Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at my mother called my daughter "her" baby?

110 replies

goodmorningsunny · 14/12/2022 19:31

My parents had DD over night for the first time last weekend. She's 11 months. I'm so grateful to my parents for caring for her but when she brought her to a Christmas party we were all meeting at the next day, she was very reluctant to let me hold he or take her. She spent most of the party scooping her up and taking her to people. I missed her so much, I was so sad!

But since she was born my mum has a habit of calling her "my baby" (as in my mums baby). She's a great mum and grand mother and I love her dearly, am I unreasonable to get upset about this? It's not that I don't want her to feel connected to her GD but it almost feels like she's undermining all the hard work I'm putting in to raising her every day. Thought? Am I being possessive?

OP posts:
SingingSands · 14/12/2022 20:05

I wish my children had had grandparents like that, it sounds lovely. A close relationship with your grandparents is something very, very special.

TowerStork · 14/12/2022 20:05

Is there something else going on because what you describe doesn’t sound like a big deal in itself? My mother called me ‘her baby’ until I was 20 (!). Now she refers to her grandchild as her ‘new baby’ and so on. Similar to pp, I see it as affection and never thought twice about it.

Soakitup37 · 14/12/2022 20:05

Yabu, my mum used to do this with ds, I loved it, I now do it with my sisters children, “how’s my baby today” I’m referring as the baby being “mine in my life” precious to me and my niece/nephew. Sister does it to me about my dsons.

shes not proclaiming the baby is here but it’s her (grand)baby, and that is exactly the context it’s being said. If it bothers you that much just ask her to stop.

NuckingFightmare · 14/12/2022 20:06

MIL once rang when DS2 was tiny. She asked “and how’s my baby?” I said “oh he’s great thanks, hang on, I’ll put him on”. “DH, your mum wants to speak to you” and passed the phone over.
Sorry but I irrationally hated it. He’s MY bloody baby!

Luellie · 14/12/2022 20:06

YABU but I feel you - my mum sometimes says the same, and I find it weird. I can't explain why, really. And I know I'm being silly, so I don't say anything. But I quietly cringe inside every time!

skippy67 · 14/12/2022 20:06

My mum always called my dc hers. No biggie.

Danikm151 · 14/12/2022 20:07

My Nan still refers to me as her baby sometimes … I’m 31

Unsureofitall · 14/12/2022 20:07

My mum is like this with my child. My child even calls her mummy sometimes Confused. We lived with her for a while when my DD was young, so she heard me and my brother call her mum and just assumed that was her name. Now it's stuck. Really doesn't bother me. My mums adores her. My child knows difference between me and my mum and yours will too. Let it go.

UWhatNow · 14/12/2022 20:08

If this was a MIL everybody would’ve said she was evil and you should refuse contact ever again!!! But lots of older women would just naturally do this with a beloved grandchild - they don’t actually think they are their own! And when she was showing her off, she’s just thrilled and in love with her. So I think you are just being over-sensitive.

Take a longer term view and be glad she is building such a lovely bond with her. My DC are young adults now and still regularly see their grandmother and pour out all their gossip and worries to her. They both really benefit from such a beautiful relationship and growing up it was invaluable to us from a childcare perspective.

Your child knows who her mother is. You don’t need to be jealous and worried about others loving and caring for her - she will only benefit from all that care and attention.

TaraRhu · 14/12/2022 20:08

I don't mind MY mum saying it but I Hate my mother in law saying it! Rediculots as my mil is lovely and a far more active grand parent than my mum.

TheGlitterFairy · 14/12/2022 20:16

I’m with you OP and @NuckingFightmare MIL kept doing this with me and I hated it. Took numerous requests for it to stop.

Starseeking · 14/12/2022 20:20

My parents refer to my DC as "their DC" all the time. While it can grate sometimes, if they're helpful, kind and loving, as mine are, I'd let it go. This isn't the hill to die on.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 14/12/2022 20:54

Minniemouse85 · 14/12/2022 19:47

Wish my mum was still around to call my dd “her baby” again.

I feel the same
My mum passed away when mine were tiny
I'd love her to be able to scoop them up and call them her baby's

Iam4eels · 14/12/2022 21:15

My mum will refer to my DC as her babies as in "where's Nana's baby?" followed by a big cuddle. Its just a term of affection

PollyIndia · 14/12/2022 21:40

Minniemouse85 · 14/12/2022 19:47

Wish my mum was still around to call my dd “her baby” again.

Exactly what I was just thinking xx

Anycrispsleft · 14/12/2022 22:08

I think it always hard to judge anything from one example but there is something bothering you about this so some questions I would be asking myself would be

Are these a couple of one off things or do you often feel undermined? And if so what is going on when you feel like that?

What would happen if you asked your mother to stop referring to your baby that way or at the event, if you had asked to take them back and not taken no for an answer?

How were things when you were a child yourself?

Kinneddar · 14/12/2022 22:12

it almost feels like she's undermining all the hard work I'm putting in to raising her every day

Oh come on, it's not like she's trying to pass her off as her child. It's quite a common thing I wouldn't get stressed about it.

allboysherebutme · 14/12/2022 22:21

She just adores her, I was 18 when my sister was born , always called her my baby or my princess.
My mum never had a problem, I know she's not mine, but could not love her anymore if she was. X

Sceptre86 · 14/12/2022 22:24

My mum always asks how her babies are. I respond that I'm fine but if she wants to know how my babies are, they are fine too. It comes from a good place with my mum, she's an affectionate nan. Unless your mum is a weirdo I'd not see an issue. If you do have an issue with your mum and boundaries, don't let her have your child overnight. Instead take care of your own kid, the way plenty of parents without help do.

PinkFrenchie · 14/12/2022 22:29

YABU, I call my best friends baby 'my baby girl'.. it's a term of endearment, I know she's not my actual baby...

TokenGinger · 14/12/2022 22:36

My mum calls my DS "my baby" and it's never occurred to me to mind. She adored him, and he adores her. It's harmless.

Stunningscreamer · 14/12/2022 22:44

TaraRhu · 14/12/2022 20:08

I don't mind MY mum saying it but I Hate my mother in law saying it! Rediculots as my mil is lovely and a far more active grand parent than my mum.

That's a bit mean. Why should your husband's mother love his children less than your mother loves yours. Sigh.

Anyway OP I do think it's a form of speech, like I call my cat my baby as a form of affection, and would probably do that with grandchildren if I had them but I wouldn't think that I trumped the actual parents. However, her monopolising the baby when you're around isn't acceptable and you need to be more assertive around that, and get your DH's support. It's fine to hold the baby but not keep it away from you, that's just not on.

Eatentoomanyroses · 14/12/2022 22:47

My mum calls mine ‘Nanny’s baby’. I think it’s cute. I’m very glad my children have other people that love them.

LittlePearl · 14/12/2022 22:52

Is it any different from something like ‘My darling’?

if it’s in a sentence like ‘Come on my baby, let’s go and look at the birds in the garden’ it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. It’s just a term of endearment.

Postgraddope · 14/12/2022 22:59

Well as a Grandma I regularly refer to grandchild as my special,gorgeous baby and my daughter is comforted that I love her so much .

Swipe left for the next trending thread