Religious friend says my mums in hell!

[Rosiesmydog]

Excuse the rather hysterical subject title! She didn’t actually say she is, only that she may be…
context: my mum died last month. She was 99 and very frail. She had Covid. That’s on the DC but afaic she died of extreme old age.
I met with a very good friend of mine last night. GF is very religious…I’m absolutely not. I don’t believe in the hereafter or god or any other deity. GF knows this but tolerates my ungodliness. GF offered condolences and let me rabbit on about my mum. All well and good…
I spoke about the funeral, how we had a celebrant but had a hymn as my mum did have a little bit of faith and did a lot with the church when I was a kid. However, my mum was often hard work and I jokingly made a throwaway remark about how I used to tell her she’d never go to heaven and she’d end up in hell (all in jest).

last night I got a msg from her, basically saying that if mum hadnt accepted Jesus as lord and saviour then she will be in hell and that I should accept him or I’ll end up there…
really don’t know how to respond to this! Feeling quite upset that GF has judged my mum by her standards and chooses to lecture me about my ungodliness. Seems very unchristian really given the circs.
just looking for some words of wisdom from you folks I guess. I don’t want to break a friendship, she’s always known how I feel about religion but I think she’s crossed a line here and I feel quite conflicted. Im tempted to just ignore and sweep it under the carpet, but it’s blighted what was a good friendship and at a difficult time for me, given my recent loss 😔. I now realise that joking about heaven and hell to a committed Christian is a big no no!

My friend's baby daughter died at five months, and she was telling her sister that she really felt that she would be with her again one day. Her aunt said it could not happen because my friend was not a committed Christian and didn't go to church.
My friend then spoke to the local minister, who said, looking rather uncomfortable, that the aunt was possibly right!
I was telling my mother about this and she said crossly "Well, what sort of God would keep a mother away from her baby?"

*Bible & other religious texts, obviously.

She's an Evangelist and feels obliged to save you. The thinks she's helping you. It's bloody annoying. Depending on how much you like her, ditch her or let it flow over you. She wont change.

Is this a real thread or is it yet another Christian bashing thread? OP knows that she is not unreasonable yet feels the urge to post her so called friend’s response and there’s a big pile from lots of posters suggesting that she tells her Christian friend to get lost. So predictable. If this is real, yes your friend was wrong, most Christians wouldn’t do this as the OP knows but hey let’s have a go at them, they’re an easy target and they won’t threaten to murder you for disrespecting their beliefs.

So sorry you had to listen to this op. Like people have already said, this is not a friend- whether she felt she was saying it from a good place or not. I am tolerant of others having a faith, as long as they don't thrust it down my throat. I ended a friendship with someone who constantly wanted to covert me to her type of faith- she was otherwise a nice person, but it became too much.

There’s around 4000 religions in the world. The chances of your ‘friend’ being correct are very slim. However if she is correct she can pass any messages on when she dies herself as with her attitude she will be going to hell.

I am sorry about you DM, it is heartbreaking at any age to lose your mother

She is being true to her faith and wants to save you. That is the act of a loving friend with a different perspective from you. From her position of belief, the past is the past and anyone who is still alive can be saved and she cared enough to try to use this to guide you. Look at the motivation, rather than interpreting how it would sound if someone without faith said you were going to hell.

If you are an atheist just ignore her.

IME there are plenty of people out there who would do what this woman did. And if people are "having a go" at her there quite fucking right to.

Condolences, OP.
Please, stay away from this friend. Knowingly or not, she behaves like a lot of indoctrinated people who prey on the bereaved, trying to convert them by scaring them that their loved ones suffer various punishments in hell or purgatory. This is total BS, such things simply don't exist. I was raised Catholic and I was targeted by such people after my mother died, when I was at most vulnerable. Fear of hell is just another suffering that these people love to add on top of your bereavement pain. You don't need to argue, ask questions, defend yourself or entertain any kind of conversation about these disgusting religious fictions. At all. For your mental sanity.

Why do these people think that they should try to foist their clap trap on others who clearly want none of it?

She's not a real friend, what a dreadful thing to say, I'm sure a true Christian wouldn't dream of saying such a thing to a recently bereaved person, ( and I am in no way religious). Sorry for the loss of your DM 💐

I jut want to explain your friends mindset…she is brainwashed. She truly believes with every fibre of her being what she is saying and she is terribly afraid for you.

It is a very black and white mentality that has ‘submitted’ to a theology that is perpetuated to control its followers through fear.

She will not understand how hurtful a position she has taken because she thinks it’s true and everyone is mistaken.

I do think she is being mean but she is also deluded. Like a conspiracy theorist, I am not sure what the best way to engage with this.

Oh give it a rest. This is about OP's friend. That's like saying it's bashing because OP's friend is a woman.

Whatever you believe, it's totally not on to act this way to someone who has just lost a parent. OP's friend should not be pushing her beliefs onto OP in this situation. Or any really. And that's only an insult to Christians if you believe that is something that all Christians do.

She can fuck right off, along with all other religious people as far as I’m concerned. These people cannot be saved from their cults so just walk away from the friendship.

AmadeustheAlpaca · Today 12:02
Is this a real thread or is it yet another Christian bashing thread? OP knows that she is not unreasonable yet feels the urge to post her so called friend’s response and there’s a big pile from lots of posters suggesting that she tells her Christian friend to get lost. So predictable. If this is real, yes your friend was wrong, most Christians wouldn’t do this as the OP knows but hey let’s have a go at them, they’re an easy target and they won’t threaten to murder you for disrespecting their beliefs.“

ODFOD

the “friend” can tell a grieving daughter that her mother’s in hell and she will be too if she doesn’t change her ways but all you can say is people are bashing and having a go at the friend?

The friend deserves no less, evil bitch.

Perfect. I'd say the same, and I'm a practising Christian. That is a hideous, spiteful and ignorant thing to say.

I'd send a message back saying 'Lucky I don't believe in hell then!'

That's not your friend. She's also as much of a Christian as she seems to think she is. I'd be tempted to message her back and inform her that she's the one more likely to end up in the bad fire because of her shitty behaviour.

I think I would be messaging back something like "well that was a very unchristian comment you made about my mum" and see what she comes back with.

The problem (or one problem) with bible-bashers is that they belive their own souls are in jeopardy if they don't do their “Christian duty” of trying to convert everyone they know.
Just nod and smile or when it gets too much, say "You're wasting your breath so can we talk about something else please”.

What about the just shall live by faith alone or whatever the verse is?

I remember being told off at communion lessons for not attending church the previous Sunday due to a family event. I was 11 at the time and may not have been entirely convinced that my place in heaven had been defaulted because I went to Aunty Maud's Birthday.

I'm sorry about your Mum - just fuck off as a response works fine for me.

Wow. I do have to say that this thread has put me off encouraging my son's interest in religion a bit.....

Your friend has read the bible, as I have many times now, and the bible pretty much says again and again accept Jesus as your savour and you'll go to heaven.

Your friend has been brainwashed by the bible and is reaching out to you in a kak handed way and trying to 'save' you. The bible also says bring people to me (god/Jesus) so again she's trying to do right.

Forgive her. She does mean well. She doesn't know any better.

My brother took his own life 10 years ago and I wrestled with the hell thing. After watching a zillion near death experience testimonies on YouTube. I concluded that our lives go on, we have many many lives. The after life is full of love peace joy perfection, this earth existence is a 'school of hard knocks'. We come here for an experience, our soul develops quickly here but it's often traumatic. When we return to our home, where we are all connected, we are healed and move on to our next experience.

There are hellish experiences, but they are temporary, No one stays in a hell state forever. They are in line with your major sins. Most people living average lives won't have one. People smugglers, wife beaters, county line enforcers, those nasty types might get a dose. But after watching a zillion near death experiences, hell experiences seem rare.

Average people who mean well, maybe do small time sinning like gossiping, judging, the odd lie here and there etc etc including those non believers. That's not enough for a hell experience. The hell experience is for those who knowingly harm others. We have freedom of choice here and if people actively choose to hurt others, they don't get there karma here but they get a whacking great dose afterwards. Sometimes rather than hell, they just experience the pain from the victims side, and that's usually enough for them to get the lesson.

Heaven is actually our normal state and our home. We forget it when we come here as we need to focus on our goals and efforts, we're here for a reason, we can't be distracted by home.

Just my opinion after many years of hyperfocusing after the death of my brother. Many will disagree with what I say here. And that's how it's designed! We're not supposed to know the truth here. In the bible where Jesus talks in riddles and says some will hear my truth but many won't. It all depends on your evolution as to whether you can hear and accept the truth or not. Those who can't hear it or won't accept it have things they need to do before they evolve to that understanding. We're all perfect, life is perfect. Even the really bad things in life play their part.

Your mum is in a fabulous place now, you should be really happy for her. 🙏 forgive your friend, she means well. Maybe steer clear of her while you're healing or steer her away from
Talking about your mum.

If I was into ‘Christian bashing’ would I really claim a good friendship with a committed Christian?

I am a Christian (Roman Catholic) although I'm sure this "friend" would class me as not a very good one. I would never say this to anyone and I think it is completely unchristian to do so. More importantly, I don't even think/ believe it - how on earth would we have any right to say who was in heaven and hell? I am a flawed person, just like everyone else, and wouldn't for the life of me think that I know God's wishes.

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother and everything you have been through recently.

My personal approach - and obviously it's totally up to you - would be to forgive her, but probably (unless you really value her friendship) phase her out as a friend. You sound like a great person, and I think you deserve better.