TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

Menopausal meanie TA

Other parent saw it!!!

@Baublesandtinsel How nasty. I wonder how the parent would feel with regards to you moaning about their child online?
Oh and for somebody who works in a school, your spelling is appalling.

Omg

You are just assuming that OP Is a liar because you don't like the way she worded her post. That's all I'm getting from this.

She's had a long day then the child refuses to put her coat on. She had probably had enough by then and just wanted to go home. She is only human

As a former teacher, I wholly agree with this. But get your complaint's wording checked and checked and checked and checked, it needs to be absolutely perfect to get the appropriate response. Happy to have a look through it for you if you'd like (names redacted).

I guess you didn't teach her the spellings and no formal learning until 3 years ago yet she sat 2 gcse , yes ok

More examples of your bullying nature.

Why should I take my child out of school whilst she’s generally happy, has friends, is doing well in all areas, has an amazing teacher just because of one person who can’t be kind and respectful to a 4 year old little girl.

No your child doesn't listen to anyone telling her what to do and you enable her by hurling insults and presuming menopause at someone on minimum wage that has to deal with the nightmare that is children like this to pay her bills. I feel really sorry for this TA and im glad the school had her back.
If your child wont put a cost on in freezing weather do you honestly think she follows any instruction in class.

Examples of my responses to other posts!

@racingcar but complaints only get upheld if all the facts are true and as more is said its looking less like its a case of ta disliking a child

Have you taught your child to be kind and respectful?

"Go to see the Headteacher and speak to them in a calm, polite manner and give the full facts. Make sure you put it in writing too. "

What full facts? That the TA once spoke to her in an abrupt way and today tried to get her into her coat?

School staff are allowed to be human. Their patience is not limitless. There is nothing here worthy of a complaint which is why op got nowhere with the head.

I admire your honesty. I don't think I know anyone who would go to work if they weren't getting paid. I suppose there might be some and I hope people can find work they enjoy but we need to be realistic and accept that TAs, teachers and nurses are human and although as professionals most of them do a good job some of them aren't great, I'm sure you've met some.

What makes you say that?

I work in a school and our reception class teacher has openly said a few students she "doesn't like". I think it's awful, but it happens. And I'm pretty sure it will affect how they're treated, I think that's pretty inevitable if you don't like someone.

OP I would just move on as this thread had been derailed horribly and frankly all parties involved are behaving poorly. The people on this thread are being unfair to you. But you are also being very unfair to bring up aging, menopause and pension when talking about the TA. I can forgive you though because sometimes getting bullied brings out the worst in people. But the conversation only devolves from here. But even if you are a horrible human being, scum of the earth even, it is NEVER okay for an adult to bully a child to tears and you are a good mother for trying to protect her. Us parents need to protect are children no matter what. These parents are probably just projecting because they have also treated children badly because they can't control their temper and your post makes them feel guilty and defensive because they know they were wrong to do that.

Just ignore them OP. They're mostly Teachers who feel they need to 'defend the profession'. Those of us who have witnessed TA's like this, we get you. We know you're telling the truth and that this is sadly, not uncommon.

Just completely ignore them

Ps, I'd consider a formal complaint in writing. If this is not handled sufficiently then complain to OFSTED.

Unfortunately children are always going to be said to have read the situation wrong or that they are lying because it’s easier than dealing with the complaints process and someone who is bad at their job. It’s easier to keep rubbish staff than recruit new ones.

I get the impression that she is quite a bully in general, even towards the teacher who is young but because the TA has been there so long, she has the upper hand and also because of what I have said above.

The very difficult problem we have is that it is sometimes so hard to unravel the rights and wrongs in these situations.
But I do think it is important to remember that while some people go into teaching (or being a TA) for the best of reasons and love children, some do it for other reasons. Miss Trunchbull resonates for so many people because most of us encountered at least one mini Miss Trunchbull at school, as well as hopefully at leat one Miss Honey.

Once upon a time not that long ago I would tell my DC that if they were lost, they should trust a policeman. I am not sure I feel confident telling my DDs that anymore, and certainly I know that people who are black often don't. Because some of the revelations that have been coming out recently are horrific. Does that mean that many, if not most, policemen do not go into it to serve the community and support the law? I don't think that either. But once upon a time people would dismiss anybody describing police misbehaviour (and the bad apples know it - "who is going to believe you?"). It is now clear that some policemen go into policing because of the power that it gives them over others, and their relative immunity. And, I am afraid, the same has to be said for teachers and TAs. Many, many go into it because they love children and want the best for them and do their very best for a pittance. But there are definitely some there because it is a way of having power and control over the vulnerable in a way that nowhere else affords, as nobody is as vulnerable as a child. And working out the rights and wrongs in these situations is very hard, just as it is with the police. But the instincts of any institution is going to be to dismiss it, regardless of whether it is serious or relatively trivial, and try and push it under the carpet, because it is the last think that they want to be dealing with when they are actually trying to run a police force or a school so they just want any such allegations to go away, and thus they try and make them go away, unless and until they are absolutely forced to confront or investigate them. When the DC is older one can have a discussion with the DC and the two of you can decide whether it is something that the DC feels they can put up with and they prefer that to the extra problems that will come with reporting (just as a woman can and often does decide not to report sexual assult to the police as she doesn't want the consequences of an investigation), and you can support them and believe them without necessarily doing anything. At four that is difficult, and you have to make the decision more on your own (although your four year old might have a view, I think it is worth talking to them). I personally think in this circumstance I would watch and wait, but that doesn't mean that your observations are not valid and your instincts not right.

@PissedOffAmericanWoman Well said! 👏🏻