To get annoyed at my mother called my daughter "her" baby?

[goodmorningsunny]

My parents had DD over night for the first time last weekend. She's 11 months. I'm so grateful to my parents for caring for her but when she brought her to a Christmas party we were all meeting at the next day, she was very reluctant to let me hold he or take her. She spent most of the party scooping her up and taking her to people. I missed her so much, I was so sad!

But since she was born my mum has a habit of calling her "my baby" (as in my mums baby). She's a great mum and grand mother and I love her dearly, am I unreasonable to get upset about this? It's not that I don't want her to feel connected to her GD but it almost feels like she's undermining all the hard work I'm putting in to raising her every day. Thought? Am I being possessive?

Funny responses considering that there was a previous thread where a MIL did this and everyone piled on saying it was unacceptable and that they wouldn’t let her near the child again if she didn’t understand boundaries…

Gosh I call my grandkids “my” all sorts, my babies, my darlings, my little angels, even my tiny terrors. DD and SIL don’t seem to mind, everyone knows perfectly well who their parents are.

I would kill for my mum to have had a chance to meet her grandkids, she could've called them whatever she wanted, I wouldn't care. This isn't a scold OP, but honestly, you have this woman loving and supporting you and your child. I would kill for that.

Calling her ‘my baby’ is ok if the relationship is otherwise healthy. The baby does share the grandmother’s genes and in a very literal way is partially hers.

The relationship isn’t healthy in that she kept scooping the baby up and taking her away from you without asking and clearly you weren’t comfortable with this and I suspect baby wasn’t happy either.

You need to reassert your authority as the mum and then the phrase ‘my baby’ won’t bug you so much.

You don’t have to agree to overnight stays. 11 months is very very young for that and clearly your instincts are telling you that you and the baby are not ready. My DC have never stayed the night at someone else’s house without me also staying there, and they’re 10 and 8. The first time they had someone else overnight in our house while me and DH were away was age 4.

You don’t have to put up with anything that goes against your instincts.

I think it's what you're used to or not in families. None of my family or DP's did this, so I find it odd. I agree with a PP that "how's my gorgeous boy/girl/baby" sounds less possessive and offensive than "this is my baby"

Nothing wrong with it. Obviously everyone knows she's not the actual mother. She's just saying it because she's proud.
Everyone knows you're the actually mother. It wouldn't bother me in the least.
My ds often used to ask how "her babies" were when asking about my children - i only ever interpreted as affection.

Yes, YABU.
Perfectly normal to say " Here's my baby!" etc.
Caalm down and enjoy the love your child is receiving from a wider circle than you.

@goodmorningsunny

yabu

dont alienate your mum

when u r wanting a babysitter for when you have a night out with your pals you’d regret it!

For goodness sake, she loves her granddaughter! If that’s all you have to worry about you’re lucky. Lighten up.

My mil often says my boy or our boy. It's never bothered me. I along with everyone else knows that he's mine and my husbands🤷🏻‍♀️

I call my nephew ‘my boy’. I know he is my sister’s son. It’s just a term of affection.

I’d love it if my mum did this! My MiL does it and it does slightly grate but that’s my issue not hers. She’s a good MiL but can tend to be controlling / a know it all so I guess that’s why it can annoy me but I know deep down it comes from a good place and I’m delighted my little boy has a granny that loves him so much. My mum can be a little ‘distant’…I wish she loved my son like my Mil.

Crikey I'd probably do the same if I was lucky enough to become a grandmother. I'd better be careful in case it upsets anyone. Except I can't imagine it would.

You are (as you say) lucky to have an involved grandparent. we didn't all have that luxury

Gosh I have been known to refer to dgs as my boy or more often nowadays my best boy. I don't mean that I believe he's mine nor am I minimising dd's role as his mother. I'm just acknowledging he is part of my family. Thankfully dd doesn't take offence in fact she sees it as a positive that dgs is surrounded by people who love him and quite often tells him he's Granny's best boy. Be happy you child has grandparents who loves him and you have a mother happy to help out. Many aren't as fortunate.

My mum will sometimes say stuff like "Come to mummy" and then she will correct herself and say nana 😆 she also takes my youngest and cuddles him all the time. I don't see my mum as any kind of threat though. I think it's just that they love them them so much and they just want to appreciate the time they get with them.

Worry less about her language and more about her intentions and behaviour.
Policing how she expresses affection is a ridiculous waste of effort.
If she's over ruling you on parenting matters and interfering that's a different thing.

Same!

I never even got to to push the pram when my mum was present. She took over completely but I know it was because she was besotted with my children. Take a deep breath and keep calm.

Hi OP, I understand what you’re saying - my mum is very possessive with my little girl and I do find it difficult because she doesn’t seem to enjoy the sight of me parenting at all, and she never encourages me in any way about how i do things or says anything nice - it’s always critical and when she’s around it’s like she’s default parent thinking about all the decisions for my toddler and I’m just some other third party. It can get very difficult as I can’t help but feel a sense of her constantly undermining my parenting by trying to do it herself. So although so many posters seem to have positive reactions to your mother’s actions, I’ve come here to say that it’s not always like that and actually as parents we deserve to feel good with our family members around us. Hang on in there - your mother is unlikely to have malicious intent but her behaviour is still having an impact on you.

I call my grandson my baby boy!

Zombie thread

No. It's weird.

Yes YABU.

Missing your daughter for interacting with others and feeling undermined by a term of endearment. That's pretty ridiculous unless there is a huge drip feed about your relationship with your mum.

My mum said it to me a few times about dd1. I corrected her lovingly. She calls my kids her bubbas, she loves them, lives 4 hours away but is a very loving gran. For me it's a non issue. Yours lives closer and has had yours overnight, if it's an issue don't let her have your baby overnight or do childcare. The bit that is not OK is that she wouldn't pass baby back to you. I'd stamp that out right now by being firm.

This. What a stupid thing to get so worked up over.