To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

[yuletidey]

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

There's a very high likelihood this woman grew up in a similarly feckless and irresponsible environment. To most, her life would seem chaotic whereas to her, it's simply her normal, familiar life. She has never known anything else.

And now she's raising 10 children in just the same way. And so the feckless behaviour is reinforced and perpetuated. Twas ever thus.

I think the fact remains that a few manners from the woman wouldn't have gone amiss.

But again, this woman likely won't have been raised in an environment where good manners were expected or taught.

You would have struggled so much more though with 3, 4, 5 or more children wouldn't you?

Yes, as already stated several times, life can change which is why it is much much more sensible to stick with 2 children.

Poor people don’t have manners apparently 🙄

@palygold of course circumstances can change without warning,
that's the point! Death, disability, disease, unemployment, divorce - they can happen to any one of us at any time. That's why it's wise to keep a comfortable margin between your family and the cliff edge. Very few if us earn enough to do this with more than a child or two.

Does the woman concerned have ten kids, or ten kids (her own, nephews, nieces for example) to get presents for?

Oh come on.

There is a HUGE difference between suddenly not being able to afford your two or even three kids, and choosing to have ten kids.

Your circumstances are completely understandable, and I don't think many people would be making the same criticisms of you.
This ⬆️
There will always be unforeseen circumstances - death, divorce etc, but there is a world of difference seeing having children as a career choice to be funded by others, and the learned helplessness that often accompanies such choices

I mean she was very rude regardless of her choices re kids and OP is right to be upset.

It’s the season for innocent people to get shouted at by stressed shoppers it seems.

Exactly, it's clearly hit a nerve with some and now they are on the defence! Even 4 kids is expensive never mind 10 ffs.

I agree
My second pregnancy was twins. I was in two minds about aborting. What do you think i should have done? What do you think i did?

I had ivf and got twins, i called the twin charity when i found out and considering and actually aborting two is not unusual. DH would have left if we’d got 2.

@Treadlightlyly that's not the same thing though and someone covered this upthread.

I had ivf and got twins, i called the twin charity when i found out and considering and actually aborting two is not unusual. DH would have left if we’d got 2.

Surely it's well known twins are more likely when going through IVF? That is an extreme reaction on his behalf considering the lengths you've needed to go through for 1.

@Justthisonce12 oh your husband is terrible and if he can actually voice leaving you if you were to have twins..... that is the least of your worries (The possibility of having twins that is). I'd be very wary of what he is capable of tbh!

I had ivf and got twins. .. actually aborting 2 is not unusual. Dh would have left if we got 2

Its not entirely clear but it sounds as though you aborted your ivf pregnancy because your husband threatened to leave you?

😳

I mean how many twin pregnancies would he be prepared to terminate until he got his chosen one baby?
Even one fertilised egg can divide into identical twins.
I’m floored by his flippant attitude

The more you give people the more they never stand on their own two feet.
If they need presents for 10 kids think what else they are trying to get aswell from people.

We ended up with one, but i would have aborted twins definitely. I had a responsibility to the other children. And then i would have divorced him - and infact did anyway, but back to the point, the twins charity said it wasn’t an uncommon reaction.

Do you apply that ignorant statement to all forms of charity?
What an unpleasant attitude and a sweeping generalisation. A lot of people feel very ashamed to rely on a hand out.

Clearly you’ve never have the misfortune to be in need of support. And you vote Tory.

@Justthisonce12 you'd have aborted twins you conceived via IVF....wtf?

It comes down to personal responsibility doesn’t it? I went in for one I paid for 1, 2 would’ve been too much for him and i couldn’t do it alone. Not sure which part of “what the fuck” you think applies to that situation. As I say, you have a responsibility to the children that you already have to not fuck their lives up completely.

@Justthisonce12 presumably you had only one embryo implanted with those strong views?

I went in for one I paid for 1, 2 would’ve been too much for him and i couldn’t do it alone.

Paid for one? Seriously?

Yes seriously