To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

[yuletidey]

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

Lack of toys are the least of our problems... Why do so many people have children when they are not prepared to get involved with their intellectual development? Kids are going to school without even knowing their ABCs or basic number sense and I dread to think of the literacy figures for the next generation.

Kids start school at 4 in the UK which is already very young. Based on all the research on child development, at that age they should be focusing on play, not on learning ABCs etc.

Of course parents may need to support with homework etc when older though. Saying that I got straight As and never had any help at home at all.

How are these now used as an excuse?

We now understand better the impact of trauma on a persons ability to plan and make rational decisions, we understand how neglect can utterly undermine someone’s ability to make healthy decisions for themselves, we understand how learning difficulties can compromise someone’s ability to manage contraception or indeed to enter an equal relationship with another. Simply put we understand better the life long impact of poverty, adversity and trauma. Or some of us do.

It’s easy to have ten kids if you don’t do anything for them 🤷‍♀️

Based on all the research on child development, at that age they should be focusing on play, not on learning ABCs etc. Please point me to this research @TheHappyDaze.

In fact it is well-known that there are critical periods when a young child requires appropriate stimulation for the brain to establish the neural pathways for optimum development in language and literacy (and many other subjects). Furthermore, many of these critical periods are over or waning by the time a child is six years old, so reversing poor development is difficult after this age

@TheHappyDaze absolutely agree. The kids are under far too much pressure to get results.

Some people need to give their head a wobble your child is either bright, average or has other excellent qualities about them. There's only so much you can teach a person and pushing kids under 4 is not the way!!

So they were supposed to factor a pandemic into their parenting desicions?

@TERRRYsnotmine Again, not true. There have been several studies proving that even "special needs" children can surpass those of normal intelligence if given the right stimulation.
All this "just let them play" nonsense has led to a whole generation of language and mathematical illiteracy.

This is bizarre to me, very much a first-world requirement. Siblings share rooms all the time up through the teen years, tho it would be very prudent to have a single-sex division

All this "just let them play" nonsense has led to a whole generation of language and mathematical illiteracy

Every generation has been left to play until recently. Mine certainly was yet we’ve managed to turn out perfectly literate and numerate.

Some women are addicted to babies. I had a neighbour with 9 kids, she just loved babies, but from school age onwards she lost interest and they were left to fend for themselves with the elder girls acting as ‘mum’ to the younger ones.
Interestingly, not one of them had more than two children each.

Bullshit I'm 32 and it never did me any harm. I don't want to offend anybody with special needs or if they have a child with SEN.

But there's reasons why there's boards on here stating other wise! Have a little read.

Children have a lot more devices nowadays and I actually think the fact that we had LESS fancy gadgets taught us MORE!

You can't force intelligence it's something that comes naturally, I believe in learning to a point of course.... but pushing all this work before school age is ridiculous.

Nurseries do a lot of meeting targets.... for kids. The generation before this did not have this and they are doing perfectly fine just like those without a degree are doing fine in life too!

Have to agree OP

Family member only has one, trying to pay mortgage, childcare etc. I know she would love another

People need to take some responsibility

We're in full entitlement mode in almost every area of our society now.

Imagine how entitled her children could end up being?

Firstly presents at Christmas aren't even necessary.

Not all teens are unhappy sharing.

Oddly the richest family I know had 2 sons sharing a room until the youngest was 17 and the eldest moved out.

Though the room wasn't a standard bedroom.

Point is you can't make blanket statements as there are exceptions.

Come on! You have to very very irresponsible to have 10 children knowing you don't have not even 2 pennies to buy them a candy cane each for Christmas.

Entitled, irresponsible woman she is!

That's the secret recipe of these huge families. Use the eldest ones as free childcare and domestic labour by putting them in charge of effectively raising the younger siblings.

Which is parentification.

Which is child abuse.

Totally agree OP. Thought the same when I read this about a single mum with 5 children complaining she can’t buy them presents:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-63910732

She had her first at 17. You would think someone would have explained to her how much children cost to raise and pointed her in the direction of long-term contraceptives before the next 4 came along.

NHS and education is in crisis, and there are people producing children they can’t afford that will be supported by taxpayers money & they still moan it’s not enough. Take some responsibility for yourselves!

Exactly. Her circumstances could of changed drastically. She could of afford her ten but lost job or a relationship break down etc etc. multiple pregnancies, contraception fails, circumstances changes drastically. I hope the ten kids have a nice Christmas and someone helps the woman do that for me. Life is hard and pp said she can’t suck them all back in.

You can't force intelligence it's something that comes naturally, I believe in learning to a point of course.... but pushing all this work before school age is ridiculous.

@TERRRYsnotmine I'm not talking about intelligence, I'm talking about intellectual development.
We only use something like 10% of our brain's potential, so there is no need for anyone in our "advanced" society to be illiterate or innumerate.
Yet plenty of people (including at the highest levels of government) can't carry out basic dialogue and innumeracy is so rife it has become an acceptable joke.

I know I’ll get flamed for this but I’ll say it anyway. I can assure you the majority of people having large families where I stay do it for more benefits, bigger houses. If they have a child that they are claiming some sort of disability benefit for there is no cap. Normally a child with adhd. Some do alright for themselves. I’m in Scotland so there is a new benefit. The more kids you have the more child payment you get. 6 kids, 600 quid extra a month! Bingo. Oh and before anything accuses me of speaking about disabilities, my daughters autistic snd I only have two kids.

@TERRRYsnotmine Also teaching your child the alphabet or number sense shouldn't be "work"... it's a fun and bonding exercise for children and parents.
Far more important to give them this than a lego set or some device.

I can assure you the majority of people having large families where I stay do it for more benefits

it doesn’t happen this side of the border because benefits are capped at two children.

While I believe it is quite ridiculous to keep having children frankly whether you can afford them or not, I also don't think this population is in any place to complain about childten being born to anyone considering the birthrate is extremely low and this is going to cause issues in the near future. I say this as someone with no children.

Yes have to agree

She complained about buying clothes in charity shops but so do a lot of people

She didn't need to have 5 dc when she appears to have no prospects