To think the encouragement to delay real life is a big cause in the explosion of mental health issues in under 35's ?

[rudolphrainbownose]

Okay, so there is a well documented mental health crisis amongst young people , particularly university students, needing mental health support.

Is it just me or is the current culture of delaying "real adulthood" ( staying at school longer, young marriage/ pregnancy actively discouraged and frowned upon, uni unofficially taking the school leaving age to 23 for middle class young people, staying living at their parents well into their late 20's/ early 30's....)

To me it seems discouraging starting real adult life is fuelling this.

1. Young women are told not to expect "security" in relationships, they are almost told to expect being ghosted by a series of men "not wanting to put a label on it," and going on a series of disastrous online dates is better than settling down young. Look how much marriage amongst under 25's is frowned upon on Mumsnet.

But I don't see many aspects of the dating scene today, ("friends with benefits" being cool, sex often expected without commitment before or afterwards on the first couple of dates, having to actually spell out you don't want the guy you are dating online to continue dating others online, being ghosted and blocked for no reason, being particularly healthy for the mental health of young people). Yet this is sold to them as more empowering than settling down into a steady relationship at a relatively young age....

2. I'll expect to be flamed for this, but the active discouragement of having children in your 20's , probably robs a lot of women of a focus, ( because having your own family is often a nice focus), than drifting around without a purpose gives them. This also leads to probably more people experiencing the panic of miscarriage and infertility , ( risks increasing with age), into their 30's.

3. Active encouragement into University without thinking often leads to a horrendously mentally unhealthy lifestyle.

For those with a passion for the subject, or doing a vocational course that leads to a career, of course university should be supported.

But that is not the case for your average student. Your average student goes to uni because, broadly speaking, it's what their college or sixth form expects of anyone vaguely academic. They pick a subject with no fixed career that they are at best, vaguely interested in, ( managed to scrape a B in business studies A Level, hated it the least, so I'll do it at uni to delay working for three years).

They head to uni to study a subject they are not particularly interested in, ith no idea what it will lead to afterwards. Most, have at most, six hours a week contact time, ( often less post covid). They sleep in late, browse the internet and get smashed a few times a week, ( the majority of students I know do not work in term time). Rinse and repeat. And they wonder why living this not very appealing lifestyle leaves students at poor risk of mental health ? And many are encouraged to take on a masters in a subject they are not interested in, with no direct career, to delay entering the real world for another year. They live in a bubble with people of the same age and inexperience as them. Compare that to a 19 year old office juniour being up and about, learning about the world of work, going for after work drinks with colleagues of a variety of ages ?

And the housing crisis means they are still likely to be living at home, ( especially if they are single), until 30. Often treated like overgrown teenagers, still in the habit of explaining to their parents where they are going of an evening. My friend , ( male), was explaining to me that at 28 he was working himself up to staying the night at his new girlfriends as he was so embarrassed to explain where he was to his parents, ( because if he told them he wouldn't be home for dinner as he was staying at his girlfriend's , they'd realise he was having sex).

In short, is delaying marriage, babies, work , moving out and leaving education actually causing everyone to be directionless and unhappy ?

When on earth did I say I agree with Shit maternity pay or sick pay ? I don't.

But the fact some companies, ( and actually the NHS generally has a good sick/ maternity pay scheme), pay shit wages has nothing to do with the point that doing a degree with minimum contact hours, with no direction or vocational pathway, where you have no interest in the subject , no plans for after graduation and you sit around drinking and playing computer games is likely to make you a bit depressed.

Again: deal with the housing crisis before bothering with anything else. It all comes back to that. Boomers could 'progress' because mortgages were only three times their salaries.

These non-existent graduates that you have conjured up in your own head are quite the imaginary layabouts, huh?

I haven't "imagined" them , it is the direct experiences of friends and acquaintances who are open about the fact they wish they had chosen something with more vocational direction and feel that this lifestyle had a negative effect on their mental health. Don't know why that would offend you .

@FlissyPaps Those careers might still be better than a History degree, for example, and no idea of a career path. It’s one thing if you’ve got a plan-my friend’s son (20) is doing a Classics degree ( I’ve forgotten the actual major), he’s exceptionally talented in this field, has a clear plan to do a Ph. D. and will probably end up being recruited by a museum or university.

I think we need to focus more on what comes next after your degree. Many of my generation didn’t and it hadn’t helped us!

I didn’t say you agree with it did I? I’m saying you’re sprouting bullshit. Which you are.

I work for the NHS and it absolutely does not have a good sick and maternity pay scheme. Not by a mile.

Again, you’re living in cuckoo land.

Are you oblivious to the current state of the country ? Are you?

Do you realise what 10+ years of austerity has done? Are you aware of the strikes from transport, postal workers, nurses, teachers? And you want people to go into these “promising” careers with optimism?

You think mental health problems are caused by siting around playing computer games????

I despair.

Good for him.

But the average UK citizen who are struggling to pay their bills and get on the property ladder aren’t incredibly talented in that field and will be no where near getting a PHD.

I HAVE A DEGREE. FOCUSING ON WHAT COMES NEXT ISNT GOING TO HELP THE SAD STATE OF THIS COUNTRY.

Much of the problem is caused by society's expectation that a degree is necessary for all kinds of jobs. In reality, many jobs can be fulfilled by reasonably educated young people who don't have a degree.
There is also the huge problem of housing costs. It's almost impossible to get onto the property ladder in your twenties now, which means that more and more young adults are living with their parents, which isn't ideal.

@FlissyPaps That gets back to one of the original points the OP made-why push so many people towards university when it’s possibly not the best option for them?

I’m so glad that apprenticeships are popular now-they weren’t when I was leaving school. I think they’re a much better fit for many people.

Some of us are perfectly capable of living fulfilling lives with direction, goals and achievement without ever having kids… shocking, I know.

I think the mental health issues are more to do with analysing everything to death trying to find some way to be offended at all times.

How old are you OP? Your post is ridiculous and incredibly sexist. The fact you think women need to have children at a young age in order to have a focus or be happy sounds like something out of the 50s. Also, having children later doesn't mean that you have to have sex with loads of random men or have shitty relationships. Nothing is stopping you from having fulfilling relationships while not procreating you know.

Encouraging women to get married and have babies in their 20s (especially before 25) is a great recipe to fuck them over financial and get them stuck in subpar relationships.

I would never ever encourage a girl to go down that road.

We need to raise strong independent women who put themselves first. Which means sorting out your own career and finances before you sacrifice yourself to marriage and motherhood.

I’m 31 and I’ve always gotten the feeling that with the increasing amount of elderly people rubbing governments that they don’t see us as adults. I mean even though many millennials are now in their 30’s the media still talks about us as if we are spoiled teenagers. Have you noticed that? At least in the united states that is the case.

You're describing three people you know.

Your anecdotes aren't relevant at a population level.

The one woman from my generation who got married way ahead of our cohort, during uni years, is now at 31 a twice divorced single mother...

Well yes, but they will hardly be unusual or unique in:
a) Doing degrees in subjects they aren't interested in and which don't have a vocational pathway,
b) Having minimal contact hours during their degree,
c) Not working during term time/ holidays,
d)staying up late, playing computer games and spending most of their uni years without structure.

Yes during the pandemic it was all the newspaper articles about 'millennials spreading covid with parties' meanwhile most of the millenials I knew where struggling to homeschool their children whilst working from home full time.

Which is why I'm not keen on posts like the OPs, we are just moving on to blaming another generation for things outside of their control and giving them a reputation.

That's funny because I don't know anyone who fits this description.

Perhaps it's only usual in your social circle.

No one should be getting married at a very young age however…

When we live in a day and are when universities have basically become massive loan scams and the job market is dwindling this seems like a fantastic recipe for a pile of debt, infertility and loneliness if we do not tread carefully.

I think that boomers were bad at loving each other and because one generation fucked it up we all think that love and romance is some sort of impossible fairy tale which is competitor untrue. Look just because one generation popped off a bunch of thoughtless shotgun marriages between the ages of 17-22 and their marriages fell apart doesn’t mean it’s all doom and gloom.

Women are sacrificed for marriage and kids? What a sad way to look at life. Sure it’s not the road for every woman to walk but what about women like myself who enjoy marriage and kids?

I agree with everything @FlissyPaps is saying. You are coming across as very insulting and narrow minded. I also despair.

@rudolphrainbownose Do you realise what 10+ years of austerity has done to this country?

Do you realise what it’s done to the NHS, public services, transport, education??????? Do you have any idea?????

@PissedOffAmericanWoman What about Gen Z, the actual teens/early 20’s cohort? I have the impression that they’re viewed as quite a serious group-my kids are Gen Z and they’re definitely more focused than I was as a Gen X’er.

I'm one of those ghastly posters who hasn't read the full thread. I think it's much more complicated. For example I think in some ways children are encouraged to grow up much younger than before. Much more listened to by adults, consumers much earlier, discouraged from playing with sone toys much younger etc.

I think it's too tempting to extract some things to fit an argument. Although I can see some of your thinking.

So much has changed since the end of the 20th century; teenagers being an entity - not straight to adults from children, women legally allowed to work after marriage, contraception, fertility treatments, longer lives, disposable incomes, globalism, less religious influence in society frowning on sex before marriage etc etc.

Maybe there was a greater support network for younger people? Families living closer together and more of your contemporaries doing the same thing at the same time?

Jesus Christ this is also one of the most bullshit things I’ve read on this thread.