To think why have so many kids if you can’t afford their presents?

[yuletidey]

Before I start I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against large families, I also understand people will have times in their lives where they struggle.

I recently volunteered for a local to charity, they donate toys to children in need all around the country. I have volunteered for around 6 years around Christmas time to get toys packed. Yesterday I was helping pack boxes as they are really overwhelmed with the demand.

Recently I think the charity has changed their criteria as before anyone could get in touch and they would receive toys, I think the founder was a bit naive there but hey. Now people need to be referred by a school, social worker, support worker etc as a lot of people were taking advantage.

Anyway a woman turned up to the charity yesterday, asking for toys. The young girl working there said they will be giving them out all next week, she mentioned they had changed the criteria. The woman was saying she has ten kids and she was relying on them for toys, she was saying how can I get toys, she has kids from 16 to 1. They will now have to go without and no one bothered to tell her the criteria changed. The young girl apologised and said all updates were on their social media but they can’t update everyone individually. The woman lost her temper saying they have ruined her kids Christmas, it’s the girls fault, she’s ruined 10 kids Christmas.

This went on for a bit until I someone else stepped in but I was just shocked. I appreciate people need help and the pressure of Christmas can’t be nice but this woman has used the toys since they started, in that time she’s had a few children. I realise it’s a touchy subject but I felt so sorry for the young girl as she was really upset at letting children down

I think if you volunteer you should keep your negative thoughts on service users to yourself and not publish them in places where they are likely to get picked up by the media.

Eh yourself...for characterising having more than 2 children in the negative only, as if the only reason one might have 4 kids is a lack of education and mental health difficulties!

The people I know with more than 2 are, like me, highly educated and more than capable of providing for and raising as many children as they want to.

Totally agree with you OP.

Quite.

There are single parents struggling by on benefits because they are disabled/incapacitated due to accident/injury or illness.
There but for the grace of god go I, and all that.

It doesn't take a great deal of imagination or empathy to realise that this woman's life is unlikely to be a pageant of unalloyed joy, which she in her vast selfishness chooses to enliven still further with repeated pregnancies, for the nefarious purpose of exploiting innocent charities.....

It also struck me while reading this thread that there is a persuasive argument to say that having a child is the most selfish thing you can do whether you are rich or poor, because of the impact on the planet - so if anyone wants to judge people with large families they should judge them perhaps for this reason, and regardless of socio-economic background.

The UK birth rate is falling, fell by -0.480% in 2022 I believe. The population is rising because people are living longer. There is enough food in the world to feed everyone. The issue is global inequality.

I totally agree too. We haven't got much, we both work part time and save hard through the year to give our 2 girls a great Xmas . I feel sometimes others could do the same but their are people who take advantage of the fact they can get handouts so don't need to worry about saving. If you have 10 kids then you would definitely need to be more prepared than waiting till now to try and sort Xmas for them . And its not anyone else fault that their kids will go without . I know that people are hard up and some people genuinely need the help but others are ripping the arse out of it

‘debriefed and supported’ good grief no wonder we’re encouraging a generation of ‘snow flakes’ 🙄

The people I know with more than 2 are, like me, highly educated and able to provide

This isn’t about you or your friends?

Op is asking why a woman might go on to have several more children when she was struggling to provide for her existing dc.

You’ve taken comments out of the context of the thread and gone all defensive.

Im one of 4 and have 3 children myself.

Absolutely this.

I don’t disagree with you - especially with the woman in your OP who sounds like a piece of work - but do people really sit down and do the maths of Xmas and birthday budgets etc. before they have a kid? Do you apply inflation, do you think about how ten years ago (when my eldest were toddlers) I was adamant we’d all share the one elderly PS2 but actual reality is that they have their own consoles and the games are £60 each not £30 as they used to be? Do we have to think about changing technology and how a cd was a perfectly acceptable gift ten years ago but today would be redundant for most? Or even just how as a pregnant woman we have all these ideas of how we’re going to raise our kids that inevitably go out the window?!

Ten kids is crazy, I’ve got three plus an adult step son and that’s difficult enough. If I could go back I’d seriously reconsider my youngest (older two are twins so kind of a package deal) as much as I love him, that added child is a huge extra burden (in the nicest possible way).

The UK's fertility rate is 1.753. Well under the 2.2 required for replacement levels.

It's a entirely different mindset that some people have. My dh has a niece like this. She had one DC and didn't particularly love motherhood. Gave her dc to her mum whenever she could. Then met another man and got pregnant again. Said she was done. The two child benefit cap was in place and then she had a third. I congratulated her and she rolled her eyes. She was honest about the fact she wasn't happy. Fast forward and she now has FOUR children. She does not enjoy motherhood. You can't even argue that she was doing it for the extra benefits as I said, two children benefit cap. It's utterly utterly bizarre. Some people just seem to make their lives so hard. But like I said, it's a entirely different mindset.

Don't quote and respond to a post if you don't understand it. And don't add things on to a post I was replying to to change it completely.
I'm nolt defensive.

I have to say from experience, that teens really do value privacy. Of course if you don’t have the money you can’t facilitate kids having their own rooms. But for emotional, social and academic reasons, having their own space from the age of 13 plus is a real advantage.

I think too many people forget about the teen stage when planning families. They think about lots of young kids, happily bunking up and playing together. The teen years are quite different.

Nevertheless, the chances of being in this position are far, far lower if you have 1 or 2 children. Large families are risky for all sorts of reasons.

I have changed my mindset. I have read everyone’s thoughts, and they are thought provoking I apologised. As I know I’m speaking from a place of privilege.
ive explained my first thoughts

My kids all have their own room and while my sister and I may have preferred our own growing up too, I'd much rather have her in my life then and forever after than swap her out for more elbow room and knocking on a door to provide privacy for a few years.

Loving that with every post the OP gets more judgemental while saying "not judging" as if that erases the judging.

I do agree with others- please stop volunteering OP (if you really do- recently or for 6 years (any clarification on that btw?)) People who need charity have enough on without being looked down on by the likes of you (judgemental phrase chosen on purpose)

The Daily Mail might like your story.

Woman with 10 kids gets arsey with saintly volunteer etc.

I'll stick with Daily Mail reader invents woman with 10 kids to whip up middle class froth.

I agree with you OP. We chose not to have children but DH once said to me that if we'd had them we'd be up for all sorts of benefits and could very possibly be better off.

🤣 As if.

How about no? The cost of those kids will outweigh any benefit you could get.

He's not that smart then. You'd need to be pretty poor to get anything but the most basic benefits for kids, and they cost more than you get, so you could only ever be worse off.

How am I judging more and more. I’ve read everyone’s thoughts. I have not volunteered for 6 years just the woman is known to the charity.

I’m also not of the belief people make money from benefits . I don’t doubt people are struggling my heart goes out to them.