To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

[yuletidey]

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

Although I recognise that financial circumstances and quite rapidly in current times, I do agree with you op. I cannot imagine most people being able to afford 10 kids.

I have 2 and I've always said no more. We couldn't afford more. It's everything - clothes, shoes, school uniform, school trips, feeding them and yes Christmas.

people are in really piss poor situations through no fault of their own but some people need to know their limits.

I know someone, she had a baby and was given a 2 bed council house, which was great but she chose to have 4 more kids a short time and then kicked up to get a bigger house. Why have so many kids with no room then demand bigger? She also cried poverty all the time.

It's hard. I had an unstable upbringing due to unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances. The desire to have my own child was so strong and I'm not even that into children (although I love being a mum), I wanted a 'family' and some stability- I wasn't conspicuous of this at the time. I realise now this is why I had my child at 21 instead of waiting until I had the resources.

I'm 25 now, still 1 dc, still with partner, we both have stable careers that will provide well in the future, and a nice-ish house. The difference is my parents were educated (though had financial and mh difficulties), and although I had a strained relationship with them both (and my father wasn't really around at all), they had an aspirational outlook which obviously influenced me, they wanted me to do well and would nurture the educational side of things. I also graduated before I had dc which gave me more options. Once I had my dc, I wanted the best for him and to give him the best chance, so therefore we're not having any more children until we have the financial means and our careers are rock solid. I'd like 2 more children, and dp and I are building towards it. If I didn't have that influence of my parents (one of the positives), then I think I'd have been the type to have 5 children in 5 years (and probably as a teen) to satisfy my craving for 'family' and to be around people that I love, and provide love. Look at the Radfords, although I think they went a bit ridiculous, I understand the pain that drove them to having so many kids. I do question people's choices when they have so many kids they can't afford, but I try to also question whether they have the tools/emotional stability/family support to make the correct decisions too. It's best to steer away from judgement.

I do think the way she spoke to the poor young girl was unacceptable though. The 10 kids thing wouldn't make me bat an eyelid really.

Blossomtoes · Today 12:27
it sure does, I can assure you off these huge families you see. There will be at least one child amongst the brood that has some sort of disability. So there is no benefit cap. A good money spinner, some of these families are getting thousands a year. My daughter has autism, I stopped after her.

Also having additional needs does not have any bearing on intelligence. In fact many neurodiverse people are amongst the brightest in society. Conversely, those with learning difficulties can't suddenly be fine by having the alphabet drilled into them aged 3 before school. 🙄

Your comment is utterly offensive and shows you know nothing. Do share your evidence with us all the backs up your ridiculous assertions.

YANBU

I come from a family of 7. My dps went on having children because it allowed my df to show what a 'big man' he was, and because he liked the family allowance (predecessor of Child Benefit). He tried to persuade dm to have yet another child at 45 so he could give up work and live off the family allowance. Thankfully she refused. Even so, it was no fun.

I'm glad the govt has limited CB to two births. At least it stops that sort of deliberate profiteering & exploitation.

Agree- in my opinion, we can afford 2 kids and Husband has a good job and I work 4 days a week. If we had anymore, it would push us with all the extras - Christmas, holidays, school trips, days out. I want my kids to have all the opportunities and not be stretched to the limit. I will never understand having 10 kids and being unable to afford them - unless ofcourse circumstances have suddenly changed for this family.

And what will happen if one of your children becomes disabled, you can't work and your partner leaves you? Easy to be all smug when life is kind to you.

Child benefit is not limited to two children.

One of my DC is disabled. What’s your point? I don’t “work” in the physical sense anyway; we have 2 businesses which give us a very comfortable and privileged life without requiring day to day work from us. If my husband left me I would still have independent wealth so yes, I could still get them Christmas presents!

Completely agree, there's alot of people out there who takes advantage, I know of a pensioner who even though they don't need to, visit food banks every week and give most away to family who again all work and don't need it. I just thought food banks were for people in need.

Her circumstances could of changed drastically. She could of afford her ten but lost job or a relationship break down etc etc. multiple pregnancies, contraception fails, circumstances changes drastically
I love your positive thinking but not one of the case that I hold that have 6 or more children had any of those things. They all have had multiple partners and made active choices to have lots of children. When I did a home visit to a woman with her 7th child and the baby was 3 months old two weeks ago she told me that she was nearly done with babies , maybe one more! This is a family that is open to children's social care and she is not unusual but typical of my cases. She is a lovely lady and she is not stupid. She has never had a job and neither had her current partner.
I can't judge, but just to do the best I can for the children and encourage her to as well.

We would love to have 67 kids but we have 2 as we know it costs money

Surely nobody is so stupid as to think you can turn a profit on having a child at £15/ week?

@YomAsalYomBasal

'Child benefit is not limited to two children'

Sorry, UC. My mistake.

Might it be that their circumstances have changed, OP? A change in fortunes through death, unemployment, bankruptcy, that sort of thing.

Just a thought.

There's always one on these threads!

@BabyFour2023 my point is you just don't know what life will bring. Having children in secure, stable circumstances is no guarantee that you won't ever need help.

It’s because she will be getting hand outs left right and center. Her mentality will be one of why should I pay when someone else will. She had a choice with each kid and chose to make the wrong one because it’s an easy ride when the tax payer can bail you out. These people have an easy ride in the uk.

Oh believe me, they're out there. We would have starved without family allowance.

And in the 70s domestic rates (council tax) were discounted for people with lots of children, which made us an even more attractive 'product'.

Ohhh God you have to be in denial to believe this 10 kids? Do you actually have any family members with 7 kids in one household?

I do. There's numerous issues and all I will say is that the mother loves her kids unconditionally, she has looked after them but there's something not quite right with my aunt and I think she is utterly selfish. Her eldest is 34 and the youngest is 8 it's f..King ridiculous 🙄

It was always the case that people were having children for more benefit. That’s a tale as old as time.

In theory you can’t do that nowadays but you can if have children with health conditions that can’t be physiologically confirmed.

Same with grown up benefits. It’s a real shame as it trivialises conditions for people who are really suffering.

"Ohhh God you have to be in denial to believe this 10 kids? Do you actually have any family members with 7 kids in one household?"

"I do. There's numerous issues and all I will say is that the mother loves her kids unconditionally, she has looked after them but there's something not quite right with my aunt and I think she is utterly selfish. Her eldest is 34 and the youngest is 8 it's f..King ridiculous 🙄"

What an excitable post, if a little difficult to follow! And I have no comment to make on your/that family situation.

I stand by my previous statement. Circumstances do change for many reasons - I've listed some examples in my previous post. It won't always be the case, of course, but worth bearing in mind.

Now come-on...fake charities and mythical customers with ten fantasy children aside -

She had a choice with each kid and chose to make the wrong one because it’s an easy ride when the tax payer can bail you out. These people have an easy ride in the uk

Easy ride with ten kids??? The thought of laundry alone would make most people weep. An easy ride is a House of Lords peerage or a natural talent for counting cards.

It's just that easy to get benefits for disabled people...

@Underanothersky

My own anecdotal experience is MIL who has been on disability benefit for the past 30 years and has nothing wrong with her. She will outlive me. She’s cost the NHS so much money.

She even suggested I start the investigational process for my own (agreed very naughty but completely NT, 3 year old) because ‘DLA is not means tested’.

I have no idea if that’s right but she can’t be the only one.