TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

As a primary school teacher and a parent, I am astonished that you can arrive at that judgment based on the say so of a four year old. It's irrelevant that your child can behave well if she's the centre of attention and talking to a family friend out of school. By all means listen to your child, but realise that based on your posts on this thread it is likely you are wrong about your judgements. Adults who work in schools are allowed to tell children off you know.

Thank you. I absolutely feel that most of these are teachers too or parents who are happy for their children to be abused on any level just to not have to deal with them.

I have made a formal complaint to which I’ve had a reply already; already refusing to take it as a formal complaint. This really speaks volumes already but I’m willing to listen to what the Heads solution is if he will not act upon a formal complaint.

Although this can be a stressful time of year due ti how busy it is, it’s also a really joyful time of year so why can’t people just have fun at the end of term.

"Ps, I'd consider a formal complaint in writing. If this is not handled sufficiently then complain to OFSTED."

Ooh, yes, please report this event to Ofsted. Let us know how you get on. 😂

In my experience parents who enable like this rear children who take time away from other pupils due to excessive classroom management, tantrums and babyish demands. The school are there to educate you are there to raise
In my oldests year, by the time they reached year 5 similar children to this had no friends and was feared and avoided, they turned into a bully because they expect to have their own way. Aside from the incident with the teacher, think about the future if they get their every whim and dont do what they are told.
Im all for spirited and genuinely strong willed children. But spoilt brats who are never challenged and enabled by parents make everyone elses life a misery.

@Hobbi Laugh all you like but the fact that you can laugh at a 4yr old being abused, says more about you than it does about me

It does speak volumes, I agree.

Does your daughter have any kind of sensory issues? Or any other sensitivities? My daughter has always been very “good” at school - I hate that phrase, but can’t think of a better one - and lives in terror of not doing exactly what the teachers say because she doesn’t want to get into trouble (which has caused its own issues, but that’s another story). But in reception she had a couple of incidences of getting very upset when a teaching assistant put a coat on her that she didn’t want to wear. They were quite frustrated with her because she was so upset and would usually always do what she was told. I only knew about it because they came to talk to me about how out of character it was. We never quite got to the bottom of what it was and she grew out of doing it, but I think it’s because she’s not mad about people touching her and I guess it all felt a bit much. Not sure…

Anyway, I can believe that a teaching assistant might roll their eyes because it makes their life more difficult, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like your child. I also think a child can not like having someone put a coat on them without being “naughty”. She’s only 4, it sounds like most 4 year olds to me.

That said, do you think the school are a bit touchy about your daughter going home earlier? And the homeschooling aspect? Is it a village school? Sometimes the relationships with parents can alter a lot simply because they know some of the parents very well and that can then seem like they’re treating your child differently. I do think things can sometimes seem a little different at small village schools (and I’m saying that with the experience of our children going to both very large, impersonal schools and small, village, everyone knows everyone schools). Things seem much more “professional” at a bigger school, though it’s hard to know if that means better.

I would agree with prior posters who say about being objective when you speak to the school though. It’s such a hard thing to do, but I do think it helps to get the best out of them. I think in the end you have to advocate for your child and do what you think is best.

I don’t know why, but it has surprised me quite how much vitriol there’s been on this thread. I hope you manage to get it sorted and your daughter is okay and enjoys school generally.

first, this is based on the way she presented herself in front of me and another parent towards my child and it’s not the first time.

if DD is not being well behaved, I do expect her to be reprimanded in a kind, educational and respectful manner…she is 4. As she gets older, the goal post of expectation will change.

You've just made all that up and applied it to OP's DD, simply because she used the term "strong willed". You've decided that this means the child is badly behaved and ran away with it. Total fabrication

@PissedOffAmericanWoman how did the ta bully the child to tears , she made her put her coat on ?

Im absolutely not a teacher, i couldnt be further from it. Im a parent and have witnessed enabling fussy parenting like this and the detrimental impact it has on the class, staff and other pupils. The ta did nothing wrong.

Gonna put my neck out here, any fucker can be a TA, my niece left Uni, rang an agency, paid for DBS and was in a classroom within a few weeks. No teaching experience, only a 2.1 from a high ranking Uni.

Hold your ground OP, if you feel there's an issue, don't let it go.

@MadameMackenzie well we only have what is written on here to go by and op hasn't covered herself in glory with her comments and has happily put down other peoples children.
Also posters who have sided have jumped on that the ta is awful and is a bully rtc etc on one side of a story and because the child was made to put her coat on before leaving to go outside in the freezing cold
But of you post on here you have to accept all answers good and bad and they won't always agree with the op

@Mydogatemypurse The ta did nothing wrong. You weren't even there! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

but OP started out as a bully and has just doubled down on it.

OP is the one insulting her child classmates which has nothing to do with anything and she started that in her opening post.

The story here is:

OP doesnt agree with schoold
School have a rule that kids put on coats before leaving in cold weather
OP doesnt think HER child should follow rules
TA put childs coat on in line with rules
OP is mad her child cried because she has been taught not to follow rules

No one bullied a child to tears

100% did not make it up ha 🤣 why would you make this up? But then why would you make up that the ta hates your child, strange isnt it.

In that situation when I worked in a school I'd of just let the natural consequences happen. So child doesn't wear coat child then complains they're cold. Though they never are, sure they don't feel it as much as adults.

---

In your opinion. You poor children, let’s home for their sake that they never need your back up.

I have no idea what I did to my post 😂

Apologies

Putting a formal complaint in because your child cried while having her coat put on will escalate the situation disproportionately.

Accusing those who try to work with teachers and TA's of not caring or standing up for their own children is unfair.

If you speak to the Head the way you have spoken here, you will achieve nothing except a sour relationship where you are not taken seriously.

Absolutely they won't. I'll ignore the patronising tone there. However 'not always agreeing' does not extend to fabricating your own version of what happened and then attacking the OP for it! 😂

Exactly, and she wasn’t even going outside!!
She wears a thermal vest, a long sleeved top, pinafore, thermal tights and just like you said they don’t feel the cold.

@Mydogatemypurse My child? I'm not the OP!

Hahahahaha

No it doesn't!

All my kids were strong-willed (can't think where they got it from...) and I never received one negative report. And if they got 'above themselves' it was dealt with firmly but kindly.