Breastfeeding advice group on Facebook has scared me?!

[elm26]

I thought it would be a good idea to join a private breastfeeding advice/support group as I hopefully will be breastfeeding when baby comes along.

I introduced myself and asked what they recommend me to buy, any tips, any information etc and oh my god, I feel like I've started WW3.

I do not know the first thing about breastfeeding but one lady commented telling me to get some good nipple cream and another replied saying if your nipples are sore it's a latch problem, so you don't need cream. The other lady then replied it's good to have as nipples can get quite sensitive etc and she replied breasts don't need to get used to being fed from so no need for cream, put up with the sensitivity.

Another said don't put baby's mouth to your nipple let them crawl their way up your stomach and find your nipple themselves.

Another said that I shouldn't have put that I'm "hoping" to breastfeed, it should be that I am going to breastfeed as this is what's best for the baby and there is no such thing as can't. I have always truly believed that "fed is best" and I think I'd get hunted down if I replied with that!

They've absolutely terrified me! I feel even more confused and like I'm a failure if for whatever reason I can't breastfeed/struggle with it.

Is it really worth being a part of these groups? Will I get help from the midwife etc? I do plan on going to the breastfeeding class.

I really recommend Amy Brown's book 'the positive breastfeeding book' - I feel like it prepared me pretty well for breastfeeding. I also joined a local peer support group who are great and I found very supportive and helpful.

Everyone rates Lansinoh but I hated it and DS didn’t latch when I had it on.

I found Weleda nipple cream to be so much better for the nipples.

Also, pain does not necessarily mean a poor latch. Breastfeeding is painful at the start but it gets so much better when you and the baby so eventually gel and there are no other issues beyond your control affecting the feed.

Good luck!

Oh gosh, that sounds intense! I’d swerve anything that makes you feel bad or a stressed on these kind of topics.

I went in with a similar mentality of hoping to breastfeed but that I’d not beat myself up if it didn’t work out. I found the help I received from the midwives in the week after I gave birth really helpful. I was kept in until feeding was better established and then when I was struggling a couple of days after coming home, a whole team descended so by the time they left I had a proper plan for getting my milk levels up and they lent me some kind of industrial strength breast pump. I think it was the midwife who suggested nipple shields (or if it was me I wasn’t made to feel bad for suggesting it) and that was the saving grace for me. The downside is it’s a little bit less convenient (and also a bit embarrassing/ tricky to manage when you’re out and about ). But I managed to stop using them after about 6 months and breastfed exclusively til LO was over 1 year old so it all worked out. Best advice I was given was to think of it as a skill you’re both trying to learn - a 50:50 effort at finding what works for you both (whatever way of feeding that is).

I hate to say it, but Welcome to Motherhood.

I thought I would be admitted into the ultimate sorority. Not so.

The tips here for research are pretty good. My advice would be to take this as a gift. You've learned early, before sleep deprivation and hormones kick in propper, to tune out the noise and identity politics of parenting. Decide on your red lines, follow your instincts, arm yourself with information, and ignore all the bollocks.

Good luck OP. Your reaction to this nonsense suggests you know yourself and your instincts are strong. You'll be grand.

Those groups scared me as well at first until I realised one of the reasons for so much conflicting advice is the lack of support mums get. You may be one of the lucky ones with no issues at all and I hope that's the case, but most of my mum friends needed support at least once. If you don't have any peer support group to help or you have an urgent issue in the middle of the night those groups can be helpful.
But yes, I'd stay away until you have a specific issue. Hopefully the breastfeeding class will be helpful.
Regarding fed is best I 100% agree, but I stopped using that phrase because I realised in most cases it's insensitive to say it. Most mums who stop breastfeeding earlier than planned need to go through a grief phase and telling them fed is best will make them feel like you dismiss their feelings. Saying you're sorry and asking what you can do to help is much better. I hated hearing fed is best when I had issues feeding and needed to use formula, like people didn't understand it might be simple to them, but it isn't to me.
PS: I'd get that nipple cream. Yes, with correct latch breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, but, like everything you haven't done before, it needs practice.

Maybe the maternity hospital will have a BF.nurse. My hospital did..Her sole functionwas to advise and support young Mums to breast feed
She was a middle aged mumsy.lady, endlessly patient and kind.By the end of the week you wondered why you ever worried about it all!

It does hurt at the start, something which is very sensitive suddenly getting sucked on and chewed for multiple hours a day! I wish I’d known that, and that let down is sore too

Don't be part of these groups!
But also don't let it put you of breast feeding.
You might get lucky a have a nice midwife in the post natal ward who who will take time to help you breast feeding but don't count on that.
The national breast feeding helpline is meant to be very helpful. As is la leche league.

Lanolin OP! Lanolin ointment/cream is what I recommend. Use it from the beginning and doesn't need to be washed off!

Lots of sensible advice here OP. I would dearly love to see what the reaction from the fb group would be if you did post "fed is best". Here's my take. Breastfeeding is fab. Sometimes it's hard/impossible/baby or you can't. Formula is also fab. You don't need to "fail" at breastfeeding to try formula. Sometimes it's right for you. Good luck.

Absolutely buy the nipple cream the lanolin one but, my god you poor thing, you found the breastapo. Lol. These breastfeeding groups can get quite militant, ignore the loons and do what you feel is best for you and your baby. A happy mum means a happy baby and you are absolutely right, fed is best. 💕

The main reason you get a lot of conflicting advice is because the experience is very different for everyone. For instance I didn’t get any nipple cracking, they were a bit sore for a couple of days and that’s it. My sister in law went through loads of nipple cream as hers were really sore. My mums cracked and bled really badly. I had really leaky boobs and was changing breast pads multiple times a day and used them for the whole 20 months I fed. Sister in law never needed breast pads. Get some basic supplies sorted. Then buy more things as you need.

I think the problem with some of the groups is you attract the most passionate which can give a distorted view which then become a bit of an echo chamber. Other topics creep in and then suddenly you find yourself criticised for doing things the ‘wrong way’ or if you do something different it is taken as a criticism. If this group feels a bit intense there will be others that are less so but you might need to spend a fair bit if time looking for the right thing for you.

Good luck op! I found kellymom and the food of love by Kate Evans good (comic book guide to bf)

Have the number of a lactation consultant stashed up your sleeve in case you need it. And the helplines mentioned.

I also didn't have any problems with nipples, I must have oily nips :) did have issues with unhelpful comments about big boobs being the reason why I couldn't breastfeed though. Always ask yourself if the person advising you has actual knowledge or are just trying to be helpful. I was so knackered in hospital I think I asked the dinner lady for help!

Easier said than done but if you do have problems, try to relax and breathe deeply, I got in a stressed state that didn't help at all because babies can pick up on it. A kind midwife came in to me hunched over DD in the middle of the night and got me to sit back and breathe and it made all the difference.

Breast milk has stuff formula doesn't have, it's better because it supports the immune system but then so is feeding your children a diet of wholegrains and fresh veg and most of us end up with fish fingers and baked beans. You do what you can and love is the most important thing, formula feeding is not the end of the world if bf doesn't work out.

No point worrying in advance. Just find out a good bf consultant if you run into problems, I never found online advice or even online videos as useful as in-person help.

Costs some money to hire a bf consultant but it will save in formula costs if successful so worth it imo.

Also, don’t discount the benefits of combi-feeding, no need to martyr yourself to get the ‘exclusive’ label

I'd leave the group they sound very opinionated and unsupportive

It could work out beautifully, OP.
I had my first DC in the UK, having grown up in a country where breastfeeding was much more the norm and the default feeding method, and I was never aware that it can be problematic, as I have seen in the UK.
It was absolutely fine from the start, so this is a definite possibility. My peer group of antenatal mum's also all breastfed without any issues well past 12 months.
Good luck, and you are of course right: fed is best.

Lots of those groups always have militant women who put people off and are no help when things don't go to plan. It can really make people feel shit about themselves.

If you want to breastfeed I would find out what kind of help is available to you in your area. It's better in my opinion to do that before baby arrives then when you are sleep deprived and possibly struggling. So is there an expert midwife that will come out to you, check with your own midwife now, are there drop in clinics at your surgery where they will check the latch and you can meet other breastfeeding mums for a natter as well as hints and tips, what about a lactation consultant, are there any in your area, check reviews and costs.Have a look at YouTube too for different breastfeeding positions and get yourself a pillow to make it comfortable for you.

Congratulations to you, you've had great advice so I won't repeat it, I'll just add as I don't think I've seen it mentioned, that the breastfeeding support Scotland page on Facebook is excellent - really supportive and non judgemental advice. I saw up thread that another group doesn't allow discussion of nipple shields, well that was the only way my baby would feed for the first four months! I got really good advice from breastfeeding support Scotland and the national breastfeeding helpline about using shields which kept me going. Not sure if you have to be in Scotland to join... But just in case you are! They mention local groups but lots of the advice is generic in any case. Good luck!

I follow feedeatspeak on Instagram. She's very good. I trust her advice. I BF for 2 years. I found it took work for the first month or so then came more naturally. Part of my issues are probably because my LO haf CMPA.

Good post - breast or formula your baby will be getting an excellent start in life. It’s only one of many decisions you will have to make. DC’s had formula from day one - it’s amazing and no guilt in using it exclusively.

Leave that group!

I am a peer supporter at a local free drop in run by lactation consultants. I recommend you find a group like this local to you and drop in before baby arrives.

It might feel a bit scary especially if you see women crying and talking about how hard or painful things are - but you'll get to know how the group works, where to find it, where to park ... all things that will be invaluable when you are trying to get there with a newborn! The supporters there will be happy to have a chat with you about how to get off to a good start, and you might be able to listen in on other women being given support which can be useful too.

Good luck!

Be terrified of the batshit bf militia in the group, not of bf itself!

If you have problems, get real life support (friends, family, health visitor, sure start team, midwife)

If you don't have problems, or when any issues are resolved, bf is honestly the easiest thing! Leave the group and don't look back.

One piece of advice that might be useful getting started when baby first arrives, let them feed for as long as they want to (which can be ages). I was told by a midwife after both births that 5 mins on each side should be enough. That is not what it says on the nhs (it says feed as long as they want). Taking them off means your supply might not establish as well. Also drink plenty of water!

I'd get a tube of Lansinoh nipple cream. If you find it helps then great. If you don't, it's really good as lip balm and for putting on teething babies' sore fingers.

Agree with everyone else that a peer support group is the way to go. Where I am there is also a local breastfeeding support group on Facebook, which the peer supporters post on as well as other local mums. It's not a judgey one and supports all kinds of breastfeeding and combi feeding. I think something about knowing that you could bump into someone from the group in the street or at a baby group etc keeps it a bit more civil.

I think your midwife is supposed to give you information about breastfeeding at one of the later appointments, maybe 36 weeks? You can definitely ask her what local services there are anyway.