To get annoyed at my mother called my daughter "her" baby?

[goodmorningsunny]

My parents had DD over night for the first time last weekend. She's 11 months. I'm so grateful to my parents for caring for her but when she brought her to a Christmas party we were all meeting at the next day, she was very reluctant to let me hold he or take her. She spent most of the party scooping her up and taking her to people. I missed her so much, I was so sad!

But since she was born my mum has a habit of calling her "my baby" (as in my mums baby). She's a great mum and grand mother and I love her dearly, am I unreasonable to get upset about this? It's not that I don't want her to feel connected to her GD but it almost feels like she's undermining all the hard work I'm putting in to raising her every day. Thought? Am I being possessive?

My MIL did this with my DS when he was tiny and it did irritate me.

Mind you, it was combined with her insistence that he was 'her ethnicity' (when he was only a quarter her ethnicity - completely negating her husband and my genetic contribution), that he should call her 'mummy firstname' instead of Nana and that he 'obviously preferred her'. 🙄

Honestly I could have coped with the 'my baby' if she'd been otherwise normal.

Nothing you have written here suggests that she is undermining you, but there may be stuff in the background that is leading you to feel this way.
I felt jealous and possessive around my babies and it wasn't healthy. I'm not at all suggesting you are being this extreme, but sharing this to say I really wish I hadn't felt like this, as it tainted the experience of other lovely people appreciating my babies.
🤦💚

I agree with so many of these comments. I often call my DGC 'my precious' or 'my precious boy/girl' - I just mean that they are very precious to me but I certainly don't think they're mine.

It's not uncommon. Don't take it personally.

I do it with my sister's dog, too. "Come here, my little Peppa," etc etc

yabu

please stop being precious
your dd is her baby’s baby - she doesn’t mean anything else by it

there’s no way she thinks she is your dd’s mother

you are very lucky to have your mum around in this way - but seem ungrateful

Be happy you mum loves her grandchild and move on with your life.

Barely letting you pick her up the next day is off. Don’t be a doormat if she pulls this again, it’s your child and you’re entitled to cuddle her when you want. Don’t let her control that. The other stuff seems fairly common.

You 'really missed her' because you weren't the one smothering her all the time? Get a grip OP, you were in the same room, you are the one with her most of the time Let other people bond with your child too and be grateful you have willing and helpful grandparents, something a lot of new mothers would give their right arm for.

I walk into my nephews house and say ‘where’s my baby to him?’ I dont actually think hes my frigging baby

I often call my grandchildren 'mine'.

I also threaten to pop them in my bag and nick them at the end of a visit. I warn my daughters to check my bags when i go in case I've been unable to resist stealing away these gorgeous little ones.

We always see this in threads about grandparents behaving like this, even when they literally take the child out of his mother's arms. We get a chorus of "awww she just loves her dgc". The MN majority view seems to be that grandparents have the right to override the mother's wishes.

I just can't imagine taking a grandchild out of my daughter's arms and refusing to give him back until I feel like it.

FGS - REALLY !

I had a similar situation with my now ex mother in law. The first time she met our new born son she referred to him as her baby. For a new mum and hormonal me it was too much. On a first family outing after having my daughter she snatched the pushchair from me to show the baby off. It made me sad, it was my job to do that having grown her for 9 months. So yes, I completely get where your coming from and wouldn't have been happy either.

Change Mother to MIL and the responses you'd be getting about being precious would be very different right now.

Surely it's not literal but a term of endearment?

I'd hate that op. MIL did that with my son just once and I shot her such a look that she hasn't dared to ever do it again! No-one apart from dh and me gets to say my baby and I don't care who thinks that's stupid / crazy / whatever.

❤️

Get a grip. MN is a truly weird place.

I bet your MIL thinks you’re wonderful 🙄

Some people get weird when they become grandparents!

My mum's not here to meet her gorgeous new granddaughter and whilst that's a shame, if she were and she was behaving like this, I would be feeling the same.

It's not awful behaviour or anything, it's just a bit odd the things some grandparents do.

Context and history matter. From what you’ve said, your mom tries to sideline you and take over when she’s around. You need to speak up. “I’ve got it covered.”

I suspect if you felt supported rather than challenged in your role as a parent, the ‘my baby’ wouldn’t bother you as much.

(Personally, I hated it from anyone other than my husband or other kids)

Both my DP & all my siblings would say things like 'where's my baby' when greeting/looking after all my 3 DC. It didn't undermine me as a mum though.

YAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU @goodmorningsunny Your mum had the baby overnight and you're nitpicking this? Give yourself a big shake and move on!

It depends. I can't believe all the posters on here dismissing any need for context out of hand. Superficial responses.

Is your mum genuinely trying to take over parenting? Intrude? Making decisions that only a parent should make?

If she is, then she might think your dd is her baby. And she's over stepping boundaries.

It's great to have relatives who care and love the children in the family but it's not on if they start to think they have a say in the responsible decision making side of things. That is the role of the parent.

This!

When you become a GM you will understand.