather than write a note from santa at 14!

Sartre · 16/12/2022 16:39

Yes that’s rubbish, he’s 14 years old!! My 12 year old DS would literally die if I even tried to pretend Santa was real, he realised at least two years ago naturally and there’s no way your 14 year old doesn’t know so don’t try and play along because it’s just a bit odd at that age.

Maybe my view is skewed because I grew up quickly but at 14 I just wanted money really, a few items of clothing maybe and some CDs. I really didn’t appreciate any of the crap my Mum bought me because she wanted to fill my present pile out to match my younger brother’s… I just never used any of it, slippers and dressing gowns were the worst but she always did it.

You know your son and know his interests. My DS barely asks for anything either so I just get things linked to his interests. He likes blink 182 so I got him some merch and I got him tickets to a pop punk festival next year because that’s his favourite genre. He didn’t ask for any of that but I know that he’ll appreciate it. Just get things linked to his interests.

Athenen0ctua · 16/12/2022 17:01

FlissyPaps · 16/12/2022 13:43

he won't be getting pants, socks or a toothbrush either!

Absolutely nothing wrong with getting pants or socks for Christmas! (Especially if they’re brands that young lads like. Adidas, Nike, North Face, Calvin Klein, Armani etc). And definitely nothing wrong with a toothbrush! I remember getting an electric toothbrush for Xmas as a teen (it was pink, sparkly) and I loved it!

These are practical gifts that won’t get wasted. So much better than some plastic crap from the poundshop that will get shoved in a drawer on Boxing Day and never looked at/used again.

Maybe the OP knows it won't work for their DS. DS doesn't care for brands and is very particular about what he likes, focusing around things like colour and comfort for clothing, with no big logos. I've taken a risk by buying him a pack of boxers in nice colours/patterns the same brand and style as his current ones which are all plain black. The colours are ones he would like for a t-shirt but he may still put them at the bottom of the drawer and only wear the black ones! He has only worn one particular type and colour of socks from the same shop for a few years now.

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 18:33

Athenen0ctua · 16/12/2022 17:01

Maybe the OP knows it won't work for their DS. DS doesn't care for brands and is very particular about what he likes, focusing around things like colour and comfort for clothing, with no big logos. I've taken a risk by buying him a pack of boxers in nice colours/patterns the same brand and style as his current ones which are all plain black. The colours are ones he would like for a t-shirt but he may still put them at the bottom of the drawer and only wear the black ones! He has only worn one particular type and colour of socks from the same shop for a few years now.

Show quote history

I don't think there's anything wrong with useful stuff, one of his (non-stocking) presents is a blanket which I know he will like. But I know he won't get excited about a toothbrush and socks, although dd would, but neither of them need any!

OP posts:
Athenen0ctua · 16/12/2022 18:41

DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 18:33

I don't think there's anything wrong with useful stuff, one of his (non-stocking) presents is a blanket which I know he will like. But I know he won't get excited about a toothbrush and socks, although dd would, but neither of them need any!

Show quote history

Mine wouldn't get excited about more of what he already has, and is likely to reject anything special or 'fun'. Same with toiletries, he's happy with lidl shower gel, would not find another brand any more exciting. Though, I think the basics work well for young adults who otherwise would have to buy their own.

2reefsin30knots · 16/12/2022 18:47

I have bought my DS a box of socks that look like sushi. He doesn't really need socks, but I know he will think they are funny and they will get worn.

Athenen0ctua · 16/12/2022 18:50

2reefsin30knots · 16/12/2022 18:47

I have bought my DS a box of socks that look like sushi. He doesn't really need socks, but I know he will think they are funny and they will get worn.

DS would love that, but then wouldn't actually wear the socks!

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 23:25

WellTidy · 15/12/2022 21:38

I have a 14yo DS who always loved the magic, and believed long after his friends stopped believing. He hasn’t asked for anything, except for fifa 23 for his Nintendo switch. He has other things, but in his stocking, he has:

pants
socks
a pull on hat with a light in it
books
writing pens
card game
phone stand
keyboard putty
lynx
hot chocolate stirrers
slush mixes
chocolate Jenga
pencil case
Christmas tree marshmallows

Thanks, that sounds like a great stocking! I'm sure he doesn't actually believe in Santa but we don't bring up the subject and just carry on with Christmas as it always has been.

OP posts:
Gonnabegrandma · 16/12/2022 23:29

Maybe hill the stocking with sick pants shower gel deodorant hair gel . Stuff like that ???

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 23:31

FlyingPandas · 15/12/2022 21:43

The other thing I do OP is buy some gifts to pad out the stockings which may or may not be a hit with my own DC, but which will be good to donate to charity if they end up being unused and unopened.

We have loads of charities locally who collect new/unopened gifts to include in hampers for struggling families at Christmas, for example. The home-school link worker in the school I work in also keeps what she calls a 'birthday bag' - basically small new gifts that she keeps to give to some of our parents who might be struggling so much financially that they cannot afford to buy birthday gifts for their DC when the time comes. So when I buy 'stocking tat', in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'well, if DS2 doesn't actually use that then it'll be great to donate for the birthday bag'.

Obviously I don't take any unopened gifts to donate without the DC's permission but we will go through stuff together during the year and they agree what they are happy to give away. That, then, is a perfect opportunity to talk about children who have so little compared to what they have, and to donate gifts accordingly. My DC are really receptive to that. But the stocking tradition remains important to them. Tbh I think even my 18yo would privately be quietly gutted if there was no stocking of gifts for him on Christmas morning.

This is a great idea, thanks

OP posts:
OldFan · 16/12/2022 23:37

I sent my 14 yo a letter from FC saying how proud we/he were for him getting into some amazing scholarship programs. Santa also told him not to take drugs and make good choices. He's now 26 and it's still his favorite letter! Say what you like but say it from your heart.

@EconomyClassRockstar Yep the problem is it's instead of rather than as well as him having a normally-filled stocking. And it sounds like an excuse.

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 23:40

Soakitup37 · 15/12/2022 21:52

you have asked if you’re being unreasonable, and it’s clear that the verdict is you are - so take that for what it is op, and pls don’t do the note suggestion with a limp stocking. In fact fill it up and look at what it looks like.

by All means give him the chance to gift a child in need a present but don’t take them off him without choice that’s cruel and he’ll never forget that (you did that) he may also see it as
lazy/favouritism.

my son is gaming mad abd knows i hate robux/vebux but in his stocking ive got him a wallet with robux in it, as its from father christmas not me!

It's always been the same here, Santa will bring things they really want even if I don't agree with it. He has his own money he could spend on in game points without question as he generally doesn't but he chooses not to, he will get a voucher from family and may choose to then, I think it was just an example of something he could have and not a real wish though.

OP posts:
Original poster
DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 23:56

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/12/2022 22:42

all these people saying to op to just rack her brains, fill it with stuff, look on web for inspiration, etc etc

is this not just buying for buyings sake ??!

clearly he doesn’t want more than what he’s asked for so why buy it? Do you think he’s gonna like this extra stuff? Probs not, it’ll end up in a land fill in a couple of months

That's kind of where I am with it, thanks. I have racked my brain and looked for inspiration and am at a bit of a loss but have a couple of new ideas from this thread so it's all good.

OP posts:
Original poster
DobbleBobble · 16/12/2022 23:58

Create10 · 15/12/2022 22:53

I'm 32, and have told my parents I'm struggling to think of presents, and if they sent me a letter on Christmas morning saying they'd donated to someone else instead I would be very irate indeed.

He's a child. Stuff his stocking with crisps, chocolate, popcorn, razors, aftershave, underwear, hair gel, a disposable camera, spare phone chargers, spare headphones, spare power bank, pens. It doesn't have to be remotely expensive, all of these things are £2 and under in B&M, Poundstretcher etc.

I'm 45 and have told my parents there's nothing I want and I would rather they donated to charity than bought me random things because I can't give them any idea what would be a good present, but we're all different.

OP posts:
Original poster
DobbleBobble · 17/12/2022 00:03

SmileyClare · 15/12/2022 23:30

His sister has a book. Oldest won’t read a cereal packet, I’ve tried everything

He probably won’t want to read a letter in his stocking then 😂

This really made me laugh. Very true, I will also make sure to cut the labels off everything and take things out of their packaging so there are no words at all in his stocking!

OP posts:
kateandme · 17/12/2022 00:07

I no it's not particularly brilliant for the environment yada yada but half the fun of chri stmas is opening and trying random bits and bobs.ans yes stiff you don't really need or use.i don't see a problem with one time in the year having a little magic in a full stocking of half the stufforidinerilly we might thinks a bit bah.

Original poster
DobbleBobble · 17/12/2022 00:18

RunDownRita · 16/12/2022 10:54

Agreed. Feels like it's one of those threads that sets off in a particular direction and then snowballs, with some people's responses by the end barely related to the proposal in the OP.

I always put a "crisis at Christmas" meal in my kids' stockings (as well as their presents, not instead of)- have done it since they were small and it's a family tradition. Not sure what the issue is with that. We all know our own kids though.

OP, some more ideas for you- sushi making set, interesting instant noodles, moon ball, one of those wallet multi-tool things, football shirt (pricey), shin pads/goalie gloves/mini training football (if he plays football, natch), gift cards for Costa/Nandos/whatever local things he likes or for a delivery service if he'd enjoy ordering his own takeaway, Posca pens (these are brilliant and v popular), whatever the computer game thing is that he wants that might be a rip off.

Show quote history

Good old Mumsnet Chinese whispers. I can't think of things to fill out ds stocking and he's no help as he says he has everything he wants turns into him sitting there on Christmas day with no presents at all watching his sister opening her present mountain. There are so many ideas on here, most of which don't work for him unfortunately and I excitedly googled Posca pens - he already has them!

OP posts:
Sep200024 · 17/12/2022 00:24

Aw, come on. Is this a joke?

marvellousmaple · 17/12/2022 00:31

Just pop a note in saying " I decided to give a child who was more worthy than you your Christmas present this year. Love Mum.xxxxxxxx " and be done with it. FGS So many excuses from OP.

BigChesterDraws · 17/12/2022 04:08

Virtue signaling much?