Really rude friend!

[EverythingWobbles]

DH and I have invited about 10 couples over on Christmas eve for drinks/nibbles. I sent a text saying that we appreciate it's a busy day and completely understand if they can't make it, but would love if they could find time to pop over whether it be for 10 mins or 2 hours and to just let me know either way. (Sent 2 weeks ago)
Amazingly everyone is coming which is really lovely....but one particular friend (I invited her and hubby) hasn't replied, (yet still liking posts etc on fb and interacting normally so no issues as far as I'm aware).
We really need to know numbers, so dropped her a quick message yesterday saying we are trying to finalise numbers for buffet bits etc, and would be really grateful if she could let me know if they will have chance to pop round (again, explained no pressure and fully understand if busy)
She's read it and not responded again! AIBU to be really annoyed and find it rude?
I don't mind if she can't come, but surely just have the decency to respond! She's been on her phone today as I've seen her online. Do you just find some people ignorant??

I wouldn’t respond straight away to the first text as doesn’t really sound like an invite, just people popping by and I don’t do that

if you’ve asked for a yes or no in your further texts I would reply

Yep. I'd go so far to not let her in if she turned up. Tell her I hadn't catered for her.

No rsvp, no hospitality.

Fucking hell.

If the OP did that it would really undermine the “no pressure!” bit of her confusing invitation.

Do people really order such a specific number of sausage rolls they can’t let their mate in the house if they forget to reply to a “pop in, whatever!” text?

So if your family Christmas routinely involves last minute stuff you can’t get out of, you turn down any other invitations. It’s simple.

Oh balls would you do that! To a friend? On Christmas Eve?

Why do people type such shite

No, I'd have plenty of food.

I wouldn't let her in because she didn't have the decency to reply.

Or thought she could drop in because she had nothing better to do.

She wouldn't be my friend from when she ignored my texts.

Why would someone think they could come to my house and eat my food and drink my drink if they can't even be bothered to reply to my text?

So you’d shut the door in her face if she did turn up.
Sure Jan.

Bit of an extreme reaction OP to delete your whole MN account. But incase you are still reading, YABU

From her perspective you are contradicting yourself. On one hand you are saying it’s an informal get together, next you are saying she needs to RSVP so you know how many sausage rolls to buy. If it’s a pop in, informal event why the stress? Just cater for her to come and if she doesn’t then more for everyone else.

Its not like it’s a sit down dinner where she would be rude for not replying this. A get together as outlined in your original invite then no she isn’t being as rude as you make out she is

I think it's rude not to reply, even if it's to say she can't commit yet. I don't think it's rude not to know what she's doing yet because let's face it Christmas can be quite complicated.
Personally I'd treat a Christmas gathering a bit differently to eg a birthday or anniversary party. Work out a flexible plan for your nibbles so you can keep the nibbles coming without wasting anything

I really don’t understand why you can’t just ring her if you really need a response.

Work out a flexible plan for your nibbles so you can keep the nibbles coming without wasting anything
Little bulldog clip on the bag of Twiglets, sort of thing.

Such an overreaction, she may have already made tentative plans before getting this and is waiting to see of the previous thing is going ahead or not. It's not the same as waiting to see if you have a better offer

See to me this is rude. It's almost saying "I'm waiting to see if I get a better offer"

Misuse? You need to get that stick out of your arse before it does you an injury.

Words have dictionary definitions, they also have colloquial usage. 'Ignorant' has been understood to mean 'discourteous or rude' for as long as I can remember (several decades).

Well OP said
we are trying to finalise numbers for buffet bits etc,
Just keep some extra bits in the freezer, or keep a couple of extra cheeses in the fridge - it's not that hard to juggle this one person unknown quantity. Obviously a lot more difficult if you have a lot of people who are being non-committal.
And yes of course, every bag of twig lets needs a bull dog clip, just in case !

2 people really won't affect your nibbles.

So not texting back to say that is rude

If she's a friend that's good enough to want to spend Christmas Eve with, why can't you just call her and ask her?

I'd message her to tell her I assume she isn't coming and I'd see her around.

If she then turned up on my doorstep, yes, I would turn her away.

I think this is it. While I agree she should have at least messaged back and said “That sounds lovely - Christmas is mad busy, but we’ll come if we can” or similar, you can’t expect someone to treat a “pop in whenever, even if it’s only for ten minutes” invitation like it’s a formal catered event.

You started out with pop by if you can, at short notice and on what you yourself admit is a busy day for most people, but it’s turned into “But it’s only two weeks away, we’ve got to organise catering, we neeeeeed to know!!” If you can’t bung an extra tray of mini quiches in the oven when a couple of stragglers turn up, you can’t really manage a casual party at all.

I did initially think that, but judging by some of the responses people would then be outraged so she's probably just waiting to give a proper answer. All the speculation is probably a waste anyway, OP should just call if its upsetting her this much 🤷‍♀️

Exactly this

OP. There’s no need to cancel your NM registration. For every negative response you’ll have 90 posts agreeing with you.

I very rarely comment on Threads. Those I have recently commented on have been deleted. It’s very annoying!

Like a couple of other posts have said, we don't know what might be happening in this friends life at the moment. She might have a relative seriously ill, or something major going on in her life. Just ring her and ask if you want to know. People who say they'd just shut the door in her face! What a lovely gesture at Christmas ! Goodwill to all and all that. Bah Humbug.