Nursery’s ridiculous rules

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

I need some advice here because I am at my absolutely lowest I have ever been and feeling immense guilt as a parent.

My DS is 18 months old and we put him in a nursery a year ago because it’s part of a school he can stay at until he’s 18 years old. The staff are wonderful except one individual. Last winter he was very young and was constantly sent home sick despite there being nothing wrong with him. This was a common occurrence and for many other children too. We went with it and just thought he’d build some immunity. It continued and many of us believed that due to being short staffed they were sending kids home at random. Parents started turning up at the nursery with thermometers because they knew the staff were lying.

Nursery refused to administer calpol until this year where the rules were they would administer one dose and if temp didn’t come down they would need to be sent home.

Low and behold he’s sent home every single week with some other excuse as to why he can’t stay. Despite having calpol and his temp coming down and not returning. Last week it was ‘he’s not himself’…

My frustration is that we have literally just moved house into a big 10-year house just to be near this school. There is a local nursery that he could attend for similar price but I was dead set on him attending a nursery that was part of a school he could stay at until he was older. The next nearest one that could take him is 30 mins away and the opposite direction to my work so would be 2 hours every morning I needed to get to the office. The other thing is that I’d probably have to send him back to this school when he turns 3 anyway for pre school before reception at the same school.

My only other option is to get a nanny, which I’m not ruling out I just loved the fact he got to play with so many other children and so often and despite the nursery manager the other staff are so so lovely.

I can’t help feeling immense guilt at the fact we’ve moved house to put him in what we thought was the best place, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

Have you engaged with the nursery about this? Ie asked to actually meet and discuss

And you really sound like you want him to go to this school!!! To move house specifically for a baby to attend a specific school is quite a commitment

would administer one dose and if temp didn’t come down they would need to be sent home.

totally utterly and completely… reasonable!!

The calpol rule is standard I think. What do nursery say when you tell them that he’s fine and ask why he was sent home? To be honest, I would be tempted to just not answer my phone and leave him there, then see how that plays out!

At our nursery they send home for a temperature even if it responds to Calpol. They just keep them long enough for someone to collect them

You know him attending the on site private day nursery doesn't guarantee him a place in the school right? (unless an independent school)

Calpol and temp not reducing is absolutely and completely normal - and I'd want my child sent home in that instance too!

Surely you can go to a different day nursery until reception age? and if you're so desperate to have this school he goes back from Reception?

At 18 months old, I'd put him into the nursery that works best for you now, and worry about school when you have to. When he starts actual school there will be a change in staff/ other children anyway, and a lot of the kids will be in the same position, so it's not a big deal to return at 4.

Also our nursery has been carnage this year already with bugs. DC ended up the only kid in her room one day last week!

Stop picking up the phone, or collect him, go to the drs and say that he's been given a clean bill of health.

What's a 10-year house?

Is he guaranteed a place at the school if he's at the nursery? If not, switch nurseries. He's not making life long friends at 18 months so he will be fine adjusting if he goes at primary school.

DS has been in a few nurseries of varying responses to illness. I think once they're a bit older nurseries seem happier keeping them if they're a bit under the weather but still clearly having fun. I do think it's harder to judge when they're actually ill when younger. If DS responded to Calpol when younger we'd still get a call to pick him up early if we could, but they were happy to keep him if we couldn't manage it for some reason.

Ate you saying they are lying that he has a temperature?

If his temperature doesn’t come down with Calpol then it’s entirely reasonable to send him home.

But if you aren’t happy then a childminder or nanny might be the solution. If it’s a private school (and I suspect it is) they will give him a place in reception anyway if you put his name down.

I do not think my ds's nursery give calpol. If he has a temperature we are asked to collect him. I understand that. When he has a temperature (and he has had one a number of times that appears to be linked to teething) we are asked to collect him. I have no qualms with that (his temperatures are frequently over 39 degrees).

If a child needs calpol to control a temperature, they shouldn't be at nursery.

Move nursery. We had a similar situation with previous childcare, to the point where I would take my thermometer with me at pick up when I got 'the call', lo and behold he wouldn't have a temp. Tried talking to management who were very defensive. They were basically short staffed and I'm pretty sure they were sending home to keep their ratios ok. The nursery has since closed. We've had 4 months in the new setting and not once have we been called to pick him up with a mystery temperature.

Just answering lots of questions all at once.

• it’s an independent school so guaranteed a place in reception
• 10 year house means we moved here and plan to stay at least 10 years (especially given current market!)
• no issue with being sent home with a temperate that doesn’t respond to calpol, it’s when he has a temp of 37.7 and they ring me to say collect him or we’ll give him calpol and they give calpol and it comes down to normal and he’s still sent home.
• this week was sent home with no symptoms other than ‘he’s not himself’.
• addressed this with the school, never get an answer just get made out to be a difficult parent for wanting my child to attend a nursery I’m paying £1500 a month for.

i think this evening we need to look at alternatives. I was so worried about the transition from nursery to school that I wanted him to go to somewhere familiar so he wouldn’t have that fear that I had growing up. Maybe he will just be more resilient than me!!

Our previous nursery definitely used to do this! Not sure why people are piling on you, I suppose they haven't experienced it themselves. It was a commonly discussed suspicion among the parents that our nursery was doing this. On days inbetween randomly sending kids home they were asking for volunteer parents to take their kids home as they didn't have enough staff to maintain the ratios. It sorted itself out after about 6 months when they hired more staff. The nursery would rather inconvenience you than pay the extra for the agency staff basically.

If the OP doesn't answer her phone, they'll just ring the emergency contact instead.

And she's not going to be able to see a doctor for a 'clean bill of health' every single time the nursery sends her DC home.

I know for a fact it’s happening as one of my friends from primary works in the baby room and she TOLD me they were told to send children home with any excuse to get numbers down. There’s been a lot of ‘loose nappies’ and 48 hour bans in that room recently too….

I think try discussing with other parents at pick up (outside the building!) If it's a common issue I think you can try complaining as a group. We were lucky to have a very forthright and motivated mother as part of our group, she got a lot of new and nonsensical rules changed (eg nursery will no longer apply sunscreen to kids, nursery now shuts at 6pm!)

My GP actually wrote them a letter (which I paid £25 for) to allow them to administer medication for teething pain as he has an issue with the way his jaw is growing (hereditary). The GP wrote ‘this is not a good use of practise time…’ at the end.

If I didn’t answer they would call my parents who are 3 hours away and my mother would think I had died.

I agree. Most nurseries won’t give calpol or if they do they expect you to come and collect them immediately.

This person is me and I got called into the head teachers office and told ‘we didn’t have all these complaints until you arrived’ and asked me to step down.

no issue with being sent home with a temperate that doesn’t respond to calpol

No! He's got a fever because he's unwell, masking a symptoms with calool doesn't mean he's better, it means he's comfortable. They aren't nurses, you must collect and keep him until he no longer has a fever that needs calpol.