Breastfeeding advice group on Facebook has scared me?!

[elm26]

I thought it would be a good idea to join a private breastfeeding advice/support group as I hopefully will be breastfeeding when baby comes along.

I introduced myself and asked what they recommend me to buy, any tips, any information etc and oh my god, I feel like I've started WW3.

I do not know the first thing about breastfeeding but one lady commented telling me to get some good nipple cream and another replied saying if your nipples are sore it's a latch problem, so you don't need cream. The other lady then replied it's good to have as nipples can get quite sensitive etc and she replied breasts don't need to get used to being fed from so no need for cream, put up with the sensitivity.

Another said don't put baby's mouth to your nipple let them crawl their way up your stomach and find your nipple themselves.

Another said that I shouldn't have put that I'm "hoping" to breastfeed, it should be that I am going to breastfeed as this is what's best for the baby and there is no such thing as can't. I have always truly believed that "fed is best" and I think I'd get hunted down if I replied with that!

They've absolutely terrified me! I feel even more confused and like I'm a failure if for whatever reason I can't breastfeed/struggle with it.

Is it really worth being a part of these groups? Will I get help from the midwife etc? I do plan on going to the breastfeeding class.

please don’t be terrified OP, some people are just so die hard in their attitude. i breast fed my son for 14 months and my daughter until she was 2. it does hurt at the start, it can be painful so a good nipple cream is essential in the early days until you get used to it and it’s nothing to do with latch it’s the sensation as it’s new and your nipples aren’t used to it - once it’s established and your nipples don’t feel sore it will be the best thing you ever do and is so freeing and flexible when your out and about altho can be hard if baby refuses a bottle - my son was okayish on occasion but my daughter refused fo take a bottle ever! 😂 either way give it a go and if it doesn’t work out then you tried, don’t feel guilty, happy mother is happy baby xx wish you all the best on your breastfeeding journeyed 😊

This is the first time I’ve seen this discussed, but same as a lot of others have said these groups seem to be run by/attract what I call militant breast feeders! I’ve seen so many posts by women wanting advice on how to wean babies off the breast and being shot down for wanting to stop when all they wanted was advice.
I’m still BF my 18m DD (but only once a day these days which would probably horrify half the posters in the 2 local groups I’m part of as should he feeding hourly until their 18th birthday at least 🤣)
Good support in hospital is key, I had a great midwife who supervised every feed I did on her shift. I then had contact with a BF support worker which was organised by the community midwives. Lansinoh nipple cream I used after every feed from the word go. Loads of nursing bras (they get soggy quickly, I’d bought a few but had to buy more!) Big muslins for absorbing dribbles, giving privacy etc. I did some online courses at ‘the baby academy’ which were very helpful to give the basics in advance without being scary. Congratulations on your imminent arrival!

Don't overthink it or panic too much. Take advice in hospital/from HV. Anything you're struggling with ask on here or search previous threads. The only Facebook group I would recommend is the Can I Breastfeed In It? Group that recommends breastfeeding friendly clothes. I BF my eldest until 3 and second is still BF at 18 months. I needed nipple cream in the first weeks with my first and now my second is teething. Just remember nipple to nose, feeding for hours on end is normal and milk can take a week to come in. You don't need much more than that to begin with and see hope you go. Congratulations!

I bf all of mine till 2. They'd of starved trying to crawl up my stomach so breast to baby and definitely lanolin based nipple cream for the early days.

This is what worked for me though. Everyone is different. My best advice would be to give it a go as colostrum is really beneficial to baby but yes fed is best.

Getting a good latch is important but honestly just hold the baby any way that is comfortable for your arms and do some reading up / watch videos about the latch... even with a good latch get nipple cream Lanolin is amazing .. if it doesn't work for you switch to bottles.
I remember a midwife telling me my baby who was gaining weight very well / no issues was being held wrong for breast feeding, tried to contort my arms into an uncomfortable pose ... she left and I went back to how I was getting on fine doing it, he's a very healthy 6 year old
My second was born in lockdown, bliss not having anyone come around and give their opinions!

breastfeedingwithoutbs.blogspot.com/p/no-bs-breastfeeding-resources.html

This page is about eight or nine years old, but has a list of breastfeeding the forums listed may be inactive now, but take a look at the books and some of the websites with helpful videos.

Good luck, OP! I breastfed my two, but also gave a bottle of formula once we were well established (for convenience, not because I had to), mostly breastfed on a "rough" routine, and night-weaned once mine had been eating solids for a few months. I doubt I'd be welcome on Kellymom and the other sites, where the mods are horrified at that kind of thing. Yet my kids are happy and healthy, and I mostly enjoyed breastfeeding rather than being martyr to it.

Oh god, these groups are NUTS. Avoid like the plague.

I didn't ever need nipple cream though fwiw. I got slightly sore nipples but never needed the cream.

But just like anything there are lots of ways to do it and everyone will have differing advice. It's hard to know what to trust. I agree go into it with a positive mindset and know the details of a local breastfeeding support group. These can be super for proper hands on help rather than trying to figure it out from Internet advice.

I thought it would be a good idea to join a private breastfeeding advice/support group

That was your BIG mistake. Those groups are nuts. Better to ask on here or Kellymom.

BYW Lanisnoh is worth every penny. Don’t let people tell you breast and nipple pain isn’t normal. It is.

This group was invaluable for me: www.facebook.com/groups/bflsuk/?ref=share

It's called "Breastfeeding and Lactation Support UK", its evidence based and admin-led so not a free for all of conflicting advice, & the admin are all trained in breastfeeding support. They can even offer latch checks via video.

There are good groups out there but as with the Internet in general there's also a lot of not so great ones.

Its a new skill for you & your baby so its great you are seeking advice in advance. I'm 6 months in after a bumpy start (DS was very sleepy and lost too much weight) but I'm so glad we managed to learn it together (& I really appreciate not having to get out of bed at 3am to make a feed!).

It did hurt at the start. I wish I had been better prepared for that. I would comfort you that it all goes by the end of the first month in my experience, and after that it was really easy. But that first month was hard. It didn't hurt with my next kid. I think it's just as they get used to their new role.

Those first few weeks there were times I squealed everytime the baby latched as it was that painful. Like shooting pains. I think he had a pretty strong latch or I had a strong letdown. But a hot bath helped. And it is such a short time relatively, I went on to feed my first until 1 year and my second until nearly 2 before stopping. It was totally worth pushing through that first month and I'm glad I did.

I found it such a comfort to always have their food near me when I was out and to feed them when they were ill thinking I could give them some antibodies.

Both of mine fed within an hour or so of birth, but the hospital midwives were really useful in helping with positioning so please do make use of them while you are in.

Wow thank you all so much!

They really made it sound like a huge scary military operation which had strict rules you had to adhere to at all times otherwise you are some kind of feeding failure 🤦🏻‍♀️

You've all made me feel so much better, thank you for all the advice and who to contact etc. x

Whatever you do please please please keep the mantra of "fed is best" I took it so far to heart that I had to breastfeed that when it didn't work out I took it very hard. I really hope it works out for you but if it doesn't or if you just don't like it your baby will be just fine.

Wowzers that sounds insanely confusing! They're obviously all passionate but that's not massively helpful to you!

I really struggled with breastfeeding my first but am also so stubborn that I didn't want to give up. My best bit of advice would be that if you need support find that one trusted group / advice line or whatever it may be & try not to disappear down the rabbit hole of trying everything & anything people suggest.

My son was slow to put on weight & I saw a different midwife almost every other day for the first month of his life - I also had different advice from every single one of them & it was so confusing I literally didn't know what to do. Finally someone thought to mention the infant feeding team at our hospital & that's when things changed - consistent advice from people trained to help & we were off & running, ok maybe not running quite yet but it was a definite turning point.

If you do need cream I definitely vote for the purple lansinoh cream - probably the only thing everyone i spoke to agreed on 😂.

Good luck for the new arrival 😊😊

I read this book before I had my DC - absolutely brilliant! I had no issues (EBF both on demand for 6 months and continued to feed DC1 to 18 months and DC2 to 2 years), which I completely attribute to this book. I knew instantly that my latch was incorrect from the book rather than the midwives. The “advice” I got from others was just anecdotal and scientifically inaccurate. www.amazon.co.uk/What-Expect-When-Youre-Breastfeeding/dp/0091906962

Haha I wouldn't worry about that. I used to just offer it to them a lot. My kids snacked a lot and we never did proper long feeds and they'd often fall asleep feeding but they gained weight really well. I never timed anything.

That's actually what I think is so great about breastfeeding. They eat what they want and stop. They can come back in twenty minutes for more. No worrying about a bottle spoiling as its always good to go.

I used to drink alcohol whilst feeding too. My midwife told me as long as you aren't getting really drunk the amount that passes through is negligible and there is no need to abstain.

Go to a local f2f group, the online ones are crazy. As are the car seat advice ones I found. Have seen a recent one with regards to turning a 5 year old to forward face and how this is evil to do as still loads of room to rear face at 5!.. (awaits a flame... 😱)

To set expectation it really hurt me at the beginning. My mum was breastfeeding for about 7 years of her life and she said it hurt at the start every time. It wasn't just "latch issue" - it does take getting used to. Then it's really easy.

Those groups are bananas, although it is true that pain is a sign of a sore latch and those lanolin nipple creams can just make everything more slippy and not really do a lot else.

support from midwives and health visitors is hit and miss, i won’t lie to you.

are you having a hospital birth? Ie not a home one? You can ask to speak to the infant feeding team before discharge; they are specialists who can help with positioning and attachement and free! Don’t let anyone mug you off and say it’s only for if you’re struggling, nope not true, insist.

a good piece of advice would be to find an IBLBC in your area in advance just in case you run into difficulties, so you know who you’ll turn to.

most importantly though, do your best and forget the rest.

Hi OP

These groups can be really militant. I fed for 18 months and almost felt isolated as didnt bottle feed so was the odd one out sometimes, and when I asked for advice on these breastfeeding groups on things like how to cut down, how to stop night feeds, how to get a breastfed baby to take a bottle, a lot of the time I felt really dismissed and just got responses like 'waking up every 90 min through the night to comfort feed at 8 months is completely normal, just go with it, it's what your baby needs' etc etc. Its not normal, it was a habit that almost broke me! There doesn't seem to be many people that sit in the middle and can see the downsides of breastfeeding even though they breastfeed.

In any case
Buy:
A feeding bra, when you're quite pregnant so you dont grow any more (eg 35 weeks)
Then buy some more if you stick with it
Breast pads
A cheap feeding cushion from asda

Everything else like feeding clothes just buy if you stick with it, use zip hoodies and cardies and stuff in the meantime.

I did find a light up kindle useful for night feeds, bright enough to read but not too bright that I properly woke up, and i could just go straight back to sleep after.

I had a really good breastfeeding support group for establishing feeding so ask midwives what is available in your local area. I found midwives didnt help much, I dont think they get much training. The main thing the group taught me was feeding All The Time is normal, and 'nose to nipple'. Just make sure the babys mouth is open really wide so your whole nipple goes in. And I was told to google the 'flipple' to achieve this (someone showed me so didnt need to but apparently there are good YouTube videos).

Lastly if you get continuing pain and the latch is ok, go to an independent qualified tongue tie practitioner to check for tongue tie. midwives and doctors are NOT properly trained and can't always tell. Practitioners do 7 different checks of tongue movement. Doctors and nurses do a quick visual.

Good luck!

But that’s true though… rear facing is just safer even at 5. It’s not evil of course to turn your 5 year old forward facing (not with a 5 point harness) but if they’re within the weight limit of their RF car seat, why not keep them RF if you can?

Not having a go at you personally as it's a helpful suggestion, but even that group has a rule that you can't mention dummies or nipple shields. These kinds of restrictions are crazy and just not helpful for the average person.

It’s also not entirely evidence led, I saw a post when admin closed a comment of a woman with a baby with cmpa down saying that they don’t actually have cmpa because all cmpa babies react through breast milk, completely not evidence based at all and factually inaccurate

point is; the groups are ok but face to face support from someone who’s profession it is will always be better and less problematic at times also

Another said that I shouldn't have put that I'm "hoping" to breastfeed, it should be that I am going to breastfeed as this is what's best for the baby and there is no such thing as can't

As soon as you read this message you shouldve told them all to fuck off and left the group! For fuck sake what a horrible attitude!!!

You've gotten loads of great advice here already so I won't add more but best of luck and you seem to have a great attitude toward it already 😊

Hi @elm26 ,

Many congratulations on your pregnancy, wishing you and baby well over the coming days and weeks.

I'm sorry that the local FB group has been so unhelpful, such a shame!

If you have time, you might find it helpful to visit your local Breastfeeding Network (BfN) drop-in session. The BfN are a UK based charity which supports Breastfeeding families in their local communities. You may find BfN peer supporters in your maternity ward, at your local children's centre and/or other community space.

You can find your nearest BfN drop-ins at this link: www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drop-in/

They would love you to visit them whilst pregnant, they'd be happy to talk you through some of the things you may want to be aware of ahead of baby's arrival. You'll not know ahead of time how you and baby will find breastfeeding, by visiting your local Breastfeeding drop-in service before baby arrives, you'll be well prepared if you do find that you need help.

Depending on where you live, you might find that there are different drop-in sessions running at different times on different days in different locations, you may want to familiarise yourself with that information now, if you can.

As well as being a great resource for support, advice and guidance from trained and qualified Breastfeeding experts, it can also be a space where great friendships and support networks are found. There'll be other women with young baby's and children who you will meet, and you'll likely bump into these same women at different parent and baby groups in your area, it's great to have the opportunity to start building those networks early.