Daughter embarrassed by sexual gesture at work

[G00d0mens]

I’m posting as I’m unsure if I have unrealistic expectations of society in general or if I am actually being unreasonable. Mumsnet has been a great help in the past.

Last night I got a text from my daughter to say that she felt very humiliated and wanted to come home (she works in our local pub).

She was shaking a cocktail and saw a manager make a juggling gesture with his hands (clearly a boob related gesture) to some customers who said « Don’t stop » when she stopped. She is a young 18 and has since said she felt very ashamed and angry after what had happened.

I did go down but she was talking to the boss and trying to sort it out and wanted to see out her shift. She was keen to know what actions would be taken as a result. For context, she is on a zero hour contract and worried about losing her job, which she loves in general.

She has gone in today but has said that it isn’t going well. I feel torn as I want to do what she wants but also can’t forget that when I was her age similar had happened to me. Probably to a lot of us? I was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone (thought I would be blamed).

I thought she could take out a grievance if nothing is sorted but wondered as well -AIBU - she works behind a bar and this is to be expected? How sad if it is - I thought we were better as a society.

Advice please - she doesn’t want to lose her job but is also quite upset.

Thanking you all in advance.

Every employee needs know that they are entitled to a work environment free from sexual harassment. Every employee needs training to not sexually harass colleagues.

I think your daughter has nothing to be ashamed by and it is a perfectly reasonable reaction to ge absolutely horrified by this.

I would speak your daughter about what she wants as an outcome. IE. An apology, not to work with that particular manager again etc.

Then, if your daughter is happy to, put it in writing ASAP. Ask your daughter if any other staff member may have witnessed it. The issue is that it might be her word against the managers.

Yoy may not be permitted to accompany your daughter to an formal meetings, but, considering her age and power imbalance, your daughter could request it.

I hate saying it, because your daughter has been discriminated against, which is unlawful as well as disgusting, but walking away is an option. A shit one - but an option.

I'm in agreement that boys need to be educated in this, from an early age. Then, if they do do it, they will not be able to brush it off as "I didn't realise, I was just trying to have a laugh."

No, it’s sexual harassment, end of. She should make an official complaint.

I wish I’d stood up to this type of discrimination when I was her age, but instead I have horrible memories of my body freezing while they got away with it. Doesn’t surprise me it was a bunch of sad, hideous middle-aged men, unfortunately.

Worst advice EVER.

“Just move from the sexist and degrading actions of your manager, daughter, it happens. So what if you feel humiliated and utterly self conscious, boys will be boys.’

Fuck off.

It’s sexual harassment. Pretty sure it’s illegal.

She should complain to the landlord and/or the brewery/pub chain. Big pub chains and breweries have comms directors and HR managers who will a) take this seriously and b) won’t want the knock to their reputation.

The male employee needs disciplining. I hope you/she complain. And she should quit if it’s not a safe working environment. And get her to join a trade union; they have low subs for low waged workers.

Did your DD decide to do anything today?