Nursery’s ridiculous rules

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

I need some advice here because I am at my absolutely lowest I have ever been and feeling immense guilt as a parent.

My DS is 18 months old and we put him in a nursery a year ago because it’s part of a school he can stay at until he’s 18 years old. The staff are wonderful except one individual. Last winter he was very young and was constantly sent home sick despite there being nothing wrong with him. This was a common occurrence and for many other children too. We went with it and just thought he’d build some immunity. It continued and many of us believed that due to being short staffed they were sending kids home at random. Parents started turning up at the nursery with thermometers because they knew the staff were lying.

Nursery refused to administer calpol until this year where the rules were they would administer one dose and if temp didn’t come down they would need to be sent home.

Low and behold he’s sent home every single week with some other excuse as to why he can’t stay. Despite having calpol and his temp coming down and not returning. Last week it was ‘he’s not himself’…

My frustration is that we have literally just moved house into a big 10-year house just to be near this school. There is a local nursery that he could attend for similar price but I was dead set on him attending a nursery that was part of a school he could stay at until he was older. The next nearest one that could take him is 30 mins away and the opposite direction to my work so would be 2 hours every morning I needed to get to the office. The other thing is that I’d probably have to send him back to this school when he turns 3 anyway for pre school before reception at the same school.

My only other option is to get a nanny, which I’m not ruling out I just loved the fact he got to play with so many other children and so often and despite the nursery manager the other staff are so so lovely.

I can’t help feeling immense guilt at the fact we’ve moved house to put him in what we thought was the best place, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

Hire a nanny, that will be much better for all of you. Don't worry about him not mixing with other children, nannies usually build up a network of other nannies and they meet up, go to activities, etc. In any case, your son is still very young.

Well versed? Studied it a lot? Yet you've called me a liar for saying that calpol is given, that children will get sent home if temperatures dont go down and there ar exclusion periods for sickness, loose nappies and antibiotics?!?!

You then go on to post contradictory posts and insist I have to furnish you with evidence?!

Jog on and go and be a wind up merchant elsewhere.

You literally call me a liar in your post then tell me just because my nursery does that, doesnt mean they all do when actually the vast majority of them do that!! I've worked in enough and visited enough and inspected enough to know I'm not a liar and I dont need to prove myself to nobodies on the internet who troll for fun.

Fucking weird behaviour.

Please don't underestimate how quick a childs temperature can rise. The closer it gets to 40 or above and your heading into febrile convulsion.

I'm baffled why people suddenly think calpol isnt given at nurseries and isnt allowed.

A stomach bug which produces loose stools smells wildly different to a teething loose stool. Would you send a child home with one loose nappy, even though its clearly a teething nappy, coupled with teething signs and symptoms?

A loose stool down to a stomach bug comes more frequently than a teething nappy, such as straight after food being the obvious sign. If they are like water and pretty much soak into the nappy, they are generally stomach bugs and will go home after 3, that usually come in quick succession and after food. They would.also have signs and symptoms to go along with it.

And why on earth did you think I meant it was a hard and fast rule and that the nappies have to be 3, regardless of distance in time between them?!

It's all about common sense which is massively lacking on this thread where everything is taken as literal and black and white and calling me a liar. The pplocoes are guidelines and followed as such as all policies and procedures in nurseries are.

I didn't realise people who claim to be right and calling me a liar are so dense they need it breaking down and spoonfed.

@AbreathofFrenchair I can't seem to add a screenshot here but this is copied and pasted from your first post:

Rules for nurseries are

Calpol if temp 38 or above. If it doesnt come down within the hour, child has to go home. If.temp comes down they can stay but if it goes up again within 4 hours, they have to go home. They can come in the next day but if they get a temp, they have to go home.

Sickness and loose nappies have to be 3 times then home for 48 hours.

This is what I'm objecting to. This is not the 'rules for nurseries' at all. All nurseries do it differently and then you tell us to check with google/Ofsted etc. this is absolutely NOT the rules. Some nurseries won't administer calpol or accept children that have been given calpol. Some will give it whenever and play it by ear. There are no hard and fast rules. The sickness thing is absolutely not a rule and in fact I would send home after one sickness episode and when you know the children you can decide about loose stools. There's certainly not a 'rule' about this for nurseries.

Ps you're strangely aggressive so I hope you don't really work with children

I think you are paying the price for being incredibly naive. I’d be very worried that you are going to be labelled as “that parent” and that reputation will be with your child until they are 18. Nurseries at independent schools are often more for parents who don’t work - you are probably better finding a proper childcare setting at this stage. I also would say YABU as it is foolish to make plans for your child until they are 18, who knows what they will be like!

I think you need a childminder.

Nursery is a nightmare for young kids/babies for this reason.

Childminders are so much better (if you find a good one obviously!)

It’ll be a brave childminder to take on this OP!

The nurseries i used to work in wouldn't let us administer meds not prescribed by a gp

OP we had this. We've got twins and an elder DS. Elder DS went to a fancy pants nursery on a lovely estate, was taught (we didn't realise how much they did until now) super table manners, many impressive life skills for a 3yo, gardening on their vegetable patch (it was also a working farm) so polite, excellent vocab, because disposable income wasn't an issue. He was sent home in his 3yrs attendance, a total of once.

DTwins go to a local nursery, much cheaper, high staff turnover and constant juggling of staff members between rooms. And one was being sent home weekly. "Hot" and yet not hot when I'd drop everything to pick him/her up and take the temperature at home. And they'd always try and get me to take the other one who was perfectly fine as well "to save me the journey later" !! It became such a problem that we bought a thermometer and I would turn up and zap said child in front of them and if it read fine I would make a point of saying I had rushed to collect a child for no reason at all, and not take them... obviously I could see the child was fine, I wouldn't leave them if I thought for a moment they were actually ill. Strangely enough, both DC who had these imaginary temperatures on a weekly basis for about three months non stop..
stopped almost overnight.

They knew I was only round the corner. They knew I'd always turn up and take at least one child, no questions asked, but they did this so often, it became clear it wasn't right. They were taking advantage. But we are generally happy with everything else, it's not a patch on DS nursery, but it's also not a patch on the price. But don't get me wrong, even with our 30hrs free childcare, we still pay £650 a month, for 4 part sessions a week, because of the consumables they charge, so it's not exactly a steal.

When they were short staffed last month, they asked me if I could not bring DTwins in for a couple of days to "help them out"!? No, if you need more staff, use an agency, and look into why none of your staff stay for more than 6mths, which would fix all this.

Take your thermometer, OP. Test in front of them. If he's not himself, or a bit sad, or a bit excitable, that's what they're paid to do, look after young children who can be superman one day and Victor Meldrew the next.

Keep records, and take pictures of DC at home, when you've had to collect him, and the temperature he registers and bring it all as a complaint if you have too. The head sounds like a bully, it's not your fault you're the first one who's stood up to this practice.