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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at my mother called my daughter "her" baby?

110 replies

goodmorningsunny · 14/12/2022 19:31

My parents had DD over night for the first time last weekend. She's 11 months. I'm so grateful to my parents for caring for her but when she brought her to a Christmas party we were all meeting at the next day, she was very reluctant to let me hold he or take her. She spent most of the party scooping her up and taking her to people. I missed her so much, I was so sad!

But since she was born my mum has a habit of calling her "my baby" (as in my mums baby). She's a great mum and grand mother and I love her dearly, am I unreasonable to get upset about this? It's not that I don't want her to feel connected to her GD but it almost feels like she's undermining all the hard work I'm putting in to raising her every day. Thought? Am I being possessive?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 14/12/2022 19:36

My mum has said that about my (now 16 year old) DD … and still says it now. It’s never bothered me, I’ve always thought of it as a sign of affection.

WineCap · 14/12/2022 19:36

It's a bit weird but I'd let it slide. As long as she isn't banging on your door every day for a cuddle then I think the occasional granny brag is fine, she's proud of her grandaughter and wants to share her love and pride with others. She's likely very proud of you too.

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 14/12/2022 19:39

Undermining how?

Reugny · 14/12/2022 19:39

Either let it go or just say "grand-baby" with a smile. Then point out she is the one who is suppose to have fun with her and spoil her while you do all the parenting.

Oh and it will get easier letting the people you love and trust hold your baby and take her out without you.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 14/12/2022 19:40

Massive over reaction. Your Mum loves her dearly, it's affection.

donttellmehesalive · 14/12/2022 19:42

Good grief. I have family members who refer to my kids similarly. It's never occurred to me to mind. Just be thrilled that your dc is so loved. It's not like she really thinks your child is hers.

Anon778833 · 14/12/2022 19:43

I think YABU - your mum loves your dd because she's your baby.

User0ne · 14/12/2022 19:43

I can't see why you'd get wound up by this. It's not like your DC is going to suddenly think she's their mum and it's unlikely anyone else would think that either.

timetosave · 14/12/2022 19:44

Agreed this seems like a big overreaction, my mum & MIL does that to my children (who are still very young) but always in a kind & affectionate way, when talking to the baby & not to me. Unless she is meaning it in a way where you feel she is putting you down for being a 'bad' mother, I wouldn't take offence at all. She sounds like a very loving & caring GM, which is something to be grateful for.

Hayliebells · 14/12/2022 19:44

If there’s nothing else, if she’s not interfering, I’d definitely let that slide, and be happy she’s so keen to look after her.

Sage396 · 14/12/2022 19:45

I'm sure I've occasionally called my nieces "my baby" or "my girl" over the years. I definitely do not think they're my children or that I'm the one doing the work raising them lol. Its just an affectionate thing... It's really not that deep.

Minniemouse85 · 14/12/2022 19:47

Wish my mum was still around to call my dd “her baby” again.

SenecaFallsRedux · 14/12/2022 19:48

We don't own our children. It takes a village, and you are lucky to have your mum in your village.

Cotswoldmama · 14/12/2022 19:50

I think it depends how she says it if it's to other people so she's showing them and saying 'this is my baby' that's weird but if her talking to your dd 'you're my gorgeous baby' I would think that's fine. I think I've probably said similar not baby but I'm sure I talked to my baby nieces and nephews and said 'you're my gorgeous boy/girl' or 'who's my gorgeous boy/girl'

Tundrawave · 14/12/2022 19:51

YABU and precious

ShowOfHands · 14/12/2022 19:51

My MIL always says this about all of her grandchildren. She means "my kin", "my family", she means "I love this baby fiercely". She doesn't mean "I think this baby is my issue".

It's a wonderful thing in an otherwise healthy relationship.

user14728311987 · 14/12/2022 19:51

My Mum always calls my baby her baby. I've never been bothered by this, in fact I like how she considers my daughter to be like another one of her children. I was also very close to my Nan when growing up and she was truly like a second Mum to me.

Judgyjudgy · 14/12/2022 19:51

Get a grip. It's a suggestion of affection. Pretty much all of mu close family members call my DC their baby

PrinceHaz · 14/12/2022 19:54

I think you’re right to feel put out. I feel for you.
However, it will pass and it won’t damage your child or your relationship with your child, in the long run. Your mum probably particularly likes the baby stage.

Maray1967 · 14/12/2022 19:55

Had no one else noticed the part where Op says her mum was actively stopping her picking up her daughter the day after she’d stayed away from home? That’s not on. You need to get firm here. ‘Mum, you’ve had her all night and I want her now’,.

giggly · 14/12/2022 19:55

FFS, give yourself a shake woman

Ladysodor · 14/12/2022 19:57

In years to come it won’t matter one iota. Smile and ignore it. I’m 60 this year both my kids are grown up and my mum was the same. It’s not important.

EllieRosesMammy · 14/12/2022 19:58

My mum is the same with my first born, to the point of undermining me and being overbearing quiet often. Yet with my second born she's not like that at all (which is another issue as she's not treating them fairly lately). Not sure which side of her I actually prefer 🤦‍♀️

Imafirework · 14/12/2022 20:02

She sounds lovely
My mum still calls my sons 'my boys' and they are adults now. She adores them and they adore her too.
I love the bond they have.

DriftwoodOnTheShore · 14/12/2022 20:02

I was the same with my nephew and niece. It isn't undermining, it's affection.

My Nain called me her baby and my mum didn't mind at all because she's not daft. Very silly to get upset by a gesture of love.