To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

[yuletidey]

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

My dd and sil would absolutely love another baby but cost of living crisis means their mortgage now gone up over £350 per month so can't afford another child. In a couple of years when mortgage rates come down my dd thinks she will be too old. Responsible parents lit children to number they can afford.

So I disagree with @MamaFirst - I think it's a 'right' for a child to have their own bedroom, not some sort of extravagance.

I don’t think you understand what a right is - a child having their own bedroom isn’t a right in the way access to food and clean water is, the way having shelter is, the way having an education is. It’s a nice to have, but hardly a right.

YANBU , but having read some of the posts I must say I’m surprised as I would have thought that the charities that give presents only give 1 or maybe 2 per child not loads for each child . I’ve never really given it much thought before .

I totally agree. I had to have a termination because we just couldn’t afford a third child, l have always worked and so has my husband. I look at my friend who had a child at 16, a council house and benefits,( she later bough her house, much reduced) and think things are a bit unfair.

I've got 4, we have both worked since they were born to ensure they have everything they need and even then they don't get everything they want. Really grinds my gears when parents like this blame everyone but themselves for their predicament! Keep your legs crossed, use free contraception or save a bit out of your benefits each month to pay for your own offspring 😡

Right or not...

Teens need and deserve privacy. It's shitty parenting to make them share, unless maybe they are very close in age and the same gender.

This

Really grinds my gears when parents like this blame everyone but themselves for their predicament! Keep your legs crossed, use free contraception or save a bit out of your benefits each month to pay for your own offspring

How would you be any different if you fall onto hard times with 4 kids? People could say the same to you?

You know you're only one accident or illness away from being dependent on benefits yourself.

One thing that no-one seems to have mentioned is that situations change. It's perfectly that you can afford the large number of children but then life hits, dad (usually)leaves for another woman, one dies or one loses their highly paid job but has difficulty getting another one.

So 10 is a lot but by the time you bring blended families into the equation it's not that difficult.

I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed.

Which is it op?

How do you know that the mum didn't have a £100k per year job which she just lost and is now in penury, plus a husband who beats her and forces her to scour charities for kids toys and perhaps she had one planned kid and then accidentally had another 9 kids. Circumstances change!

I feel sorry for the children, I mean their Christmas 'is' ruined and that's sad but obviously not the volunteer's fault.

Missing the point spectacularly, but as a service manager, I read your OP and wondered why there wasn't signage at the reception point stressing that access criteria had changed so only X, Y, and Z families are now elligible. The service set this young woman up to be shot at; I can't believe that no other volunteers have had a similar experience with a stressed and panicking parent, however many kids they have.

They could have had a sign suggesting alternative sources if you're no longer eligible with QR codes for websites etc. and helped to stop the attacks on their staff.

Women with high flying 100k a year careers don't have 10 kids.

Now there is an article the BBC could dine out on.

@TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet disadvantage is complex however you know what motherhood entails after you have had 1 child. So it's not an excuse to blame your background nor the other things you have listed. I am saying this as someone who has come from kasos also you have to break the cycle somehow.

I would of loved another but I didn't do it!

@littlehouselights if that happens then I will be getting back from a system we have paid into for a collaborative 62 years, seems fair to me. This particular woman, with kids from 16-1 has very, very likely never worked a day in her life so spare me your pious righteousness dear.

I don't understand how anyone thinks they can look after 10 children- time or money-wise- unless they are very rich. We have 3 and DH earns a good salary and I now do too 3 days a week, but they cost us a small fortune. We certainly could not afford 10. We couldn't look after 10 properly either- emotionally..

@Archibaldleach she's on 100k a year but has used a charity for kids gifts for 6 years? I'd put good money on you being so far off the mark you can no longer see it!

I don't understand how anyone thinks they can look after 10 children- time or money-wise-

they know on some level that they can't. Not adequately at least. They just don't care.

Absolutely this.

As someone who puts a lot of voluntary hours in in various places, I try to focus on the children who find themselves in this position and hope that by working hard to help give them opportunities and experiences some may be empowered and facilitated to make a break in the future.

It is really hard though, and at our school, the moaning from parents with multiple children is often loud and very negative whenever we do anything fun/different, with the reason given, that "I've got 5 kids to sort" etc and I find it so hard to keep my thoughts to myself. Our PTA fund most trips, clubs and activities to ensure no one is left out and so often the families who benefits hugely are the most active complainers about any fundraising attempts (that they could choose not to participate in without doing them down!)

if that happens then I will be getting back from a system we have paid into for a collaborative 62 years, seems fair to me. This particular woman, with kids from 16-1 has very, very likely never worked a day in her life so spare me your pious righteousness dear.

You'll already be taking out a lot more than most from the system with 4 kids. How will it feel when someone tells you you should have crossed your legs?

Not to mention no one can climb the career ladder while taking a few months maternity leave every year or two, for more than a decade.

Unless she's an only fans content creator, it just doesn’t happen

I'd bet any money we have that this was not the case- and that she does not work, has few, if any, qualifications, didn't attend school much, has lived on benefits for at least 16 years and feels entitled to be fully supported by the State for the rest of her life.