Mum friends are boring

[Shesaformidableactress]

That sounds really awful I know..and it’s probably me that’s actually boring these days…I just find my mum friends very nice, but really dull. It’s the circle I’m in now and I’m grateful to have them but I don’t feel the same sense of fun or interest when meeting up as I did with my other friends…from school, college, work etc. I’m still in touch with my old friends but they all live far away.
It just feels sort of false and surface level, I feel a bit lonely in these friendships I suppose, does anyone have similar?

I do find after 4 kids that even the mums you chat to daily, go on walks with, have play dates with, even go out to the pub and dinner with stopped abruptly when the kids go their separate ways. Enjoy it for what it is but it's not real friendships. Lots of mums are just looking for friendships on convenience which has made me more guarded towards friendships in general.

This hits the nail on the head. I had what I thought was a really good friend at one point, our DSs were best mates, we saw each other all the time. Constant walks, playdates, even went on holiday together. Then our boys started to go their separate ways, put in different classes, interests started to diverge as they got older - suddenly I never saw or heard from her. I bumped into her the other day unexpectedly and it was awkward as fuck!

YANBU OP. It's hard to make good mum friends. I made a couple when I had my first and I'm still in touch with two of them. We met at a breastfeeding support group and we were kindred spirits. Otherwise, nope!

I think people have strange expectations of other mothers .why should they be more interesting to you and close friends than any other group eg colleagues or a Pilates class? I don’t go to the school gates or to toddler groups (I don’t go to these any more) to show off my dazzling wit

What is peanut?

Isn't it just like meeting people at other stages of life (through school, uni, work, hobbies, etc.)? There are some you get on with superficially, a few you can't get on with at all, and a few that you become close to for any number of indefinable reasons.

I agree, but somehow people often seem to expect something of a group of mothers that they don’t expect from other groups

Yes totally understand where you are comming from. Often mum friends are transient friends for periods in your life. Frustratingly at times mum friends talk can revolve heavily around kids which can be dull, though at times can be supportive. Once kids have left school those mum meet ups drift off very often, I still have one group I meet up with from primamry years, but the frequecny has dwindled to a couple of times a year now. I have lost touch with other groups. Enjoy the friendships for what they are, if you are lucky you may make friends for life, if not just accept they are transient friends.

I find it really hard to get beyond acquaintance level. I'm very lonely and would love some proper friends again, as I live too far from my old ones. But I'm scared of losing the ones I have by trying to take it further. I'm worried are politics won't align, or they won't get my sense of humour, and then instead of having a friendly face on the school run, I'll have nobody and be even more lonely. Maybe they feel the same, maybe I should be brave. Or maybe they already have their proper friends and will back away, or won't like the real me beyond the surface stuff. It's surprisingly hard to make friends as an adult. I haven't found the school run or the toddler group to be the place, unfortunately.

YANBU. I only have a couple of 'mum friends', who I got to know through having dc at the same primary school when we moved to the area 8 years ago. They are nice, but we don't have much in common, and conversations are always very mundane and about kids, house stuff etc. Totally different from conversations with my other friends (who, like yours OP, all live a long way away), or with colleagues in my new job, who have much more to say for themselves.

completely relate! My few mum friends are all very nice, but aren't the ones I'd call up in a 3am crisis. That would always be my friend I've had since I was 7 years old.

Quite, but tbf I don't think that was the point of her thread

New friends after a certain age is hard. You’re right that they probably think you’re boring too but new motherhood doesn’t usually lend itself to lots of exciting nights out.

In my oldests year I have really good mum friends from nursery still. And even though they have all gone to different senior schools we still chat daily on whatsapp and have a summer and Christmas meet up, i cant imagine this will stop anytime soon. During covid we helped with deliveries etc.

Second son.. jesus wept the biggest group of vacant, dull, privileged, stuck up lentil weavers Ive ever met.

Not one cracks a smile. Tumbleweeds blow through the group chat when anyone tries to use humour or share a meme. It's a hostile environment and very grabby/boasty. One mum is nice and normal, Feck knows where the rest came from.

If they were my only experience of mum friends I would be so upset.

YANBU

Propelled in to the world of meet ups and playgroups, you are unlikely to click with anyone.

I remained friends with one as she lived 10 doors from me. She was needy, hard work and I called her "Munchausens by Facebook" I finally clicked with one of them when the kids started different primary schools, but we went out for a drink. Still good friends 15 years later.

There was also so much slagging off going on. Or I'd be invited out to park and simply not get on with them. The feeling was mutual.

This was all their first. It was my second with a huge age gap and I was very much older than the group.

Nah, fuck it. Keep going out and about as you normally would.

What was the question?

“This was all their first. It was my second”

this was probably a big part of it. You were at different stages

My mum friends are a million time more interesting and fun than anyone I’ve ever met at work. But I work in a dull profession

My mum friends are my lifeline. I value them so much. But our kids are 10+ we have known eachother for years now and been through alot. Friendships take time.

Ahh the dreaded school mum acquaintances ,they’re not friends. We happen to have kids same age. Fortunately I minimise my contact with them as I find them vapid & shallow in the extreme. Sure I’ll tolerate it for the kids,play date and parties but Christ they are hard work. All they talk about is theirs family,Kids, schools,house prices. Try take it elsewhere books,art,politics and they’re not interested. Air Fryers they’ll yap on for feckin hours. Daft cleaning hacks they’ve got plenty to say. Owt of interest , nadda.

What a shame the whole class of 30 odd mothers don’t appreciate your intellect and interesting conversation potential. Oh well, I’m sure someone else will.

In school, college or work it is COMPLETELY different to meeting someone at a baby group.

You have nothing in common. You don't know any of the same people. Topics are child-focused because that's the setting you're in.

So yes, they can be boring. Not because THEY are boring, it's just hit-or-miss with these things

On the whole I find talking about babies and weaning journies so, so dull. I was shooting for the door after baby sessions because I find talk about babies so boring. Nothing personal, but I know it will always be about babies.

How often do you chat to mums and not even find out their name because their just mum of baby X? It's never anything deeper.

Tell me are you going to remonstrate with other posters who dislike the mum friends
or just me?
Yes they are dull,vapid and boring. Because of their limited range. Fortunately I have minimal contact with them

I don't have any mum friends, part of me really wants some. Part of me agrees with you. It'd be nice to have some mum advice, but then that's what MN is for