Really rude friend!

[EverythingWobbles]

DH and I have invited about 10 couples over on Christmas eve for drinks/nibbles. I sent a text saying that we appreciate it's a busy day and completely understand if they can't make it, but would love if they could find time to pop over whether it be for 10 mins or 2 hours and to just let me know either way. (Sent 2 weeks ago)
Amazingly everyone is coming which is really lovely....but one particular friend (I invited her and hubby) hasn't replied, (yet still liking posts etc on fb and interacting normally so no issues as far as I'm aware).
We really need to know numbers, so dropped her a quick message yesterday saying we are trying to finalise numbers for buffet bits etc, and would be really grateful if she could let me know if they will have chance to pop round (again, explained no pressure and fully understand if busy)
She's read it and not responded again! AIBU to be really annoyed and find it rude?
I don't mind if she can't come, but surely just have the decency to respond! She's been on her phone today as I've seen her online. Do you just find some people ignorant??

I think I'd be double checking that my friend was, indeed, ok rather than taking this personally & slating her on an online forum for being "really rude". Many people are struggling right now, perhaps there's more important things going on in her life that she doesn't want others knowing about. Just a thought.

I have no idea what I'm doing that week before Xmas, especially Xmas Eve, and just won't commit to anything. We committed to lots of stuff last year and ended up poorly, stressed and completely burnt out by Xmas day! Most people I speak to have the same policy this year, especially for Xmas Eve

That is a misuse of the word because, ironically, people are ignorant to what it truly means. You’ll see next to that dictionary definition it says “informal”. It’s another example of the dilution and misuse of our language.

my reaction to your text chasing me - in my head I mean…
oh no, I totally forgot to ask dh if he’s got anything we are supposed to do on Christmas Eve and what time his mum, my mum and bro are arriving that day/night. Right I’ll ask him now, we can then chase those people then I’ll text her back. Oh no the hamster has escaped, kid asks me something. I get distracted, I ask dh he texts his mum, I text my family. I get distracted and forget all about it.
oh look it’s two days later and I’m no further forward with any of that….it’s not deliberate or rude and it’s two weeks away and nibbles. Christmas Eve plans are sometimes complicated, just give her a chance to reply in a couple of days :) I would feel awful for not replying but it could easily happen and I wouldn’t be meaning to be rude.

I am quite a delight, actually, OP.

I care about my friends.

If I invite them to a casual event and actually don't hear from them, my instinct is concern.

Yours is to start a (quite identifying) thread on social media and call her ignorant and rude and ask random strangers to agree with you and slate her.

"no pressure" = not be surprised when (potentially catered for )invitee strolls in...
rsvp is a bit late- cant you just call n ask-declare you actual stressing?

I can't understand people who don't just be honest and say something like

Not sure yet, I will let you know when I can
Need to check other plans we have in the pipeline
Can I let you know that week (if it's an informal no pressure invitation like the OP this is fine just let the host know!)

Just acknowledge the invitation!

It's the silence, complete ignorance, that is rude.

Your friend is bloody rude, but in terms of your planning, two people are neither here nor there. Unless you're doing party bags.

It's only a possible two people, for nibbles when you've clearly said people are welcome even if just for a few minutes, so might not eat anything.

You don't know what she's dealing with so just buy an extra bag of salted peanuts and leave it be.

If she doesn't turn up at all, you never need to invite the rude woman to anything again ever. But otherwise don't worry about it and see what happens.

I really didn't want or ask for an English language lesson 🥱🥱 I'm sure most get the gist of my post without being so precise about my wording. Lord above Mumsnet is not the place it used to be. I'm deleting my account tomorrow. You could post about finding the weather beautiful and bitter women will rip you to shreds on here for any old reason 🤣

Is 'nibbles' on the 'words you hate' thread?

You need to chill out OP or just ring her if you need to know asap. She probably hasn't replied because she doesn't know yet and doesn't want to muck you around. There's still ages, you said no pressure, and it's only nibbles!
Some of the responses here, I can only assume they have no friends in RL

Yeah but then just say exactly that? It is rude to ignore. It takes 30 seconds to text an answer either way and manage some expectations

That’s not how invitations work. You get invited to something when you have nothing booked for that day - you accept if you want to go and decline if you don’t. You don’t stall to see if you get a better option, which is what ‘perhaps she doesn’t know yet’ means. If she doesn’t know, she can do this. Or not. But there’s no excuse for not saying which.

This!^

Saying that you are easy going in your invite is absolutely not the same thing as actually being easy going. And OP, you are not being easy going. Just buy your twiglets closer to the time.

All this ‘not sure what I’m doing then yet’. Why not just be honest and admit you’re waiting for a better offer. Yes OP she’s rude

So @cansu she's waiting for a better offer? She's been invited, it's a yes or no, not 'I'll see how I feel on the day/wait for another offer'. It is VERY rude not to respond.

Oh my goodness, she's not rude, just careless and probably preoccupied. Why can't you cut her some slack? Does it really matter if she comes? As people have pointed out, it's a casual buffet. If she doesn't show up, whoo hoo, more blinis for you. Why do you care so much that she hasn't replied in this very low-stakes situation?

Don’t bother chasing further. If they turn up, say you assumed they weren’t coming as they hadn’t got back to you.

Actually, this is exactly how Christmas works. It is zero to do with ‘better option’ and everything g to do with the moving parts of general family Christmas end of term, end of work, in-law travelling type arrangements.

People who do this are just rude op!! It really annoys me!

Er, no don’t do that. That’s what a twat would do.

Say ‘So lovely you could join us - have some mulled wine’.

Fucking hell. Why be a dick.

She's rude but your invite was weird. No one would think they need to confirm an invite that said 'or just pop in for ten minutes'.

I think the invite is not meant as breezy, but the length of time to stay is breezy.

Of courseit's rude to not acknowledge someone's txt who is asking you a question.
Of course its rude to not just say, "I'm not sure of our plans yet." "Can we be a maybe until we can confirm" or something like that. Or no, we can't make it.

It's just basic manners.

I'd rescind my invitation to someone that told me they can't tell me if they are coming to my event or not because 'they dont know what they are doing'.

Can't get more 'fuck you' than that.

I'd jog them on forever.