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Original poster

To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

479 replies

yuletidey · 13/12/2022 04:50

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

OP posts:
Justthisonce12 · 13/12/2022 20:34

name78change · 13/12/2022 20:31

@Justthisonce12 presumably you had only one embryo implanted with those strong views?

I didn’t know I had a twat of a husband until that point he never really came back from that comment.

palygold · 13/12/2022 20:35

Of course.

SmileyClare · 13/12/2022 20:49

@Justthisonce12 it sounds like a messy situation and dysfunctional relationship.
This is an example of why counselling is strongly recommended by NICE before starting the IVF process.

I hope he has supported the children he chose to produce. ☹️

Justthisonce12 · 13/12/2022 20:56

SmileyClare · 13/12/2022 20:49

@Justthisonce12 it sounds like a messy situation and dysfunctional relationship.
This is an example of why counselling is strongly recommended by NICE before starting the IVF process.

I hope he has supported the children he chose to produce. ☹️

We had extensive counselling before Ivf. It’s absolutely not optional but what people will say one-day and do the next is often very different plus of course in the privacy of your own home.

But again, that was not to the point of my post. I can’t actually remember the name of the Twins charity, but aborting, because it’s twins, was not unheard of, and they certainly didn’t sound shocked or horrified.

And, yes, he supports the children he already had.

Justthisonce12 · 13/12/2022 20:57

Tamba that was it. I certainly wasn’t the first person to mention it.

name78change · 13/12/2022 20:59

But again, that was not to the point of my post. I can’t actually remember the name of the Twins charity, but aborting, because it’s twins, was not unheard of, and they certainly didn’t sound shocked or horrified.

I don't doubt that for a second, it's not the twin thing that's surprising specifically, it's the IVF element, especially as twins are a known possibility. IVF doesn't seem a very sensible option if twins would be that traumatic for a person.

Justthisonce12 · 13/12/2022 21:00

name78change · 13/12/2022 20:59

But again, that was not to the point of my post. I can’t actually remember the name of the Twins charity, but aborting, because it’s twins, was not unheard of, and they certainly didn’t sound shocked or horrified.

I don't doubt that for a second, it's not the twin thing that's surprising specifically, it's the IVF element, especially as twins are a known possibility. IVF doesn't seem a very sensible option if twins would be that traumatic for a person.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

name78change · 13/12/2022 21:05

@Justthisonce12 sorry when is the hindsight coming into play, in the 2 week period between implantation and results? (Not meaning that in an obtuse or rude way, I'm just struggling to understand the point in which twins became at absolute no in a predetermined process)

Justthisonce12 · 13/12/2022 21:27

name78change · 13/12/2022 21:05

@Justthisonce12 sorry when is the hindsight coming into play, in the 2 week period between implantation and results? (Not meaning that in an obtuse or rude way, I'm just struggling to understand the point in which twins became at absolute no in a predetermined process)

No I’m sure it was in his mind the whole time, but I don’t think he actually expected the Ivf to work and that was probably what he was banking on, who fucking knows what was going on in his head to be honest. This was the same person that told my 18-year-old he was surprised I went ahead with the pregnancy, i.e. her.

name78change · 13/12/2022 21:29

@Justthisonce12 right I'm with you, so sorry you went though that.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 13/12/2022 21:31

Mellymoon · 13/12/2022 06:51

I don’t know why I think this but instinct is she was probably looking to sell the toys for drugs and probably didn’t even have as many kids.

Probably because you are a judgemental person who always thinks the worst of other people?

FortSalem86 · 13/12/2022 23:35

Justthisonce12 · 13/12/2022 20:29

It comes down to personal responsibility doesn’t it? I went in for one I paid for 1, 2 would’ve been too much for him and i couldn’t do it alone. Not sure which part of “what the fuck” you think applies to that situation. As I say, you have a responsibility to the children that you already have to not fuck their lives up completely.

Show quote history

"I went in for one paid for one".

I don't think you should done IVF with those views. Urgh.

Justthisonce12 · 14/12/2022 04:03

FortSalem86 · 13/12/2022 23:35

"I went in for one paid for one".

I don't think you should done IVF with those views. Urgh.

Show quote history

Luck you dont get any say in what other people do with their lives then isnt it 🙄

Lily7050 · 14/12/2022 20:51

16 year old "child" can work and earn money.
That rude woman could be very fertile or not able to use contraception due to religious reasons.
Some women feel they do society a favour by producing more future workers.
Whatever was her reason to produce her herd she cannot expect her children are entitled to free toys.

LaLuz7 · 14/12/2022 21:28

Lily7050 · 14/12/2022 20:51

16 year old "child" can work and earn money.
That rude woman could be very fertile or not able to use contraception due to religious reasons.
Some women feel they do society a favour by producing more future workers.
Whatever was her reason to produce her herd she cannot expect her children are entitled to free toys.

Oh, so a 16 year old CHILD (cause that's what they are legally) should be held accountable for earning their own money, but the grown ass woman can't be held accountable for her reproductive choices? The double freaking standards here... lord...

Her religion might prevent her from using contraception? Guess what, no religion prohibits abstinence...

SueVineer · 14/12/2022 21:35

Some people are just entitled though. I came from a poor area - I got out but plenty didn’t. But a big part of that for some was they expected someone else to house them, feed them and provide for their families. I never did.

it’s not the whole reason but it is one of them.

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/12/2022 21:53

I very much doubt she had 10 children. She might've had a few children, but she might have thought she could sell on any toys that were given to her.

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 14/12/2022 22:03

LaLuz7 · 14/12/2022 21:28

Oh, so a 16 year old CHILD (cause that's what they are legally) should be held accountable for earning their own money, but the grown ass woman can't be held accountable for her reproductive choices? The double freaking standards here... lord...

Her religion might prevent her from using contraception? Guess what, no religion prohibits abstinence...

Show quote history

A lot of religions prohibit denying sex to a spouse.

MissTrip82 · 14/12/2022 22:09

I wish people thought before posting this shit. It’s just constant.

Not only have you broken the trust the charity and its beneficiaries have placed in you, but you’ve done so in a way designed to decrease public confidence in these charities and therefore decrease donations.

What an absolutely disgusting thing to do.

Redbone · 14/12/2022 22:38

I do agree with you OP. I also think that many of the mothers with large broods of children that they can ill afford are poorly educated and come from similar backgrounds.

Penguinsaregreat · 14/12/2022 22:45

Rude, entitled woman.
There is no excuse in 2022 to have that many children and then blame strangers as to why you can’t afford to give them toys at Christmas.

Siwa · 14/12/2022 22:46

Does she actually have 10 kids or is she trying to double up on gifts for 5 kids? 😆

MoreSleepPleasee · 14/12/2022 22:57

She very likely did not have all those kids which is why she could not get referred through the proper channel. I was very naive when I started my job and some people are genuine but plenty are not.

mamabear715 · 15/12/2022 00:22

What a smug thread.

Hawkins001 · 15/12/2022 00:41

mamabear715 · 15/12/2022 00:22

What a smug thread.

Why is it

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