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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boss is over reacting over non-attendance at Christmas party.

121 replies

NickD87 · 12/12/2022 21:58

I work remotely about 100 miles from my office. It’s a small charity (about 15 staff) and the CEO has been there for 30 years. Pretty old school.

I go into the office every couple of weeks.

This Wednesday is our office Christmas party. The CEO hasn’t really spoken about much else for the past few weeks and it’s been a bit of a bore. Essentially, it’s a dinner in the office, a cake decorating competition and then a quiz….

Anyway, my car stopped working on Friday afternoon. Tried everything I could to get it sorted. Sunday I paid a weekend rate for a call-out (£180 for basically some diagnostics) and only managed to find a garage who can take it at short notice today. It needs a lot of work with some critical electrical faults and is essentially quite dangerous to drive at the moment. The only day I can get it sorted is Christmas ‘party’ day.

I called her to explain, on speakerphone as I was working and husband was working in the same room.

At first she literally just kept giving grunts and then went on about how this was a very important event and I should make every effort to be there. She asked if I could get a train instead, but there is a strike on. She then gave a veiled threat that this wouldn’t look good to the rest of the team - or my upcoming annual 1-2-1. She then said I’d “had fucking days to get this sorted” (although I had spent all day Friday trying to fix the issue and then got a weekend mechanic out).

She calmed down once I got quite assertive with her, but even my husband was shocked at how emotional she got. It was really out of proportion.

I get that ‘team building’ etc is important, but she made me feel like I was doing this all on purpose to avoid going.

By the way, she also knows I have a family funeral this week - so that’ll also be difficult without a car! Yet this all seems more important to her…

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 12/12/2022 22:01

Ask if you can claim a taxi on expenses, there and back. As it's so important to her 😁

EmmaAgain22 · 12/12/2022 22:09

She's being ridiculous, hopefully she'll be normal about it tomorrow.

BatshitBanshee · 12/12/2022 22:11

"Well Barbara, if you'd kindly lend me your broom then I would indeed be delighted to fly my arse to your precious party. Quick pitstop at the family funeral this week tho, soz."

What a bitch. She'll see how awful her reaction was soon enough - and if she doesn't you can take yourself elsewhere. I've never heard a non-attendance at a fucking Christmas work party to be factored into an evaluation.

ThinWomansBrain · 12/12/2022 22:15

I don't think I'd want to work for anyone that spoke to me like that - I'd be updating my CV.
& hoping she chokes on her christmas cake.

Original poster
NickD87 · 12/12/2022 22:17

I was actually may suggest she pay for a rental car…

OP posts:
GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 22:21

If you're contracted to be in the office one day a fortnight and this is the one day, then I'm 50/50 about whether you need to get yourself there under other means, train for instance, however...

“had fucking days to get this sorted”

is not a reasonable way to be spoken to by your boss. Whether you end up going in on that day or not, I would be one hundred percent start looking for something else, there's no way I could work for someone who got so het up over a Christmas quiz.

TheArtfulStodger · 12/12/2022 22:22

Woah. What a fucking bitch. And threatening you with how it'll look at your 1-2-1!

Unprofessional af. Hope the funeral works out for you, and your boss gets a personality transplant.

Fuckitydoodah · 12/12/2022 22:23

She sounds like an absolute loon. Keep a note of what she said. I'd also reiterate what you told her in an email. If she rants in an email back to you then make sure you forward it to a private account.

I wouldn't want to drive a 100 miles for a Xmas party regardless of whether my car worked or not. Sounds a bit shit too 😁

FrangipaniBlue · 12/12/2022 22:32

I'm 50/50 about whether you need to get yourself there under other means, train for instance, however...

There is a train strike. OP says that in her post.

Original poster
NickD87 · 12/12/2022 22:35

It does sound shit!! But I would be there if I could. There are a few others that I can roll eyes with.

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 12/12/2022 22:35

I'd try to be there, or update CV and start looking for a new job.

Due to the way she's reacting now I'd guess that if you are not there she'll take it as a personal slight and find ways to make your life hell next year.

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression. Personally, I've always preferred male bosses.

GreenManalishi · 12/12/2022 22:44

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression.

Wow! Baseless generalisation of 2022?! @Charlize43 spoiler, some men are bullies and experts in passive aggression too... add to that chasing you round the desk, generally patronising the shit out of you and staring at your tits, discounting you for promotion because you're likely to get pregnant.... added to the fact that your boss is more likely to be male in the first place...

Maybe we could say that some bosses are passive aggressive bullies and they are awful to work for?

UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 22:45

I'm inclined to agree with @GreenManalishi 's thinking (though accept trains are on strike).
However, I would have ended the conversation at the point she started swearing at me, and I would have sent an e-mail to explain that I was not prepared to put up with that on a professional call.

maddiemookins16mum · 12/12/2022 22:47

Charlize43 · 12/12/2022 22:35

I'd try to be there, or update CV and start looking for a new job.

Due to the way she's reacting now I'd guess that if you are not there she'll take it as a personal slight and find ways to make your life hell next year.

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression. Personally, I've always preferred male bosses.

Let me just correct this……
’Some women…….’

Ragwort · 12/12/2022 22:51

I cannot imagine working for someone who spoke to me like that ... I would at the very least send her a strongly worded email regarding her lack of professionalism in the way she addressed you.

And what charity employs someone like that? I have worked for a number of charities and wouldn't tolerate that.

whynotwhatknot · 12/12/2022 22:54

silly cow how rude-its a 100 miles away and your car doesnt work what does she want you to do fly

Bunnycat101 · 12/12/2022 22:59

Oh I’ve had this before where some bosses get overly attached to the Christmas party/other social events and seems to take it as a personal attack if people have something better to do. If your car is buggered and there are no trains, there are limits to how far (and how much money) you can reasonable expect someone to go for a social event.

Original poster
NickD87 · 12/12/2022 22:59

She founded the charity….so never really needed to be employed unfortunately. I don’t think she’s ever had to work anywhere else so doesn’t have any other experiences to compare it to. She is like this a lot. Seems to think it’s normal.

OP posts:
pigonalipstick · 12/12/2022 23:01

Charlize43 · 12/12/2022 22:35

I'd try to be there, or update CV and start looking for a new job.

Due to the way she's reacting now I'd guess that if you are not there she'll take it as a personal slight and find ways to make your life hell next year.

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression. Personally, I've always preferred male bosses.

What the hell? Take your misogyny elsewhere. PLEASE (seems I'm not rude 😇)

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/12/2022 23:03

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression. Personally, I've always preferred male bosses.

😳

UsingChangeofName · 12/12/2022 23:10

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression. Personally, I've always preferred male bosses.

What utter bollox.

EthicalNonMahogany · 12/12/2022 23:13

This boss sounds shite. But I have sympathy with trying to make people come in for team building activities. They never seem to see the link between their constant choice to stay at home and inability to face the social world of the office, and their growing anxieties, paranoia, poor mental health, distrust and dislike of colleagues. Seems like this boss is getting over invested in the event. But for every boss like that, spare a thought for bosses like me, a boss who isn't really loving the Xmas party, but just wants the bloody team to gel a bit and get on with each other.

whynotwhatknot · 12/12/2022 23:15

op works from home mostly- its a bloody xmas party not life or death team building outing

ThereIbledit · 12/12/2022 23:20

@Charlize43
Please rethink your comment. It's fucking rude, sexist and regressive to brand women (therefore all women) as awful to work for.

OP: Your boss is being crackers but is it worth hiring a car for the week to save the drama? If you need to get to the funeral anyway?

I'm glad you felt confident enough to be assertive back to her, though.

Topseyt123 · 12/12/2022 23:33

She sounds unhinged. I'm afraid I would be tempted to tell her to shove her Christmas party up her arse after being spoken to like that.

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