Nursery’s ridiculous rules

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

I need some advice here because I am at my absolutely lowest I have ever been and feeling immense guilt as a parent.

My DS is 18 months old and we put him in a nursery a year ago because it’s part of a school he can stay at until he’s 18 years old. The staff are wonderful except one individual. Last winter he was very young and was constantly sent home sick despite there being nothing wrong with him. This was a common occurrence and for many other children too. We went with it and just thought he’d build some immunity. It continued and many of us believed that due to being short staffed they were sending kids home at random. Parents started turning up at the nursery with thermometers because they knew the staff were lying.

Nursery refused to administer calpol until this year where the rules were they would administer one dose and if temp didn’t come down they would need to be sent home.

Low and behold he’s sent home every single week with some other excuse as to why he can’t stay. Despite having calpol and his temp coming down and not returning. Last week it was ‘he’s not himself’…

My frustration is that we have literally just moved house into a big 10-year house just to be near this school. There is a local nursery that he could attend for similar price but I was dead set on him attending a nursery that was part of a school he could stay at until he was older. The next nearest one that could take him is 30 mins away and the opposite direction to my work so would be 2 hours every morning I needed to get to the office. The other thing is that I’d probably have to send him back to this school when he turns 3 anyway for pre school before reception at the same school.

My only other option is to get a nanny, which I’m not ruling out I just loved the fact he got to play with so many other children and so often and despite the nursery manager the other staff are so so lovely.

I can’t help feeling immense guilt at the fact we’ve moved house to put him in what we thought was the best place, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

Rules are rules! They are in place for a reason, if they staff all fall ill. Who's going to actually be there?
Don't send children poorly, especially with a fever. Even if its 37.7
Runny nose with no fever, cool! But don't risk other children by being selfish!

Rules in my area are that no child is allowed to attended with a fever. Children are sent home if they get one.
No attendance if child has had a head injury 24 prior.
Only antibiotics can be given with note from doctor.
48 hours rule after last bout of Vomiting or Diarrhea.

Mixed messages here, I'm not saying there is no exclusion, I'm saying nurseries can set their own threshold for that exclusion. O personally send home after one diarrhoea or vomit, and any fever goes home regardless of the calpol or not. You've assumed incorrectly that I'm saying they should go home, I'm saying your nursery has chosen to allow three diarrhoea (especially in pants that must be horrific) and my setting is not as tolerant of looking after clearly ill children.

The honest answer is that I have a boss who is nothing short of incredible and company who is completely understanding. I am working 5-7am 12-2pm (nap time) and 7-11pm at night to make up half the days hours too!!

Most DC do not go to an 'all-through' schooling environment - you need to work out why you think this is such an important element in how you decide a nursery setting.

If you know you want to send your DC to this school for primary education - put their name down and pay the deposit.

Sounds like your current nursery is perpetually understaffed and have random rules. Check out the other nursery - see how you feel.

So are they sending him home without a temperature? When you ask if he has a temperature and they say no can you not say "then I will not be picking him up early"? What will they do if you don't show up??

This is really common where we are (luckily not at our nursery) but nurseries being over subscribed and then sending kids home at random through the day.
Their new calpol rule is in place at our nursery though and seems reasonable.
It's tricky - I'd definitely arrange a meeting with the nursery manager and see what they say before you move him. Im not sure id want my child returning for preschool though if this is your experience so far

OP, a toddler's volatile temperature is not the holy grail of pediatric diagnosis.
"Normal temperature" certainly is no indicator of being perfectly well. I cringe to think of mothers going to nursery with a thermometer.

"this week was sent home with no symptoms other than ‘he’s not himself’.

You should be grateful.

"Not himself" is a far more reliable indicator that the child needs to be at home with one to one care and observation.

Why is the nursery emergency contact 3 hours away?

Totally missing the point..

I have a strong suspicion Op that this nursery and indeed the school will collectively breathe a sigh of relief if you find alternative childcare provision

If this is your experience of the school, why on Earth would you want to keep the child there.

@Dinosaurpoopy Think you need to re read. Myself and dad are both emergency contacts and are nearby, this THIRD emergency contact is 3 hours away, because…that’s where she lives.

I was replying to someone who asked what would happen if myself and my partner didn’t answer our phones when nursery called, which we obviously wouldn’t do.

Lol, if only there was space elsewhere I would move him happily. I’m sure plenty of parents are happy to be paying 20k a year to be walked over.

They can’t actually exclude him for no reason though. So if they call and he has no symptoms of illness that would merit exclusion (for me these would be vomiting, temperature, loose nappies, bad injury) can you not just say ‘what do you mean he’s not himself? Oh he seems tired. Well I’ll ring up later and see how he’s getting on, thanks,’ then ignore?

I work with kids and sometimes they’re not themselves. These things happen. Sometimes kids aren’t at their best self. Tired, bad mood etc. We just work the best we can and let mum/dad/whoever know when they pick them up.

I would wonder this though. If you truly believe they tell lies about your child’s health to regularly exclude them/get them sent home from sessions you’re paying for, I’d re-evaluate whether this is a place you want your son to be for the next 17 years.

You’re absolutely right. The nursery is quite separate from the school though (e.g. school has a nurse that the nursery don’t use). We are making a sheet of all alternatives to consider and I spoke to two new nurseries today.

I would look for a better nursery or a nanny/childminder. Then research local primary schools. There is every chance you won't like the private school if the nursery is anything to go by. If you do, they will take your child as long as you are paying.

A GP letter is pointless if the nursery has a policy in place. I work in healthcare and the amount of people who seem to think a letter from the GP will instantly change things is ridiculous. It won’t. GPs only have authority in a GP practice.
Id change nursery. He’s 18 months old and so much can happen between now and when he starts school.

They asked for the letter.

My children never get what is classed as a high temperature, I’m the same. We are generally around 36 degrees, my son is currently unwell and feels absolutely boiling but his temperature is only 37.3 so not classed as high. What I’m trying to say is kids can be clearly unwell without having what a nursery/school would class as a temperature.

It’s really frustrating when kids get sent into nursery clearly unwell dosed up on calpol to mask a temp. It’s not fair on the child, the other kids or the staff.

If as you say a member of staff has told you they are sending kids home for no reason then you need to take it further.

They shouldn't be taking his temp unless he seems unwell, if he seems unwell then shouldn't really be in nursery. If they're taking all the childrens temps daily just because then that's not right, temps fluctuate normally anyway, an isolated slightly above what's considered normal in an otherwise well child isn't anything to worry about or anything to try and 'get down'!

Never had a problem at my nursery, although I think I set the tone when they called me to collect my 2 year old with a head injury that needed stitching - When I arrived it was fine for gluing and she was well so just closed the wound myself and sent her back in (I'm a Paramedic who can close wounds and my 2 year old was absolutely unphased by the whole thing). Clothing however is another matter, the amount of jumpers that seem to vanish in that place is astounding!

I’m sure plenty of parents are happy to be paying 20k a year to be walked over

Well actually, yes - it really is hard to get a place at many independent school nurseries. I work in the senior section of an all-through independent school, and it is so hard to get a place at the nursery, despite it being crazy expensive. I'm sure you're right - there probably will be parents queueing up to take the spot if your child does leave!

I've managed nurseries and worked in them. Whilst it sounds excessive to send him home every week, there have been so many viruses going round and a fever is a good indicator of infectious disease. Not many providers give calpol so I think it's a stretch asking them to do it. You should ask to see their sickness policy (they must have one) and if they're trying to breach it, you then have something solid to work with.

No one should be sending their child to school with a temperature, calpol or not

But i your example your child most definitely did require medical assistance from a medical professional, that you happen to be.

So what do you mean by you “set the tone” @SleepyRich ?

if you have these reservations about the schools behaviour now, maybe think if you really want to keep him there for the rest of his schooling.

Meet with the managers

report to Ofsted

. Or answer & say you are miles away & you’re ”rushing” back on the train.

kids in nursery miss more days than they attend for the first term with bugs.

xxx