Breastfeeding advice group on Facebook has scared me?!

[elm26]

I thought it would be a good idea to join a private breastfeeding advice/support group as I hopefully will be breastfeeding when baby comes along.

I introduced myself and asked what they recommend me to buy, any tips, any information etc and oh my god, I feel like I've started WW3.

I do not know the first thing about breastfeeding but one lady commented telling me to get some good nipple cream and another replied saying if your nipples are sore it's a latch problem, so you don't need cream. The other lady then replied it's good to have as nipples can get quite sensitive etc and she replied breasts don't need to get used to being fed from so no need for cream, put up with the sensitivity.

Another said don't put baby's mouth to your nipple let them crawl their way up your stomach and find your nipple themselves.

Another said that I shouldn't have put that I'm "hoping" to breastfeed, it should be that I am going to breastfeed as this is what's best for the baby and there is no such thing as can't. I have always truly believed that "fed is best" and I think I'd get hunted down if I replied with that!

They've absolutely terrified me! I feel even more confused and like I'm a failure if for whatever reason I can't breastfeed/struggle with it.

Is it really worth being a part of these groups? Will I get help from the midwife etc? I do plan on going to the breastfeeding class.

They do have some strict rules but it's because it's admin-led & it helps avoid the "free for all" of conflicting advice. For example, they offer 1-2-1 support for things like latch issues, nipple pain via the admin inbox rather than letting group members suggest nipple shields when they may not be the first solution to try 🙂

It's not for everyone but personally I prefer trained admin-led groups to general advice groups now - I find the more general groups overwhelming tbh!

I have breasted a number of babies and they are all so different. I tended to get tender nipples to start but no creams needed. Those women are posting off their own experience. Yours will be your own.

As far as letting baby crawl up to the nipple, that's fine if you give birth on your back (which I consider an unnatural position). Mine could never have done that as I gave birth kneeling and had to lift them to me. I've never known a newborn that could climb vertically.

Bless you OP, they sound absolutely bonkers Breastfeeding discussions do tend to bring out the most militant voices and honestly, you will figure it out one way or another, I promise. I exclusively breast fed and then combi fed and I have two healthy, lovely kids despite what my local breastfeeding group told me about breast and only breast being best. If your LO is loved, fed and happy, you're doing brilliantly. I would probably swerve and avoid that group moving forward, do the class and speak with your midwife. It took me a bit of perseverance (and yes, nipple cream!) and I never got my supply quite right but one way or another, but we got there, and you'll make it work in whatever way you and the baby need it to. Congratulations

My baby is over a year now and still breastfeeding - I used both cream and nipple shields in the early days. Cream before and after every feed. Nipple shields were a life saver for the few days when I got a sore nipple on one side. After a few weeks I didn’t need either thing any more. Just ignore people who say you should never use them - if you want to do it! If you don’t need them then great!

Honestly you need to stay away from Facebook, everybody does. It's full to the brim of fucktards

Hi @elm26 again,

I just wanted to share some great Breastfeeding resources, all of the information contained within is evidenced based.

Global Health Media: Good quality Breastfeeding videos to assist with latching and other things: globalhealthmedia.org/topic/breastfeeding/

NHS: Off to the best start leaflet, everything you and anyone supporting you needs to know about Breastfeeding: www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.uhcw.nhs.uk/clientfiles/files/otbs_leaflet.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiy_7rRmPr7AhWWM8AKHVrtCjMQFnoECAwQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1IURRU03GUkndZ85cPvq1p

BfN: Drugs in Breastmilk factsheets. If ever you need to take medication whilst Breastfeeding you may want to check these BfN factsheets out as part of making an informed decision. Many health professionals will instinctively advise that medication cannot be taken whilst Breastfeeding. There are many occasions when that advice is, untrue, unhelpful and at times harmful. The bfn factsheets are produced by a pharmacist, Dr Wendy Jones who specialises in Breastfeeding. She's a legend www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-factsheets/

Things I remember from both my babies.

When born they also need to learn. My first never got this memo wasn’t interested and bottle fed - she was fine.
My second a little more willing and it took about 2 weeks for us both to fully get it. It hurts at first I remember a moment screaming hungry baby, knowing it was going to hurt, then I looked down and saw a feeding baby - and it was all ok (with a lot of cream after she finished. ) If you need them to move breast or finish- pop you little finger in the corner of the mouth - no one told me. I nearly ended up in more pain and a walking dummy (also a dummy was fine she wasn’t interested after around 6 weeks)
Eventually you get into a rhythm and your body knows what to do. I got an awful sick bug when she was 6 weeks panicked that she wouldn’t be feed - she was fine.
The only frustrating thing wasn’t I couldn’t pump - I tried! And it doesn’t matter.

I would say give it a go, yes it will hurt and at times be bloomin hard, it will be worth it if you both can do it - but if not formula is not a sign of failure it’s just one of those many parent choices that’s none of anyone else’s business.

Midwives who haven't breastfed themselves won't be able to help you? What a completely ridiculous comment.

You're telling me my 3 years of degree level training, a lot of which was focussed on bf actually! Lots of specific competencies relating to bf must be completed and signed before you're even able to qualify. The multiple annual mandatory training courses, the years I've spent on postnatal wards and out in the community support women to BF day in day out, 37.5 hours per week, all means nothing because I haven't breast fed my own baby so that means I can't do it. Pull the other one!

I am personally very offended by your response to the OP.

This is why the 21 year old me never went to any classes. I just trusted my instincts and as it turned out I didn't need any help. i breastfed without any problems at all until I went back to work.

Sorry your offended, I’m just a stranger on a forum, maybe lighten up and don’t take things so seriously.

Breastfeeding can be really hard for most people in the initial couple of weeks so they probably thought they were being helpful so you'd be prepared. Just un-join if it's not helpful or join again once baby is here and the advice is useful/makes sense

That’s the group I joined. What a mistake. Full of absolute nutters and the admins are the worst. I wasn’t allowed to post because I used nipple shields at first, given to me by the infant feeding team in NICU. But according to the group the incredibly well educated and well trained medical staff don’t know anything about breastfeeding. It attracts people who’ve nothing better to do and people who think they’re very special just for breastfeeding.

I’ve stopped feeding at a year old and the best thing for me was supportive cushions, pillows and making sure you’re comfortable before - including a massive drink. And I had to force my nipple in at first, no way could my baby have climbed onto it.

Leave the group 😅 But I would suggest going to a local breast feeding meeting or La Leche League, whatever they have where you are. It's useful to have someone watch you feed and check you don't have any issues/resolve them for you (plus the social side and trees and biscuits 😅). The midwives didn't help with this in my experience, they checked I was managing to feed and left me to it, but I got very sore very quickly and the groups were amazing at figuring out what was wrong. I had to go back with my youngest because it was like starting again, and I was used to feeding a much bigger baby and had forgotten what to do with a newborn again.

You'll get too many opposing views, and people only actually know what worked for them! Google real life in person groups in your area, as their support in my area is excellent. Fully trained people and even if it's all fine you can rock up for moral support. Also, find a specialist private lactation consultant near you, just in case. Both mine had feeding issues and our local expert helped massively, including diagnosing and dividing a tongue tie in youngest. Midwives will help after the birth but with first I found them a bit brutal (and baby just kept crying and popping off after they forced her on). With 2nd I knew what I was doing so aside from v lovely midwife looking in on us we didn't need help until tongue tie stated causing issues a few days later. Be prepared for various women to be handling your boobs though, and possibly helping you hand express colostrum. Despite difficult feeding for the first few weeks with 1st and few months with 2nd, I fed 1st to 18months when she wasn't bothered anymore, and still going with 2nd at 10m. Tongue tie and another issue caused 2nd to create a lot of friction and my nipples were open and bleeding before the end of week 1. I don't say it to scare you (didn't happen with 1st), but it can happen and if it does it needs assessment by lactation consultant. Still sensitive and painful at first with 1st - it can be painful/tender even when things are OK as most nips aren't used to being sucked on for hours a day!!
It means all the work (and night feeds!) has to be you (aside from moral support and bringing hot food and drinks, occasional burping by someone else maybe) unless you pump the odd bottle for a few hours sleep, but personally I found having instant shutupability with boob in mouth of screaming baby was gold. Plus no need to get out of bed for night feeds, just lift baby from crib to bed, feed, put back. No leaving them to cry while prepping bottles, or running out! And no/very little sterilising! It's rewarding, but you do need to make the choice for your family circumstances at the time - it's not for everyone and I have friends very happy with formula and sharing feeding responsibility. And those who pump and bottle feed expressed milk? Warriors. Champions. Pump, cleaning equipment, store milk. Feed milk. Pump, clean...etc. so much involved and they have to pump longer/more often than baby would normally feed (including every few hours overnight!) as pumps aren't as efficient as baby.

I have a feeding pillow (actually 1 for bedroom and 1 for sofa) and swear by it, but some people don't get on with them. Also useful for propped tummy time though! (Milestones and motherhood online and instagram is gold for gross motor development tips like that).
Worth getting some nipple balm just in case, but if you don't use it all it's good as lip balm too 🙂 Other things you don't need but good to be aware of in case your journey is challenging at first are nipple shields (have a Google and read up). Almost everyone needs breast pads (personally I go eco friendly and have a load of washable ones, not disposable) - I have a lot of milk and a serious letdown and in the first months or so could easily need to change mine a few times a day. I also liked having a pump, back up bottles and premade formula, which we did end up needing for 1st for the first week. A good lactation consultant will be able to help get baby onto boob if you need to use bottles at first. And both mine had dummies from about 1 week old, no issue with it affecting breastfeeding whatsoever. 1st still had the odd bottle right through to maybe 9m, 2nd has refused since about 3m and it doesn't really affect us so I've not bothered persevering.

A great resource online is KellyMom, also La Leche League. And something which worked for me was the nipple flip - possibly worth a Google (make sure you include breastfeeding in that search, otherwise I won't be held responsible for what comes up!!)

But yes most importantly, don't force yourself, or allow yourself to be forced, into a decision which doesn't feel right for your situation. Or guilted. There's enough self imposed and other guilt in parenthood. Baby will be fed. Baby will grow. You will be that baby's mother come hell or highwater.

I'd leave the group tbh. I had a similar experience with a terrifying Baby-led weaning group. They acted as if you wanted to kill your baby if you mentioned puree.

Re nipple cream - I bought some and didn't need it. Its quite expensive and easily available so personally I wouldn't buy any in advance. If you get sore just nip to the shops.

Breastfeeding comes easily to many women. I wouldn't overthink it - see what happens.

You really need very little to start. I didn't even need a nursing bra as I just hiked up my top and went bra less most of the time. The only thing I really needed were breast pads. Everything you can buy is available at Tesco or next day on Amazon.

I don't think nipple cream is any good really but Maximarm wet compresses were amazing and got me through a very painful week with dc1. Ended up feeding her for 2 + years and dc2 6 months and counting. They would have both been on the bottle otherwise.

As with basically everything about having kids, you will not know how you feel about any of it until you are in the thick of it, but you will certainly do what is best for your family given your circumstances. I love bf and hope that you do too but really my advice would be to tune it all out and enjoy the stage you are in now, the pregnancy. You do not have to buy anything at all the shops will still be open when dc arrives if you need anything then. Congratulations!! It is amazing 💐

Oh Good Grief! They’re like rabid vegans or Born Agains. Just bail out now. My lovely nurse friend called them the Nipple Nazis or Lactivists. Most women can breastfeed, but not all. It’s an individual thing. If you can’t or you hate it, it’s your business. It’s the 21st century, you have access to clean water, sterilizing equipment and fabulous bottles, etc. Your baby will thrive if you are relaxed and happy and it’s loved and cuddled. Obviously breast milk is designed for babies, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out and we are far too hard on ourselves when that happens. What is best for you is best for your baby.
*I wish someone had told me this when I was crying my eyes out trying to bf my first baby and passing out. It wasn’t until I had my twins and had a different lactation consultant who took one look at my boobs and asked about growth during pregancy (none) and after birth (none), feeling of let-down (none) so organized an ultrasound. Seems I have almost no milk ducts. Dry creek here. Would have saved a lot of tears for both me and baby no 1 had I known earlier and I would have felt like less of a failure for swapping to formula.

Oh and if you get a deep soreness somewhere in your boob....clogged duct. Feed feed feed, hand massage and pump to clear it or it could end up mastitis. Having an oversupply means I've had a few (have now baby has suddenly stopped remaining night feed 🙄)
Very possible it'll never happen, but if itndoes the sooner you clear it the easier and the lower the chance it develops to needing antibiotics!

Sorry that should have read Multi Mam compresses!

I'm currently breastfeeding my Baby. They are 13 months now- exclusively breastfed their whole life.

There is a LOT of misleading information around. Especially when people mistake their opinion with fact

I highly recommend Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies group on Facebook. You can get REAL advice from admin who have been TRAINED to give the CORRECT advice

That group sounds weird. What you really need is someone to show you how to do it, my doula demonstrated with a doll and that helped so much.

Basically if all is good and baby alert then it is the baby that latches on. You help her by supporting her head and dragging your nipple slowly along her cheek in the direction of her mouth. She should turn her head and latch on. If you push your nipple straight towards her mouth, she’ll instinctively reject it. I dunno why.

Re nipple cream you want to have some lasinoh around. Some women are sensitive some aren’t. I usually put some cream on after a feed as a precaution. Never had any soreness or cracking.

Sounds like it's the die hard people in that group. I used the lansinoh ointment before and after every feed for first fortnight and never had cracked nipples or anything.

I also removed them straight away if I didn't think they had a good latch and started again.

The breastfeeding lesson we had as part of the antenatal course was really helpful with how to get to them to latch 'tummy to mummy', 'nose to nipple' I remember!

Feeding lying on my side was also helpful.

Good luck!

I had mine many years ago. I bought a little paperback when I became pregnant which told me to massage my nipples for a couple of minutes each day with cream. I used Nivea, no internet invented then. I had no soreness or cracked nipples, and went on to breastfeed 4 babies.

Welcome to mum Facebook groups. Bf is different for everyone and you do what works for you. Girl get the nipple cream, makes for great chapstick too lol x

Aaaah militant FB parenting groups, full of people up all night (even though their babies have finally fallen asleep!) because someone else on the internet is Doing It Wrong.