Nursery’s ridiculous rules

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

I need some advice here because I am at my absolutely lowest I have ever been and feeling immense guilt as a parent.

My DS is 18 months old and we put him in a nursery a year ago because it’s part of a school he can stay at until he’s 18 years old. The staff are wonderful except one individual. Last winter he was very young and was constantly sent home sick despite there being nothing wrong with him. This was a common occurrence and for many other children too. We went with it and just thought he’d build some immunity. It continued and many of us believed that due to being short staffed they were sending kids home at random. Parents started turning up at the nursery with thermometers because they knew the staff were lying.

Nursery refused to administer calpol until this year where the rules were they would administer one dose and if temp didn’t come down they would need to be sent home.

Low and behold he’s sent home every single week with some other excuse as to why he can’t stay. Despite having calpol and his temp coming down and not returning. Last week it was ‘he’s not himself’…

My frustration is that we have literally just moved house into a big 10-year house just to be near this school. There is a local nursery that he could attend for similar price but I was dead set on him attending a nursery that was part of a school he could stay at until he was older. The next nearest one that could take him is 30 mins away and the opposite direction to my work so would be 2 hours every morning I needed to get to the office. The other thing is that I’d probably have to send him back to this school when he turns 3 anyway for pre school before reception at the same school.

My only other option is to get a nanny, which I’m not ruling out I just loved the fact he got to play with so many other children and so often and despite the nursery manager the other staff are so so lovely.

I can’t help feeling immense guilt at the fact we’ve moved house to put him in what we thought was the best place, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

1. There isn't really huge value in being in the same place from 18months to 18 years (not unless there are specific additional needs). In fact, quite the opposite.

1. There is absolutely no reason that having a nanny will result in him not being able to play with other children. This is a common misconception and one that really irks me! There is also an abundance of research showing that one-on-one childcare offers huge value at this age.

I'd look into your other options.

addressed this with the school, never get an answer just get made out to be a difficult parent for wanting my child to attend a nursery I’m paying £1500 a month for.

you clearly already don’t rate the school

so why the heck do you want to have a 18 year relationship with them

You know what? You’re absolutely right. I guess in my head I’d thought the head might leave before he got to secondary so would let it go. The staff are all so lovely and my little one loves them :(

I appreciate this and I agree that I am being very shallow minded and he would probably love a nanny too.

YANBU OP. I agree people here are being harsh.

My gut is to stick it out. You've got a plan for the future that is just how you want it. Surely their staffing issue can't go on forever. You can't argue with a temperature (other than to take your own thermometer as you say), but you can just refuse to go when they say he's not himself. I'm sure that's not in their sickness policy. And/or agree to go and get him but tell them you're not nearby and it'll take some time, then string it out.

Also when you get there to pick up your supposedly sick LO, do a quick head count. In a lot of nursery rooms you can see everyone staff and kids. If the ratios are off then you've got a justifiable complaint for the governors which is nothing to do with whether your kid is sick.

Finally, I know not nice, but keep up the pressure in all these ways and maybe they'll pick someone else's kid to sort out their ratios not yours?!

If he has a temperature he should be home, the calpol response is irrelevant.

Honestly, I’d move him and tell them very directly why. Being sent home every week does not sound reasonable. I’d mention that you’ve been told by one of their people that they’ve been told to send children home (unless it risks her losing her job!)

My DS’s school did this when he was in year 3 so about 7 years old. They kept sending him home for various pathetic reasons like him looking ‘grey’ or him ‘not being himself’. I’d collect him and he was absolutely fine, nothing wrong with him whatsoever. This went on for around a month at least once a week before I had a word with the teacher and pleaded for her not to send him home unless there was something seriously wrong. I explained that I was having to leave work constantly to collect a completely fine child and it just isn’t acceptable. It stopped after that and they never sent him home again.

You need to have strong words with them. A nursery is a business, they need your money to stay open. Tell them you’re considering moving your child to another nursery because of this, I’m sure they’ll rethink.

I appreciate all the comments, good and bad! I need to know whether I am being unreasonable and losing my mind!

I have emailed a complaint last week, still no response just that they would ‘investigate’.

I have had so many conversations with them and all I get is ‘we need to protect our staff’, ‘we have other children to think about’.

My partner has now fully had enough and wants to explore other options immediately, and if I’m honest, I do too.

I think a nanny would be too much money where we live so my only other option is a different nursery and then reassess in a few years time.

The other option as someone said above, stick it out for another 18 months and when they get into school ‘it will be fine’.

I think we need to go and visit some other places locally and see how we feel.

Your options are to find alternative childcare, or sort this out with current nursery.

Could you arrange a meeting to discuss concerns re DC health at nursery. Point out that there’s no underlying issues and he’s fine when home, so is there something untoward in nursery environment - eg heat, ventilation etc? And just ask directly about ratio’s? You don’t want to fall out with them to the point they give you notice, but similarly you don’t want to be a mug!

Get a childminder.
He will get to play with other children.
And they don't send home for ridiculous reasons!
(I'm a cm I only send home if actually poorly)

At this point if they gave me notice I would probably be grateful as they would make the decision for me. And in all honesty I wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

I only have experience of one childminder which was horrendous and haunted me forever! Maybe I should reconsider and try and find another one.

Rules for nurseries are

Calpol if temp 38 or above. If it doesnt come down within the hour, child has to go home. If.temp comes down they can stay but if it goes up again within 4 hours, they have to go home. They can come in the next day but if they get a temp, they have to go home.

Sickness and loose nappies have to be 3 times then home for 48 hours.

If thos is true and a member of staff has told you that they are doing this to reduce numbers then it would suggest they are not meeting ratios, therefore I would be calling Ofsted.

Ofsted will inspect the setting to find out what going on. We had a parent report my nursery for similar and when Ofsted came out, they didn't uphold it as we could show we had ratios covered, this particular child was always ill and on antibiotics or being sick and the parent had got into their head we were lazy and understaffed.

Worst case they temporarily close the nursery till they can meet the requires ratios.

There aren't blanket tules for nurseries, they can have their own policies. You've just made this up.

Then please get my post removed if you think I've posted incorrect information and lies.

Or you could provide evidence for your claim? I also work in early years and have a different threshold for sending home, this may be your nursery's policy but you can't speak for settings that you dont work at!

Oh and you might also want to let the Government and Ofsted know as it's their policies too.

As I said, where is the link to these policies?

My nursery don’t give calpol and my children are being sent home a lot right now but each time they’ve been ill and not just a little out of sorts. I remember one occasion where they rang and said the eldest wasn’t ill, but hadn’t eaten and was just sat in the book corner looking miserable so I went to collect him (they said I didn’t have to). I’d be really annoyed if this was weekly and it wasn’t for a solid reason. I wouldn’t be able to work how are you managing OP? I struggle enough having time off for genuine illness with the kids.

Has your Google broken? I'm not here to do your job so as you are so adamant I am wrong, as well as Ofsted and the Gov pages, why don't YOU show me where it says there is no exclusion period?

My nursery don’t administer calpol full stop and won’t accept a child into the setting if they know they’ve had it.

Are PP meant to Google the absence of something? That’s going to be difficult.

My DS previous nursery used to be a bit like this, although not that extreme but he'd get sent home if he had a spot type thing.
We've recently moved and he's in a new nursery and they have not yet called me about anything. 🤞
We did have an email at the weekend saying due to rises in scarlett fever, children can not attend if they have a fever, cough or runny nose. This is going to be a tough winter for parents as much kids have runny noses during winter. 🙈

AbreathofFrenchair a child has to be sick 3 times to be sent home??? I seriously doubt that!

What?