Really rude friend!

[EverythingWobbles]

DH and I have invited about 10 couples over on Christmas eve for drinks/nibbles. I sent a text saying that we appreciate it's a busy day and completely understand if they can't make it, but would love if they could find time to pop over whether it be for 10 mins or 2 hours and to just let me know either way. (Sent 2 weeks ago)
Amazingly everyone is coming which is really lovely....but one particular friend (I invited her and hubby) hasn't replied, (yet still liking posts etc on fb and interacting normally so no issues as far as I'm aware).
We really need to know numbers, so dropped her a quick message yesterday saying we are trying to finalise numbers for buffet bits etc, and would be really grateful if she could let me know if they will have chance to pop round (again, explained no pressure and fully understand if busy)
She's read it and not responded again! AIBU to be really annoyed and find it rude?
I don't mind if she can't come, but surely just have the decency to respond! She's been on her phone today as I've seen her online. Do you just find some people ignorant??

Maybe she feels it is a casual invite as time is open ended . But it is rude if you have repeatedly asked her and she hasn't replies. I can not however understand as how your catering margins are so rigid that two guests , one way or the other are such a huge concern .

Yes it’s rude. I would leave it a couple of days and if she has not come back text and say sorry you can’t come, hope you have a happy Christmas, catch up on the New Year

I don’t think you can do a “no pressure, pop in for 10 mins or two hours, whatever” invitation and expect a confirmed RSVP for strict numbers and catering. It’s either/or. Either you’re breezy and it’s a pop-in situation with plenty of food and drink, or it’s a formal invitation. Your messages suggest the former, so of course she’s not responding – it’s the kind of thing you look at and think “Great, I’ll make a mental note/shove it in the diary in case we’re free” then go on ahead and organise your day regardless.

It sounds pretty casual so I’d assume if I had an invite like that I could just decide on the day depending on how busy I am. I’d let the person know that was my thinking though. The way you’ve said ‘even if you can just pop in for 10 mins…’ makes it sound like a very casual thing, not something you need numbers for so on that basis YABU.

Leave her alone!!

Not only is the breeziness on your invitation clearly untrue (don't worry, ten minutes, whatever!!!!') but you're now chasing her AND have put a post on Mumsnet about it.

You've invited 20 people. Plan for 15 and get on with it. You have no idea what is going on in her world.

Does nobody actually speak to eachother anymore?

Is there a party equivalent of a bridezilla? Just chill and just have a few extra nibbles on stand by if need be.

And you're calling her ignorant - a supposed friend.

You strike me as not actually a very pleasant person at all

yanbu to find her lack of response rude. YABU to pretend you simply must know 2 weeks in advance so you can ensure the correct number of cocktail sausages 🙄

Does it matter much whether its eighteen or twenty guests? If you'd invited two couples and one hadn't responded that's a much bigger issue but you'll surely have enough of everything to cope with +/- 10% won't you?

However I agree yes it is very rude to ignore both message and especially follow up.

I think you’ve been over zealous with the chasing given it is pitched as a casual event, but yes it is fucking rude of her to ignore your messages twice.

Your friend may have thought she'd already messaged you to let you know. The number of times I've thought I've sent a message and it's sat there waiting for me to press send!

does she have kids? Loads of stuff going round- they could be mopping up sick and managing scarlet fever or something. I think ‘really rude and ignorant’ is ott. Sounds like you don’t like or respect her anyway.

I think the problem is you have given very mixed messages. "Pop in if you can "(no pressure!) is very different to "I need you to rsvp so I can finalise numbers". What's the worst that will happen if she doesn't show up? A few extra leftovers. Its not like its a sit down catered dinner party.

Just take it as a no

I would just cater without them. As someone with a husband who hate social events, she may be waiting for him to make his mind up before she commits.

It’s a bit rude not to reply, but you lied about the ‘no pressure’ part!

Yep and it's very rude Op to not say imo

This is a tad unfair. I've text her twice over 3 weeks and no response to either is rude. Even if she just said she'd let me know closer to is fine, but no response to me is a bit off. You sound a delight!

May be things are tricky with her oh who hasn’t decided and she feels she can’t respond until he has, and she would find it awkward saying that to you/is hoping it’ll sort out quickly.

It sounds like a casual invitation to me and probably she doesn't yet know. If everyone else has said they are coming, will an extra 2 people really be a big deal?

OK - maybe she could have come back and say that she doesn't yet know, but as I say, it sounds like a very casual invitation - pop round if you've time- kind of thing, so I don't think it is rude to not yet have replied, the way a firmer invitation would be.

Ignorant means lacking knowledge or awareness. Is that what you meant?

It also means discourteous or rude.

Focus on the positive, everyone else is coming.

Plus you have no idea what she may be dealing with in her personal life.

She's rude and ignorant.

The normal courteous thing to do in this situation is to reply with a yes or no, or explain you don't know yet and give a rough idea of when you will know.

It's not hard.

I would leave it a few more days then say, assume you can't make it, hope you have a good Christmas.

And not invite her to anything again.