Page 4 | Nursery’s ridiculous rules

Twobecomingthreeplusthedog · 2022-12-12T10:51:22+00:00

I need some advice here because I am at my absolutely lowest I have ever been and feeling immense guilt as a parent. My DS is 18 months old and we put him in a nursery a year ago because it’s part of a school he can stay at until he’s 18 years old. The staff are wonderful except one individual. Last winter he was very young and was constantly sent home sick despite there being nothing wrong with him. This was a common occurrence and for many other children too. We went with it and just thought he’d build some immunity. It continued and many of us believed that due to being short staffed they were sending kids home at random. Parents started turning up at the nursery with thermometers because they knew the staff were lying. Nursery refused to administer calpol until this year where the rules were they would administer one dose and if temp didn’t come down they would need to be sent home. Low and behold he’s sent home every single week with some other excuse as to why he can’t stay. Despite having calpol and his temp coming down and not returning. Last week it was ‘he’s not himself’… My frustration is that we have literally just moved house into a big 10-year house just to be near this school. There is a local nursery that he could attend for similar price but I was dead set on him attending a nursery that was part of a school he could stay at until he was older. The next nearest one that could take him is 30 mins away and the opposite direction to my work so would be 2 hours every morning I needed to get to the office. The other thing is that I’d probably have to send him back to this school when he turns 3 anyway for pre school before reception at the same school. My only other option is to get a nanny, which I’m not ruling out I just loved the fact he got to play with so many other children and so often and despite the nursery manager the other staff are so so lovely. I can’t help feeling immense guilt at the fact we’ve moved house to put him in what we thought was the best place, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

Original poster

Twobecomingthreeplusthedog · 13/12/2022 08:15

marmitetoastie · 13/12/2022 08:09

if you have these reservations about the schools behaviour now, maybe think if you really want to keep him there for the rest of his schooling.

Meet with the managers

report to Ofsted

. Or answer & say you are miles away & you’re ”rushing” back on the train.

kids in nursery miss more days than they attend for the first term with bugs.

xxx

i agree but this is term 6..!!

OP posts:

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 08:29

@thewayround

By setting the tone I meant that if they call me regards a medical concern I will come but the assessment will happen at the nursery, and if not required to come home she can stay at the nursery. This was highlighted to them especially when as you say what would normally have been an obvious need to attend a&e was dealt with in their reception area.

They've only tried it twice with me with my 3 children passing through their doors now. Conversely other parents are constantly talking about their frustration with well children being sent home with some spurious concern.

Goodgrief82 · 13/12/2022 10:13

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 08:29

@thewayround

By setting the tone I meant that if they call me regards a medical concern I will come but the assessment will happen at the nursery, and if not required to come home she can stay at the nursery. This was highlighted to them especially when as you say what would normally have been an obvious need to attend a&e was dealt with in their reception area.

They've only tried it twice with me with my 3 children passing through their doors now. Conversely other parents are constantly talking about their frustration with well children being sent home with some spurious concern.

So if you turned up and your child had a temperature that had not gone down with medication but you thought seemed fine in the self to stay…. Then the nursery would have kept your child? @SleepyRich

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 12:10

@Goodgrief82

Yes in a child with fever who's otherwise well and without pain there's no need to even give anything at all to try and bring the fever down in the first place.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/12/2022 12:13

If a child has a temperature there really isn’t “nothing wrong with him”

why would you want him there if it wasn’t coming down with Calpol?

perfectly reasonable policy.

Goodgrief82 · 13/12/2022 12:13

I would be upset if I was another parent who heard that your child was remaining at nursery with a fever that wasn’t going down with meds or the parent didn’t want meds to be administered to see if it was managed by meds

SleeplessInEngland · 13/12/2022 12:18

Our nursery is pretty liberal, but I've heard some ridiculous stories about others. "Two not completely solid poohs in a row? Stay home for two days. Temperature? We'll give them calpol but pick them up immediately regardless of the calpol working or not."

Original poster

Twobecomingthreeplusthedog · 13/12/2022 12:43

SleeplessInEngland · 13/12/2022 12:18

Our nursery is pretty liberal, but I've heard some ridiculous stories about others. "Two not completely solid poohs in a row? Stay home for two days. Temperature? We'll give them calpol but pick them up immediately regardless of the calpol working or not."

Exactly this! And sent home with a temp of 37.7 a few week ago…!

OP posts:

Onestepforwards2back · 13/12/2022 12:56

According to the NHS website 37.7 degrees Celsius isn’t even a fever!

wimbler · 13/12/2022 13:05

A temperature can be a marker of an infection which could in turn be contagious. It sucks but at this age kids get ill all time time as their immune system just isn't that robust. a "child not being theirself" can often be used as code for "an absolute fucking nightmare" for them to look after. When a kid feels under the weather and all they want is their parent, it can be very hard for nursery staff to do their job effectively. That's also why they can sometimes seem "fine" when collected

Every nursery has their own policy - ours is monitor for 30 mins. if temp is still above 38 they call to ask permission to give calpol and ask you to collect. Kids don't get temperatures for no reason. It's because they're unwell and honestly, you'll be hard pushed to find a nursery that has a policy other than this. I get that it is frustrating and it's happened with my two more times than I can count but if you don't agree with it, it's best you find an alternative arrangement.

RandomMess · 13/12/2022 13:09

I guess you could answer the phone and say you are away on a conference or event and DH can't collect until usual time.

I wonder if you start being unavailable to collect easily and quickly they may start selecting other DC to send home regularly on made up excuses.

Winterswomderer · 13/12/2022 13:21

Onestepforwards2back · 13/12/2022 12:56

According to the NHS website 37.7 degrees Celsius isn’t even a fever!

For children it’s not far off to be fair.

op I think you may have this issue at the next nursery. So I’d consider a child minder or a nanny

on a totally separate note I’ve literally never heard anyone say they’ve moved to a ten year house in my life.

PeppermintChoc · 13/12/2022 13:23

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 08:29

@thewayround

By setting the tone I meant that if they call me regards a medical concern I will come but the assessment will happen at the nursery, and if not required to come home she can stay at the nursery. This was highlighted to them especially when as you say what would normally have been an obvious need to attend a&e was dealt with in their reception area.

They've only tried it twice with me with my 3 children passing through their doors now. Conversely other parents are constantly talking about their frustration with well children being sent home with some spurious concern.

If my child had a spilt head I’d take them to a&e then home. Do your children not get temperatures etc - even a neuro surgeon couldn’t fix that with glue in reception.

PeppermintChoc · 13/12/2022 13:24

OP I found a childminder even worse. Not only did I get called because my kids were ill but several times when she was ill. Then had the CM’s holidays to contend with aswell. So many variables.

Kanaloa · 13/12/2022 13:42

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 08:29

@thewayround

By setting the tone I meant that if they call me regards a medical concern I will come but the assessment will happen at the nursery, and if not required to come home she can stay at the nursery. This was highlighted to them especially when as you say what would normally have been an obvious need to attend a&e was dealt with in their reception area.

They've only tried it twice with me with my 3 children passing through their doors now. Conversely other parents are constantly talking about their frustration with well children being sent home with some spurious concern.

But they didn’t send your child home with a ‘spurious concern.’ They called you to attend to a medical emergency. They weren’t ‘trying’ anything. They were following best practice by alerting a parent to an emergency situation.

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 13:55

@Kanaloa
I never said that the head injury was spurious, that was the point!

3 children over past 6 years, last one in final year and attending all through covid yet haven't needed to collect and take home once. As opposed to many other parents making the same complaints that others have made here - sending children home that are absolutely fine running around playing.

If I attended and they had developed an illness, were floppy and not interested in play etc then I would of course take them home, no one would make compliant against that. Its when some staff or nurserys try to send a child home because they sneezed once, the 'didn't quite seem themselves earlier' (now absolutely fine seems very well to parents), or the 'we've taken everyone's temp and theirs was slightly above what they consider normal on a single reading' with no reason to be checking a temp in the first place that's a problem.

Goodgrief82 · 13/12/2022 14:13

Its when some staff or nurserys try to send a child home because they sneezed once, the 'didn't quite seem themselves earlier' (now absolutely fine seems very well to parents), or the 'we've taken everyone's temp and theirs was slightly above what they consider normal on a single reading' with no reason to be checking a temp in the first place that's a problem.

so is that what was happening at your nursery?

Kanaloa · 13/12/2022 14:21

SleepyRich · 13/12/2022 13:55

@Kanaloa
I never said that the head injury was spurious, that was the point!

3 children over past 6 years, last one in final year and attending all through covid yet haven't needed to collect and take home once. As opposed to many other parents making the same complaints that others have made here - sending children home that are absolutely fine running around playing.

If I attended and they had developed an illness, were floppy and not interested in play etc then I would of course take them home, no one would make compliant against that. Its when some staff or nurserys try to send a child home because they sneezed once, the 'didn't quite seem themselves earlier' (now absolutely fine seems very well to parents), or the 'we've taken everyone's temp and theirs was slightly above what they consider normal on a single reading' with no reason to be checking a temp in the first place that's a problem.

Right, but you ‘setting the tone’ by gluing your child’s head in the reception area actually had no link to any of those things. You’ve just been lucky that your kids haven’t become unwell at nursery.

Nobody has tried to send your child home on a spurious complaint. You were called once about an emergency which was attended to. Your kids haven’t become ill outside of that. So your comment doesn’t really relate to op’s concerns.

Kanaloa · 13/12/2022 14:22

However if there’s another story where your child was sent home after ‘sneezing once’ then obviously that would be relevant.

Pinkbananas01 · 13/12/2022 14:25

I think you need to separate your concerns 're school out here & only l9cal advice will probably help make your mind up.
're illness- due to covid it was guidance until this year that calpol should not be adminstered at nurseries/childminders etc as it can mask a temperature. Also not accepting a child who had had calpol at home. Only exceptions being if needed for something specific as in broken arm, not teething as teething gels etc should be used instead.
This has changed in that we can now give calpol if necessary while waiting for parents to collect child. Even if temperature comes down it is stil a sign that something is being fought off by immune system- so you don't get to stay. This is national guidance set by govt - same for all childcarw settings, only answer would be a nanny perhaps.

If you feel staff are sending home without being unwell due to staffing issues then you need to discuss this directly with them.

At the moment advice is that children need to be fully fit to participate in all activities & a low threshold for sending home if off colour in any way - this is due to large now of children unwell than normal dye to low immunity following lockdowns. Nursery has a duty of care towards all the children & part of this is not exposing them unnecessarily to infections & the are following national guidance with this. Yes it's a pain for parents with work issues but priority is the welfare of the children including yours. Again it's not likely to be m7ch different at another setting.

Looneytune253 · 13/12/2022 20:01

@AbreathofFrenchair sorry but you have just made all that up. This might be the policies in your nursery but it's defo not an actual rule with the gov or Ofsted. It's up to the setting to set their own policies. Some will be along the lines you specified but genuinely doesn't have to be.

AbreathofFrenchair · 13/12/2022 20:14

Looneytune253 · 13/12/2022 20:01

@AbreathofFrenchair sorry but you have just made all that up. This might be the policies in your nursery but it's defo not an actual rule with the gov or Ofsted. It's up to the setting to set their own policies. Some will be along the lines you specified but genuinely doesn't have to be.

Utterly bizarre that you think I've made lies up that clearly be found on the Gov page.

Please stop tagging me and accusing me of lying. It's weird.

Stop!!!!

RidingMyBike · 13/12/2022 20:17

Our nursery had a v sensible sickness policy - off for 48 hours for D and/or V but with special measures in place for eg a baby with reflux.

They wouldn't take a child who'd had Calpol before coming to nursery but if they found one had a temperature during the day they would phone to ask permission to give Calpol - if temp wasn't down within an hour you had to collect but at least that meant you had an hour's warning that you might need to leave work.

It worked pretty well. It doesn't have to be an horrendous experience - DD only had 3.5 days off sick from nursery in 4 years and one of those was accident rather than illness.

Looneytune253 · 13/12/2022 21:00

@AbreathofFrenchair this is first time I've tagged you and I can't find something online that isn't there. No idea why you've got so cross but genuinely please show me where it says it online. Genuinely I can't find something that's not there, the easiest way to prove you haven't made it up is to link to it here, however I understand you won't be able to. I'm well versed in the childcare documentation and have studied it A LOT.

Looneytune253 · 13/12/2022 21:03

@AbreathofFrenchair in fact the general rule within nurseries at the moment is NO CALPOL but obv all nurseries are free to make up their own policies so they're not all the same