Mum friends are boring

[Shesaformidableactress]

That sounds really awful I know..and it’s probably me that’s actually boring these days…I just find my mum friends very nice, but really dull. It’s the circle I’m in now and I’m grateful to have them but I don’t feel the same sense of fun or interest when meeting up as I did with my other friends…from school, college, work etc. I’m still in touch with my old friends but they all live far away.
It just feels sort of false and surface level, I feel a bit lonely in these friendships I suppose, does anyone have similar?

Not my experience but fair enough that it’s yours.

YANBU. They're very boring, and the conversations are dread.

But don't expect much support here.

I agree.

You only ever talk about kids, you didn't grow up in the same school or with the same people so you don't really relate on that level either.

I've had 'mum friends' for nearly two years and we've never connected on a deeper level.

Yeah. But you might find one or two who are not as boring as they seem.

I was at a 'play date' once and one of the mums cracked open a bottle of wine and said she was bored of her boring life and would anyone like a big drink. 10 years on we're still friends and have had boring times and fun times.

@StressedOutMama7808 Yes, that’s it…there’s really no deeper level, even if you try to take it there

Depends - I have some mum friends where it’s all surface level and it’s more the kids are friends- and then I have a really close mum friend who take the kids out of it I’d still speak to every day. We chat politics, work, are pre kid life, etc.
I don’t think everyone in our lives needs to be a bestie- take what you get and that’s enough

I think unless you have shared something - an experience, a goal, it’s hard to move forward in a friendship. Chit chat about rashes and homework often doesn’t reach that threshold.

Maybe just not your tribe? I’ve got mum friends it’s very pleasant but surface level and others where we are now proper mates. Within the however many parents there are in your class there may well be someone who you’d love to be proper friends with. Also your friends have friends who might be more able to connect with you. Keep socialising, and it will fall into place I think. PTA might be an avenue? You’re obviously personable and people want to be your friend so it will happen.

They're not really friends though are they? More like acquaintances.

You probably just need new friends who are more on your level.

I hate this idea of just because you’re a mum you can’t have fun. I have pleanty of mum friends who enjoy nights out and kid free days. They’re amazing mums and have very happy children. But they know when and where they deserve to let their hair down.

I equally know people who are not parents who are so dull.

I've had 4 kids and it's very rare for acquaintanceships that start purely because you have kids the same age, to develop into genuine friendships. In all my years of parenting I've only had 2 'proper' friendships develop from mum groups because friendships are built on having more in common than just having kids at the same time.
Also some women just talk about their children constantly, which is dull as shit.

You need a new circle then. When you find your people, they're a great laugh

I understand what you are saying but do you not go to work? I worked part time for a few years and made good friends at work, many of whom had children too but our main topics of conversation were not kids and school. We had nights out to theatre, for meals etc. It was good.

Had I been at home all the time I would have missed out on a lot. I hated the gossipy pavement pow-wows outside school (my in laws did some picking up on days I worked which made life easier); there was nothing wrong with the other parents but I didn't feel comfortable with a lot of them.

Work saved my sanity.

You’ve bad luck OP, I’ve met my best friends through the kid’s school. We do talk about kids and school but a lot else to talk about.

Perhaps take the plunge and ask a couple of the ones you find less dull than the others if they want to go out locally one night? Drink or dinner. Because intesrting chat will not happen at the school gates. In different settings most mums have more to them you just need to work a bit harder. Some folks are lucky and find mum mates that are naturally a bit if a character outgoing and that brings the group to life a bit. My mum group o
in one past school was pretty cool, in my new location I'd say on the surface they feel a lot more conformist/child focussed which is not my scene but there are some more fun/interesting ones in there.

Didn’t have to do any of this because I had a lockdown baby. I wasn’t lonely in the slightest during that first year, just us. Don’t think I missed out on anything...

When my son finally started going to kiddie things, he met a little pal. Me & the mum get along fine, but it’s more about the children. I don’t have any other mum friends.

Apart from my actual friends, who are mums. We still have a laugh & chat about all sorts. And baby / child stuff, too. I have my other mates as well, who have no kids.

I found this too. I suppose that's what can happen when all you have in common is demographic rather than humour, attitudes, values and interests.
Mum groups also have such a bad reputation for fall outs, offence taken etc, I'd imagine people are a bit cautious about revealing too much of themselves, and play it safe with house style (boring) small talk rather than take a risk bringing anything too interesting to the table.

YANBU. I find most of mine really shallow friendships with women who just want another kid to play with theirs. I've just kept up my friendships thatI had pre kids instead, seems to have worked well.

The majority of people aren’t there for anything deeper. They want other women on mat leave to drink flat whites with who they can connect with and talk about baby. So many of them are there at meet ups to have a reason to get out of the house because they’ll go insane otherwise.

They’ll probably have their ‘real friends’ who they’ll have bountiful real chats with.

If you are looking for something more- you’ll need to find another group and try again. I don’t know why you are continuously spending your time with people you find boring. What a waste of mat leave or your time as a SAHM.

I hope you find someone you click with - there are other women who do want to use the baby season of their life to forge friendships.

I remember a play date where I was offered come (I declined). Too old and driving home.

I only spend time 'mum friends' who I think I'd be friends with if I say met them at work. Having children of the same age in common is not a basis for a friendship. But they do say like attracts like, so you have to consider why the interesting mums haven't sought out your friendship :)

I apologise- I assumed you had a baby but you may be talking about mum friends of older kids.

The same logic applies- try hobby groups or fitness clubs and look for people who are just friends. Not ‘mum friends’

I'm struggling with this. I moved to a new area before I had a baby and don't know anyone here. I've been to countless toddler/baby groups/classes etc but not found anyone yet I feel I could be friends with. In all other walks of life, school, uni, work I've always had lots of friends.

I find myself preferring to spend time just me and my toddler, rather than endless dull small talk with someone just because we have children.

I listen in to other mums chatting sometimes and I have no interest in what they're saying. Not because I think I'm better or mote interesting etc, just different.

I haven't found my people or even a person yet.

As my little one gets older and goes to nursery and school and makes friends, I will make every effort to befriend other mums to ensure he has a good social life. I'm hoping I may meet a proper friend or 2 then!

They sound like acquaintances rather than friends?
I have some mum ‘friends’ like this, but also have some that I’ve really connected with and have become proper friends. If it stays at the ‘chatting about kids’ level, I don’t think that’s really a friendship. They’re just people you know.

god yes. I tried ever do hard to get doing with dc’s friends parents but you could not say anything to them they were all so straight and boring. Perhaps it’s best to be when kids are at the centre of things though.