To think my boss is over reacting over non-attendance at Christmas party.

[NickD87]

I work remotely about 100 miles from my office. It’s a small charity (about 15 staff) and the CEO has been there for 30 years. Pretty old school.

I go into the office every couple of weeks.

This Wednesday is our office Christmas party. The CEO hasn’t really spoken about much else for the past few weeks and it’s been a bit of a bore. Essentially, it’s a dinner in the office, a cake decorating competition and then a quiz….

Anyway, my car stopped working on Friday afternoon. Tried everything I could to get it sorted. Sunday I paid a weekend rate for a call-out (£180 for basically some diagnostics) and only managed to find a garage who can take it at short notice today. It needs a lot of work with some critical electrical faults and is essentially quite dangerous to drive at the moment. The only day I can get it sorted is Christmas ‘party’ day.

I called her to explain, on speakerphone as I was working and husband was working in the same room.

At first she literally just kept giving grunts and then went on about how this was a very important event and I should make every effort to be there. She asked if I could get a train instead, but there is a strike on. She then gave a veiled threat that this wouldn’t look good to the rest of the team - or my upcoming annual 1-2-1. She then said I’d “had fucking days to get this sorted” (although I had spent all day Friday trying to fix the issue and then got a weekend mechanic out).

She calmed down once I got quite assertive with her, but even my husband was shocked at how emotional she got. It was really out of proportion.

I get that ‘team building’ etc is important, but she made me feel like I was doing this all on purpose to avoid going.

By the way, she also knows I have a family funeral this week - so that’ll also be difficult without a car! Yet this all seems more important to her…

just be nice to be on a CEO wage and to just magic up solutions so easily with your expense account

even if you can afford it, you can't necessarily magic up capacity in a garage. And even if they can fit you in right away, they often have to get the parts etc. So the OP's boss is being even more unreasonable.

OP thanks for confirming that you are contracted as a remote worker.

it makes a difference, she is being unreasonable.

I hope you can sort out transport to the funeral.

Yes but you can hire yourself a car more easily, put yours in a dealership for the repair (which let's face it, it the very expensive way to go but don't normally have such a waiting list like other garages) or you can use a car service like taxis or Ubers. I wouldn't like to even think how expensive it would be to take a 100 mile taxi service.

Women are awful to work for. Some of them are bullies and experts in passive aggression. Personally, I've always preferred male bosses.

I've found precisely the opposite. The two best, most flexible and most supportive managers I've ever had have been women, and I experienced appalling sexism in one job where I was the first woman to be appointed to a role that had always been undertaken by men until I joined the organisation.

OP doesn’t have to go at all - as she is contracted to work from home and the party, I think, is in work hours. Suggest to the boss you will decorate a cupcake at home and join in the quiz over zoom.

Yes, this is a daytime thing.
However, I’m the only person working in my department and have so much to do, and Friday is my last day in the office. I am actually more than happy to crack on with work and then join via zoom for the quiz part (although I’m told this ‘wouldn’t work’….)

Interesting! Grievance policy is to go to the CEO…
We have no dedicated HR function.

have you spoken to her again op

as soon as she knew there wa a strike on she should have moved the party anyway but to insist you come to an event thats not work 100 miles away she lost the argument-you even tried to say you'll zoom and she said no

I'd have told her to stuff her "party"and her job firmly and squarely up her arse if she spoke to me like that.

Beautifully expressed Change

"Bollox" indeed.

I would have hung up on her. No one talks to me like that, CEO or no CEO.

Surely if a grievance is taken out against the CEO an independent adviser should be brought in to investigate it? Have you had sight of the constitution?

Make sure you follow up the call - mention the agression or not, up to you, but I'd certainly want to get across that she can't speak to me like that - and reiterate that you simply cannot travel there due to circs beyond your control. And remind her of your remote contract, because that plays a role too.

And just keep reiterating, "sorry, no can do" and keep your cool.

Did you put her on speakerphone so you'd have a witness?

The threat about your 1-2-1 alone would have me giving my notice. People can only behave appallingly if they have willing victims.

Oh god yes - see also "be creative" when you ask them to solve a problem. Lazy management.

@NickD87 There should be an alternative in case the grievance is against the CEO. Usually that would be to take it to the board of trustees.

Yep, especially at this time of year in an Arctic snap.

Yeah, not even one page into this thread and we’ve got ‘women are witches/ bitches/ shitter at bossing than men’.

Depressing load of sexist old shite coming out here.

’founded the charity’…given the way she treats people, you have to laugh really. Full of charitable compassion, isn’t she? Threats about your performance management appraisal are nice and festive.

Yep, if this compulsory party is so important then she can pay for a hire car or taxis.

what happened op-ope the funeral went ok

If you do make it in draw a massive cock and balls on your cake.