TA doesn’t like my child and made her really upset today.

[BelleandH]

One of the TA’s quite obviously doesn’t like my child. I’ve had a feeling there is a problem for a while but it’s so difficult to approach firstly because she’s sligh about it and secondly because I don’t want her to treat my DD any worse.
I’ve witnessed it myself, the way she spoke to my daughter so abruptly and then to another child about the same thing straight after ina much kinder way. She avoids any eye contact with me, and will stand talking to other mothers for ages about their children (one in particular who’s children a far more trying than mine)
today it came to a head when she tried to wrestle her coat on and stormed her down the corridor to me - at this point my DD burst into tears.
I contacted the head who was straight away on the defence with his staff rather than listening to the facts.
DD is only 4, she is a lock down child from a shielding family so didn’t do any socialising from around 18 months. She’s not unruly but is strong willed. I’ve had so many compliments about her when she’s out with me so she’s not completely awful.

AIBU so put in a formal complaint about her?

Feels like you're on the wind up OP 😁

She was not going outside. She was being handed to me in reception, inside school. She is then my responsibility. I forgot to add that she rolled her eyes at the other parent about my child as soon as she came through door.

She is rude and unprofessional.

Its not what you expect though is it , its what the school expect. If they have to have coats on to leave she has to put coat on , you can take it off if you want
I also think strong willed can also be badly behaved depending on who is saying it

There are some atrocious TA's out there, have come up against a couple in the past. Sometimes you've got to wonder if they even like children!

You've got to hope they stay in that year group as your dd moves up a year.

@Pumperthepumper but some kids cry when they are told to do something they don't want to ? Thats not the TA fault
Seems the child didn't want to put on a coat and parent believes child can do as they want , not how life and school works

If anyone has a grudge or a disliking it sounds like you tbh OP.

Rolled her eyes at another parent because your child didn't want to put her coat on?! Come on now.

Fact. If your child goes to school they will need to be directed, dictated whatever you want to call it to by adults.
She's a child. She's one of 16. She doesn't get an equal say in how things should be run.

And don't be so bloody ageist.

Feeling sorry for that poor ta

My son cries when I change his nappy. According to Pumper and Op I should have a discussion with him about it and then let him sit in his own waste.

Or I could accept I am the adult and make the decisions.

I find it interesting as I recently read a thread where a mother was absolutely destroyed because she said she put her kid in time out. But in this thread a teacher is very aggressive and rude to a 4 year old but OP IS somehow in the wrong for being upset? My my what lovely people we have on mumsnet. Mothers cannot win can they? They can't discipline without being abused of being abusive but other adults essentially bully and abuse their children and they are just supposed to shut up and put up.

@Pumperthepumper if your really a teacher can you say you have never seen a child cry who has been told to do something they don't want to or told to stop bad behaviour ?
None of us can say for sure about the TA , but the OP language isn't worded the best , strong willed, won't do as an adult told them , isn't a robot
Surely as a teacher if you know putting a coat on all is a rule , one can't just mot don't because they don't want to

Her compliments actually came from good behaviour, smiling at people rather than scowling like I see a lot of children do or even worse, shying away from adults because that’s obviously what schools teach them; that adults seem to have some sort of superiority and can treat them how they like and children still have to do as they’re told.

Maybe homeschooling would work better for you? I can’t imagine sending my child to school if I had such strong doubts about how they were being treated and what they were being taught.

Now you're drip-feeding an eye-roll and throwing in some ageism too (middle-aged woman hanging on for her pension?!). Sorry if this thread isn't going how you'd hoped, but your desperation to find fault with this TA is starting to seem, well, desperate.

Your daughter didn't want to wear her coat and didn't like being told that she had to. Instead of pointing out to her that yes, she does need to wear a coat in freezing winter weather, you are showing her that no, she doesn't need to listen to the teaching staff at school and that anyone who tries to turn her into a robot should be ignored.

Well done you.

Stop with the ageist comments OP. You couldn't be more insulting.

I think we know why your dd thinks rules don't apply to her
The way you use your words is not kind and quite disrespectful of other peoples children , yet your own is allowed to do whatever by the sounds of things
Going to be a long time in school and having to be told what to do and having to conform to school rules

I don't see any of this as aggressive or rude. I see it as a mother seeing a 'middle aged woman' she clearly doesn't like making her kid do something completely mundane but that she didn't want to do, and spinning it like it's some atrocity wrought upon her.

It's not. Sometimes kids have to just follow rules or do what they're told.

You've given your superiority complex away there OP. TAs are on around minimum wage. No one's hanging on for that pension.

It’s great advise!
Actually, I home EDUCATE my eldest daughter who at the age of 12 have taken x2 English GCSE’s. She left school after 3 months in reception and didn’t do any formal learning until the beginning of the pandemic.

You’re probably wondering why I don’t with the 4 year old. Reason: I think it’s a good idea for children to experience school, they can’t then wonder if they would like it if they are then home educated.
She is very sociable, she has lots of friends at school and is very intelligent so enjoys that part of the school environment.

I know which way this is heading but I find it terrible that schools can get away with treating children like this.
some parents don’t have the option to home educate, where would this leave them.

basically it seems that too many people are having children because ‘that’s the done thing’ and then count down the 2-4 short years because they can’t wait to get rid of them for someone else to look after (abuse) them.

...and the veil is fully unfurled.

This is normal though, in school kids have to follow the rules. Whether you or she like it or not. Then when they come home they act up, especially for the first little bit

Rolled her eyes at another parent because your child didn't want to put her coat on?! Come on now.

I think it’s possible. I think the OP has made a fair few eyes roll on this thread, she may have the same effect in person.
I think it’s unlikely that the TA actively dislikes the OPs DD. She probably finds her somewhat irritating, but she’s four and still merely a product of her upbringing. Most TAs and teachers understand that when a very young child is a pain in the arse it’s not their fault. The child has had a tricky lockdown, would benefit from being in school full time but only attends half the day for no clear reason, and her mum is a bit barmy. They probably feel pity above any active dislike.

Wind. Up.

Again you are being offensive and ageist. You know nothing about this woman.