To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

[yuletidey]

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

I say this as someone who grew up in a very large family, some people don’t look beyond babies. They don’t think what they are going to cost 5/10/15 years down the line.

I have a clever well educated friend who has 6 children. She kept telling me how cheap a new baby was, she had all the stuff, she breastfed.
They’re all teenagers now and she does is complain about the cost, how they can’t afford to go away, can’t afford school trips, her lack of free time. Thing is I told her what is was like in my family and we were friends when I was a teenager so she knew what it was like for me. Blinded by the need to have babies.
This has been compounded by her being married to someone totally useless and still being surprised with each child he was so.

Totally agree, why can't one of the ten Dads buy their child a present. It's definitely not your charity's problem.

Spot on @Freddosforall

Some awful ignorant attitudes here. It’s like the Daily Mail comments section

Large families experiencing financial difficulties aren’t one homogeneous group with labelled characteristics.

Yet posters have decided based on no information that this woman is not worthy of charity, she’s been demonised and sweeping assumptions made.
The very definition of prejudice.

Id love to hear your opinion op on who you think deserves charity and who should be penalised for making bad life choices?

I agree OP but I think no one should be having that many kids even if they can afford it, the impact in the environment is huge and I don’t believe the children benefit from living in a household with so many others fighting for attention.

I do know several large families who can afford it but does that still make it ok?

The women demanding toys for her ten kids sounds entitled, charities are there to help people but they can’t help anyone, she should be grateful that in previous years they have helped. Why keep having children when you know you can’t afford them? If she has children as young as 1 and has been getting help from the charity for years then she knows she can’t afford more kids.

Theoretically, you're right. But as pps have said, you don't know her circumstances, background, mental and physical health etc.

It's a bit pointless telling anyone they "shouldn't have so many kids then" when the kids are already here.

We have two and that's our limit as we can't afford a bigger house here and if we had more DCs, I'd probably end up giving up work to look after them as I did for the first few years with my first two. We could afford it but it wouldn't be comfortable. But that's easy to make that decision when you're from a fairly privileged background and are generally well, emotionally and mentally.

She sounds rude as fuck though. I would make a zero tolerance policy on not tolerating abuse towards staff and advertise it like they have to do in doctors and post offices. Sad fact of life but you will get people behaving like that everywhere and especially when you're providing a public or charitable service

I think babies are the most energy sapping part of raising children. I think if they just arrived at the door as toddlers I could wrangle a whole tribe of kids without cracking a sweat but the baby bar for entry means three was my upper limit.

If the mum us looking for Christmas presents from a charity how would she provide everything else her children need for the other 11 months if the year? Shoes, coats, school uniform, ( I know a lot can be passed down) toiletries, food. The sheer energy to cook for 10-12 people daily. The time to help with homework, listen to each about their day, their worries…. I can’t see how 10 kids works unless you’re financially very secure ( no need to be mega rich but know your income is sufficient and constant) and you’re prepared to spend a huge chunk if every day planning and caring. I found 2 stretched me to my limits.

I don't understand why so many women have more than 2 children unless, of course, the second turns out to be twins or triplets.

Every day there is a story in the papers or on the news about a family struggling because of the cost of living crisis. Just about every time they have 3 or more children. No wonder they are struggling.

The planet would probably sigh with relief if everyone who has children stopped at 2 and if and when something happens that could not have been predicted the parent or parents are far more likely to be able to cope.

Despite what you absolutely believe in.....sometimes disabilities happen and circumstances change.

What about the men in these scenarios?

Yes and that is why woman should stick with 2. The more children you have the less likely you will cope if something happens like disability, loss of a partner, loss of work etc etc

How ignorant are you...

But what about their fathers?

given the average family has less than 2 children, why are you wasting energy berating a (potentially) mythical women for having lots of children?

Playing devils advocate (although I agree with the comments) we don’t know this persons circumstances. Some of the children might not be hers, possibly some she has taken on from other family members bereavements etc, blended families.

until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, you should not judge.

Well South Korea isn't heaving a sigh of relief as the national fertility rate falls to .84 and spells economic decline, social upheaval and instability. Instead they are expensively scrambling to encourage population growth.

There is currently a profile of a young mum struggling to make ends meet / buy presents on the BBC online Home page.

She is 30.
She has 5 kids.
She is single.

I mean- why?
Where are the fathers of these kids?
Why don't they pay anything towards them?
Why did she have 5 kids when she is only 30 now?

I know relationships break down, but it seems completely irresponsible to keep having kids when you can't afford them as your earning power is limited anyway.

I believe you shouldn't have more kids than you have bedrooms for, personally

So I disagree with @MamaFirst - I think it's a 'right' for a child to have their own bedroom, not some sort of extravagance.

I saw something on FB today, a BBC news piece about a mother of 5 who was struggling to make ends meet. She was saying she's a single mum and has been since 17, she doesn't know how she's going to get them anything for Christmas.

My first thought was, if you were a single mum at 17 why did you go on to have another 4 children that you obviously cant support. You found yourself up the creek without the paddle with the first and you chose to do it another 4 times. Maybe im being too harsh but there are so many people around nowadays that dont take responsibility for their own lives and expect everyone else to pick up the pieces.

I don’t understand why women have more than 2 children

Eh?
Over 9 pages posters have explained some of the complex reasons behind this; socioeconomic background, lack of opportunities, childhood neglect, learning difficulties, complicated mental health issues, addiction, abuse, past trauma or a cycle of generational poverty, lack of education to name a few.

Children benefit from charities like this. They didn’t ask to be here and they should not be punished for their parent’s choices.

Do you think the BBC might have gone for this story for a reason? Do you think this was the story you found publicised on Facebook for a reason?

The extra bonus of moral outrage with your morning breakfast is a palatable dish that draws a wider audience.

I think everyone has a right to have a family if circumstances allow in terms of being able to have or adopt children. Having two children when you can't afford it is understandable and I think society should help people in that position. But having a large number of children when you can't afford it is just irresponsible. We are not living in a developing country or a previous century with no access to reliable contraception. Once you've had two children I think you absolutely should think long and hard about whether you can afford to support any more. And even if you think you can from a financial point of view, I can't help but feel that the more children you have, the less time and attention you can devote to each one. Having a tenth child is not putting the needs of your other nine children first, whichever way you look at it.

My DH was 7 months old when his dad died of cancer. His dad was just 26 years old. All of a sudden the life his mum had planned went out the window and she was left a single parent who would have struggled if not for extended family including both sets of grandparents. People can be victims of circumstances outside of their control.

Obviously this is all our fault and we should hand over all our earnings - that we have despite all our own issues.

Bang on 😂

Much like the faux innocent op, all wide eyed.. Im not judgemental but…this happened

Its depressingly predictable!