Breastfeeding advice group on Facebook has scared me?!

[elm26]

I thought it would be a good idea to join a private breastfeeding advice/support group as I hopefully will be breastfeeding when baby comes along.

I introduced myself and asked what they recommend me to buy, any tips, any information etc and oh my god, I feel like I've started WW3.

I do not know the first thing about breastfeeding but one lady commented telling me to get some good nipple cream and another replied saying if your nipples are sore it's a latch problem, so you don't need cream. The other lady then replied it's good to have as nipples can get quite sensitive etc and she replied breasts don't need to get used to being fed from so no need for cream, put up with the sensitivity.

Another said don't put baby's mouth to your nipple let them crawl their way up your stomach and find your nipple themselves.

Another said that I shouldn't have put that I'm "hoping" to breastfeed, it should be that I am going to breastfeed as this is what's best for the baby and there is no such thing as can't. I have always truly believed that "fed is best" and I think I'd get hunted down if I replied with that!

They've absolutely terrified me! I feel even more confused and like I'm a failure if for whatever reason I can't breastfeed/struggle with it.

Is it really worth being a part of these groups? Will I get help from the midwife etc? I do plan on going to the breastfeeding class.

Don't go back, just try it

What be terrified you about it?

People on these groups are the die hard breastfeeding types.
I was really keen to breastfeed and did for 12 months, I needed a good nipple cream straight away as my baby had tongue tie and god it hurt. It can be quite difficult and if someone had told me that I'd have felt better because I felt like I was doing something wrong. It's hard, but worth it.

Competitive breast feeders are the worst.

Best people to get advice about breastfeeding from is those who have done it themselves. Many midwife’s only get a small amount of training and if they haven’t done it themselves they won’t really be able to help you. A midwife’s job is more centred around mum and making sure you are ok before, during and after birth.

If your area has a breastfeeding peer support service then they will be the best people to go to. They are usually mums who have undergone training to help other mums. They are non judgement and have all the up to date evidence based info that new mums need.

fb groups can be helpful but you will find the info is conflicting, best to seek out a peer support group if you can.

I’m sure there are more sensible sources of advice out there! I remember doing a session with an NCT breastfeeding counsellor and she started off by asking how we were fed ourselves as children and pointing out that we’d all turned out fine even if bottle fed!

Yeah those groups can be crazy. I recommend joining but muting. See how you go, and if you come up against any issues then use it to get advice on that specific issue.

Oh, and I EBF both of mine with no issues - but went through GALLONS of nipple cream

Never ever join an online breastfeeding group OP. Let alone a Facebook one. That way madness lies! These kind of groups tend to bring out all the extremist batshit bonkers mums and all the sensible normal helpful ones get a bit drowned out.

If you want to BF then contact local face to face groups for support, post on here where you'll probably get a more balanced reaction etc etc, just give it a try. But God no, YANBU to be scared by the online Facebook loonies and to never go back there again!

(As an aside, and as someone who has successfully BF three babies, Lansinoh is a bloody life saver and no, each baby's latch was great, and even so yes, it was bloody painful in the beginning and no, that pain didn't last for longer than a few days but yes, using cream made all the difference).

Good luck!

There is no point in creating a problem before you've even started. I feel everyone gets told it's riddled with so many problems and is practically impossible to get right - it is not necessarily like that at all!

The group sounds a bit intense, if it's not helping you then just leave the group.

Google local breastfeeding support groups and see if you can find anything local. I found the midwives helpful getting baby latched on after birth. Your health visitor may also be able to point you in the direction of local help if needed.

Nothing wrong with needing help, struggling, giving up or not even starting to breastfeed in the first place.

The only thing I bought was lanolin nipple cream (used a lot!) Reusable breast pads for leaking during the day, and a milkies milk saver for catching the milk leaking from my opposite boob when feeding (I had an oversupply).

You will work out what's best for you

I'm breastfeeding my second DC at the moment and yeah, those groups are fucking terrifying - the reality varies from person to person and you can only do your best.

Yes, get a good nipple cream. You may not need it but if you do then you'll be grateful to not be waiting for it to arrive in the post or for Tesco to be out of stock. I breastfed DS for almost 2 years and I'm 5 months in with DD and I've only used the cream I bought on one period, about five months in with DS. It did hurt but not actually anywhere near as much as you'd think a cracked nipple would. It's a bit like how people get cracked lips or cracked heels - you'd think they're far more painful than they are and they heal up pretty quickly.

Ignore any nutty comments on the fed is best/breast is best spectrum. How you feed your child is no one else's business to comment on - and that goes for people who a militant breastfeeders or militant formula feeders or anywhere in between.

I got no useful advice from my midwife or breastfeeding support groups or anything else. I just did what I felt was working - I looked for patterns when my supply went up and when it went down and, often, that was the complete opposite of the professional advice. Truthfully, I think they're making it all up. A lot of what I did to maintain breastfeeding were things I was flatly told would mean I'd "fail" (like expressing from birth).

Don't seek advice unless/until there's a specific problem to be fixed. For example, if baby is loving only one boob then ask for specific advice on that specific aspect and try a bunch of the suggestions to see if any stick for you. If you ask for generic "advice" then you'll get a bunch of well-intended, overwhelming essays (like I'm giving here, sorry).

Some people need cream, some don't. Some creams work for some women, and the same cream would be shit for another women. Some babies latch easily and some don't. Some babies like the left boob, some like the right, some like both equally, some hate them both. Some prefer a bottle, some won't take a bottle - don't even get me started on the multitude of breast pump options (Elvie is actually worth the money, although I hate to say it because I desperately want the cheap knock-offs to be just as good)... The best advice I can give you (and this goes for the entirety of parenting) is to do what is best for you and your baby, go with your gut over anything else, try different things and don't be too stubborn.

Is it really worth being a part of these groups?
Fuck no, leave!

I really wanted to BF and managed eventually. It's a little tricky getting started. Once I got home from hospital it was easier and my nipples were sore for a week or two but soon settled down. I would ditch the group they sound awful. Good luck x

I used the cream for two weeks before my first was born and didn’t get sore nipples. Number 2 arrived early and didn’t get chance to use the lansinoh and I got sore scabby nipples.

Really with bf you just have to do what works for you because at the beginning you are both learning.

I bought two tubes of Lansinoh - never used them for their intended purpose but they make great lipsalve! Better than vaseline etc.

Eurgh just leave that group. I never joined those types of Facebook groups. If you need breastfeeding support, go to the in person ones once baby arrives

The breastfeeding cafe at my local childrens’ centre was really good. It might be worth checking out your nearest one as they are a great resource.

It's an optional group full of randomers. It hasn't been helpful to you so leave the group and find another one.

Breastfeeding and infant feeding in general can be an emotive topic, people can hold strong opinions and be prone to being strident or argumentative. Don't let it worry you or put you off.

Midwives and HV tbh can be patchy with helpful breastfeeding advice, and I found them to be inconsistent with their advice, sometimes contradicting each other. There may well be a specialist breastfeeding advisor at the hospital or elsewhere that you can ask to speak to. The NCT have classes on it, usually, which can be helpful. The infant feeding topic on here can be useful too, for moral support and for getting the thoughts of women who have been through it themselves.

Op I would speak with your midwife and get help from them or a trained breastfeeding support midwife as from what you've written you're getting all kinds of mixed messages.
I found the same issue so asked my midwife team who were absolutely fab as was the hospital in helping me get feeding established. Fed is best and always remember that. I didn't get the help and support with my 1st and ended up formula feeding him from day 3 and he's doing great! Happy little boy. With my daughter I've breastfed from day 1 and still now at nearly 10 months old. It's completely your decision on how you feed your baby, breast, combi or formula. All of them is completely fine. You do what's right for you and your baby.
I did use lansinoh nipple cream in the first week or two as my nipples were really sore even with a good latch once established over the first few days and then didn't need it anymore.
Best of luck with your little one coming!

Join a few and lurk for a bit, as some can be brilliant and some are full of obsessives.

The cream thing is interesting - I was obsessed with it last time. This time I didn't bother and I think the pain was similar both times. But anything that might help is worth a try!

Babies don't know how to breastfeed at all usually, you have to learn together, usually by ramming a boob in their mouth, so if I'd left my children to find the nipple themselves they'd be talking before they got it.

Be prepared that breastfeeding is painful and difficult and time consuming for the first few weeks. Once you get through that it can be lovely and very convenient and quick and easy.

Absolutely nothing wrong with formula though nor going in open minded. I also just hoped to breastfeed last time and bought formula incase I hated it but exclusively breastfed for 18 months last time and three months and counting this time.

It’s really not as complicated as people make out. It’s feeding not a political stance. Try for a few months if it doesn’t suit you then do something else.

The militant BF brigade are some of the worst kinds of people. Their purpose in life is to make mums who don't fit their mould feel like shit. Stay far away.

Good luck with baby!

Just remember that women have been doing this for thousands of years! Re cream, I was advised to spread a tiny bit of milk over each nipple once the baby had finished each time, which stops cracking. This worked for me - I don't know if I was just lucky but I never needed cream.

To prepare for breastfeeding I:

• read books

-watched a ton of YouTube videos (Emily Norris ones are great)

• bought stuff I thought would make life easier e.g feeding pillow etc
• attended a breastfeeding class held at a breastfeeding support group

And that was it. No crazy Facebook groups necessary! Good luck. I'm breastfeeding my second baby and it's amazing, one of the best things I ever did.

Also I think nipple confusion is total bullshit made up to make things more difficult.

If you want to use dummies straight away, or bottles if you're mix feeding, it won't mean you can't breastfeed.

You could also phone the National breastfeeding helpline with questions. They're brilliant.