Support thread for those hosting Ukrainian refugees.

[UltimateFoole]

I've started this new thread so that this support can continue for anyone hosting Ukrainians under the H4U scheme. Also for those thinking about hosting. And for anyone who has previously hosted and still needs support.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4552566-support-thread-for-those-hosting-refugees-and-advice-for-those-thinking-about-it?reply=122239451&utm_source=sendinblue&utm_campaign=Mumsnet_Watched_Thread_Notification_New_Talk&utm_medium=email

@LaurelGrove I agree with you but there were hundreds of Afghanis leaving Afghanistan and working for us so in grave danger from the Taliban regime in a short space of time. No scheme was offered to them. Or the Syrians. Granted, they've been offered more support than newly transitioned refugees but nothing like this. The fact they got it all so easily does raise expectations though.

This is just Bozzer trying to deflect from the Government shitshow.

Anyway, I digress. Kudos to those who have hosted! You deserve a safe space to vent/get support.

Just seen the news about the new £900 cost of living payments that will go to those on UC. I understand why they get paid out to the claimant, since it's too complicated to work out who is and who isn't being hosted, but I do think there should be more guidance for hosts about the fact their guest is getting this and that they can (and probably should) ask for it to be passed on.

My guest (now ex-guest, as of yesterday!) got the full £650 in the last round, which I wasn't aware of. Because I hadn't asked her contribute anything to bills, she just pocketed this in its entirety whilst I struggled with rising fuel prices and my direct debit getting bigger every month. I think the communication in the first place about whether it was ok to ask for financial contributions for bills etc was poor, but especially so now that these additional payments are being made to people who aren't paying bills and (at least mine) aren't letting on that they've received them!

If I was still hosting I would absolutely be asking for any COL payments being passed on through UC to be passed on to me in full.o

Our guests haven't mentioned the extra money either, but as far as I'm concerned, they are the ones who have had to go through the process of applying for UC, going to the job centre appointments, looking for work etc so that is their money to do with as they please.

I do agree that the point around being able to ask guests for a contribution to costs has not been communicated clearly at all, however, the "thank you" payment is clearly intended to cover costs, as stated on the government page: "We appreciate people’s generosity and do know that there will be costs associated with helping out, and so we are offering an optional ‘thank you’ payment of £350 per month".

I'm not sure why your direct debit has been increasing every month though, I think you need to speak to your supplier about that.
Ours has gone up twice: once when prices went up in October and once due to the increased usage by our guests, which was more than covered by the £350 so really not an issue.

We are hosting a couple with a baby. The dad got an IT job working from home; he showed me his payslip as he didn't understand PAYE and I saw that he is on £55k a year. We live in a low cost area for housing so they could afford a nice rental but they prefer to send money to relatives in Ukraine. Unfortunately my partner told them that can stay until the war is over.

I have seen upthread that some think there is a two-year limit to them staying. I have just checked a photo I took of their Residence Permit - Ukraine Scheme Leave to Remain (work permitted) and it shows Valid Until 31-12-2024.

Again, it's their money, up to them what they want to do with it

I would envisage that if hostilities are still ongoing by the end of 2024, the permits will be extended so I doubt there will be any govt imposed limit on them staying.

I'm not sure what the point is your making but if the arrangement isn't working out, you need to talk to them and tell them they need to find their own place to rent as they obviously have the means.

I have to admit my feelings have changed and our guests are on the face of it lovely.

They are however completely taking advantage of the situation. If I was staying in someone's home rent and bills free and I received £1300 a month universal credit plus then extra payments of £650 and £900 plus I had free travel (area specific I know), plus my DH was still working overseas and sending money, I would have offered something towards the bills with the extra "cost of living" payments. Even if it wasn't all of it.

It just leaves a bad taste. It makes you feel like you're being naive and effectively taken for a ride.

It makes you feel like you're being naive and effectively taken for a ride.

^ that's how I feel at times

To the PP, it doesn't matter what your partner has told them. You can discuss with your partner that this family have benefited from the scheme as intended; safe socialisation into UK life and employment and they are now in a position to fund their own lives. There are still new people in Ukraine looking for a home here so it doesn't have to be the end of hosting if that's what you both want. But this family have reached the goal.

@MoleAtTheCounter Do you know what their relatives situation in Ukraine is? They could have all lost their jobs and/or be elderly and not able to work and really need that money. Just something to consider.

I would probably feel the same in your situation, however I think many Ukrainians may not be aware what these extra payments are for. They just land in their accounts with no explanation or label as far as I know. Unless they are completely aware of the local context and follow the UK news they may have no idea.

How's it going everyone? I'm feeling fatigue after 9 months of hosting. I've given a firm end date to my Ukrainian guests of 1st March. They have 6 weeks from now to find somewhere to live. They always knew moving out was gonna happen but I've surprisingly had to be very blatant and forceful about it.
They have asked for a second host family from our council which I think is well cheeky since they can afford to rent. I've said come 1st March, I will be taking my keys back and I will
be doing that. Ive told them to be prepared to book flights home if they haven't got anywhere sorted or they can go to another country..whatever. I think they will find somewhere but need a kick up their backsides..I've asked them to contact every rental agency in town for appointments and viewings THIS WEEK.

I'm surprised about how forceful and blatant I've had to be but honestly they seem to think they can find somewhere to live tomorrow and we all know it just doesn't happen that quickly or easily..

Now I need to get through the next 6 weeks .

@Crackstone the way you feel is how I felt and is precisely the reason why I've given them formal notice to leave now.

Our guests have now gone. It's been a relief to have the house back to ourselves after 8 months. The last week was pretty awful. They ended up getting split up and one part of the group going to another country and the others moving into temporary emergency housing because they just didn't follow any of the steps the council and I told them would be necessary. Overall I'm glad we did it but I am relieved it is over. We are going to continue to check in on the group remaining in our county but no longer feel responsible for them.

WFT I think you have more than done your bit and if people will not follow the instructions given then that ends up being on them as to the consequences. They are lucky to get emergency housing free of charge of course too.

The cost of living crisis is international news. There is no way anyone isnt aware of it.

We had a catch up meal for family and acquaintances we’ve hosted over the last year on Friday. Everyone is so settled and happy. My niece and husband have moved out the room they had into a house share with others they know, their jobs are great. My cousin has work and more settled accommodation. They’ll really built up new lives. My niece earns more than me now, nice place. My cousin has new qualifications already in construction he’s been doing through work. My aunts friend is considering a masters degree.

The conversation did turn a bit to ‘what’s next’. It’s kind of strange, the new life, career opportunities and living but knowing it’s not settled. My nieces husband has gone from an insular kind of man, quite nationalistic, to someone who actually says he’d like to live here. It’s a bit of a split as to what people want to do. Many are thinking of looking into Europe to settle too. I think Ukraine’s population will take decades to recover, and the birth rate due to the loss of people in their twenties will plummet. It’ll reshape the country completely even if the war is resolved soon.

All fine here. Increasingly looking forward to them moving out though, and getting our space back.

I think you’re right, MumEeeee. A lot of the young people won’t go back if they can find a way to stay. The visa is only three years though. I don’t know if there are ways round that.

Feeling a lot of guilt. My guest knows we will only host for 12 months (extended from 6). It's really more by a margin than I ever intended and she is perfectly able to find accommodation at this point. But she has said a couple of times that it is expensive and mentioned at least two friends whose hosts have said they can stay indefinitely (both these are true!). There is no real reason she couldn't stay beside the fact that I want my spare room back, want to be able to use my kitchen without making polite conversation and not wanting another young person to worry about.

LaurelGrove your reasons are completely valid. It’s not easy having a refugee living with you for a long time. You’ve already provided accommodation for longer than you intended. And you’ve provided your guest with a home while she gets started in the UK. There is no moral obligation to provide indefinite free accommodation for someone who can find this for herself. What other hosts are doing is up to them - it doesn’t affect your decision. Don’t feel guilty!

dont feel guilty, you are an amazing person who has done a huge amount, and given very generously of your time and your home and your financial and emotional resources

@LaurelGrove I totally agree with @Nimbostratus100 and @Cranberrygin . You have done an incredibly hard thing and for far longer than most people. The scheme was set out to provide a stepping stone towards building independent lives and you have been amazing to host for so long.

No longer having the willingness to provide emotional capacity to support is a sufficient reason alone to say no more

Adults are responsible for themselves. You are not responsible for them.

I would also echo that if the 'social contract' of offering to host on the understanding that they are adults who are responsible for themselves (and therefore should pull own weight / get a job) is broken, you can change what you have previously said and rescind offers to stay for the duration of the war or whatever promised.

In terms of being able to stay on beyond three years, anyone wanting to do this should be looking at this now in case there isn't an extension granted. That means applying for other types of visa - education and work being the most likely - but these aren't going to be open to everyone. Looking now, gives chance to work towards one if necessary. I think there will be a change of government before then though, which will probably lead to the government being more willing to just allowing those who want to stay, to stay (but don't be surprised if it's dependent on being in employment given the way things have planned out).

@LaurelGrove Don't feel guilty! I've rescinded from 12 months to 10 because why should my guest get to save £1700 a month from her wages and UC benefit and live with me? It's profiting from my inconvenience and yes, I have every sympathy but my guest can afford to move out and move out FAST. And no, our tax payment need no longer support my guest on the Homes for ukraine scheme if she can well afford to rent!!

We are ok with our guests staying indefinitely-ish but that is because we are not having to compromise our lifestyle in any way- we have another spare room, they are paying us a decent contribution to bills and in fact it’s handy having them around to house sit when we go away.
Nobody should feel bad about not feeling able to do this forever.

Thanks everyone. I don't think the tax payer should be expected to continue to fund people who can support themselves and my guest can do that so for that reason alone I think it is right she moves on. I think she may have found a room to rent locally which would be great - I will chat to her this weekend. I'm certainly not planning to stop supporting her if she needs help, but I need a bit of headspace and room space back. I am dreaming of reclaiming the drawers in her bedroom!

Has anyone seen any messaging about what happens when the three years is up?