Everyone is stressed and miserable.

[liloandtitch]

Rewind five years and I would say that my friends and family were a happy group. We had our problems of course, but a good chat putting the world to rights over a bottle of red usually seemed to help.

Right now though my best friend is pregnant, has huge health anxiety and rarely leaves the house.

Another good friend is stressed and burnt out at work, thinking of leaving her partner but has no energy to do anything.

A third I barely hear from, never reads her messages or picks up the phone, she lives the other end of the country so we can’t just pop in to see how she is. I know money was tight for her before cost of living crisis, so I’m guessing she is stressed out.

My sister is off work with stress, she is also gutted house purchase fell through as can no longer afford a mortgage and feels really bleak right now.

My 80year old aunt who used to be such a great giggle went downhill massively during covid and now I think she is probably depressed.

My boss’s son has developed OCD and all sorts of emotional problems so we hear all about that at work.

Nobody is in the mood for celebrating and the Christmas parties, coffees and catch ups that used to happen just aren’t on the cards this year because nobody seems to have the energy, the money or frankly the cheer. I confess, I can’t be bothered either a lot of the time.

Just looking at my own circle, seems like almost everyone is just feeling really down right now. Are others seeing the same?

JoonT
I'm in Essex too and it's just houses everywhere being built and not affordable ones either
My son had to move to another county to afford a place.
The infrastructure is broken , the only ones happy are the builders !

I’m very happy in myself. I WFH and rarely go out except to friends or family for very small gatherings, ideally one to one. And the gym. Covid killed parties and shopping and I don’t miss them!

some of my circle are struggling, certainly, often as a fallout from Covid. But this is where one to one’s help. We discuss stuff, structure problems, spot silver linings, move on. In a group setting it’s competitive misery.

I know things are tough for many, but I don't really feel that in my own personal circle.
I mix with positive upbeat people who work hard to nourish their inner worlds and stay afloat despite circumstances.

i retired just over a year ago, did all my sums and now the cost of living crisis has wrecked all my plans and those plans were even that ambitious, have a holiday, get some decorating done, buy a few bits of furniture. I used to be able to afford lunch out, trips to the cinema and a few treats. Now I sit at home in the cold as have had to more than halve the amount of time I have the heating on. Have been very weepy recently (have a lot of other stuff going on that I don't want to disclose on here) . The state of this country brings me to despair, my heart breaks for young families trying to feed and clothe their kids but also for single people who do seem to get overlooked when the govt is banging on about "hard working families" (who they don't really give a damm about). One of my mates works full time but is so broks now they live in one room and get by eating sandwiches. I would love to help them but no longer have the means. Got friends coming over on Boxing Day and am already panicking about making the house warm and offering them food. Never had these concerns before

I'm happy too, but being superstitious & trying to type with crossed fingers!
I've not had a lucky life, really, without going into detail, so am making the most of this time, as I'm getting older.
I turn the news off if it depresses me, scroll by anything I don't like on FB etc, I smile at strangers, wish my neighbours good morning, basically get back what I give.
I'm older now so don't work - WHAT a blessing. I used to do my 9-5.30pm & come home. I see my grown up kids with CONSTANT work calls, messages etc & see how stressed they are. It's so damn unfair.
I don't have any kids at school any more, I found that HUGELY stressful, especially the ND ones, constant bloody meetings, letters home etc..

I seem to have gone back to my childhood & am delighting in things like visiting the Coca Cola lorry when it visited near where I live the other day.. :-)
Collecting holly & ivy from the woods.. none of them costing a thing. I get EXCITED about fun things, which hasn't been big in my life up to now!

I'm not insensitive though, & have just said a quick prayer for all here who have been bereaved or who are ill, cold, broke, etc.. been through all of them, so I DO understand. Hugs. x

I actually preferred covid times to this. There was a sense of community now just everyone’s poor miserable and freezing their bollocks off, me especially

Ponoka makes excellent points. It is hard, but important to value the good things we have.

I agree too.
I have had many dreadful things happen in my life.
And even now I have situations that I cannot resolve and can't walk away from.
I am a carer for two other adults.
I carry the practical and emotional burden of that- and often that is hard.

But I have learned- with help, with therapy, with learning how our minds work and a huge amount of self compassion to be able to build a core of stability and comfort within myself.
To prioritise my own emotional and physical well being.
To find pleasure in the simplest things.

Today I have learned how to make gift bags from paper paper and glue- thanks to youtube. I am super pleased at the results- the first couple were a little wonky, but I now have that skill cracked. all lined up waiting to be filled.

I refreshed my bird feeder yeterday- first time I have been able in 8 weeks- quite unwell with covid.
I have put out scraps and oatmeal and have been watching robins, finches, bluetits feeding- this cold snap makes it thard for wild birds. I am happy knowing I have filled a few tiny tummies today.
And I am happy because being able to do that task means my health is on the mend. That fills me with optimism and happiness.

Most of all I have learned that if we are waiting until a perfect time when all is well to enjoy life then we will wait a long time.
At any one time we are juggling- the good, the bad, the scary.
Life is always like that. A key is to enjoy those good things- moment by moment.

I know what you mean. My friends are busy, stressed and worried about the cost of living. A lot of my older relatives have deteriorated healthwise. That said, I talked to my 100 year old neighbour yesterday and she's in fine form. Deaf, but still getting about!

Being an immigrant definitely helps to get perspective. I am one and come from a country worse off in some ways, better off in others.... Overall I came here for a reason and I try to hold on to that reason.

Covid aside, it feels like after so many years of austerity there's no slack anymore in public/social service. Government/councils only offering the absolute essentials, and sometimes even barely those.

I moved away from the UK a couple of years ago and my new country is by no means a utopia, but it has made me realise that small things really do make a difference. This weekend, to beat the winter blues, the council organised an event in our local forest. They'd built a fire, supplied hot dogs, marshmallows, hot drinks, there was a santa handing out small gifts to kids... It was just so nice. A nice reason to get out of the house, get some fresh air and have some social interaction. Next week my housing association is organising a mulled wine/hot chocolate get-together for residents too.

Of course neither of these things counter that some people have a really rough time, but I think for many people, these small joys can help counter the 'everything is shit' feeling, at least a bit.

This.

Misery breeds misery

@Alaimo where is that?

My friends with children in their 20s are either having them going off traveling, or looking to work abroad ( if they can )
Dubai is mentioned a lot
A few have older children who are not working at the moment or just doing a few little jobs here and here : there is a definite feeling of what's the point ? I'll never own a home etc
It's so sad really

I'm on the fence tbh. The financial outlook etc is a bit bleak, but I do feel a lot of people don't need much excuse to be pessimistic.

I can see how lockdown was hard but now we can socialise, go to the gym, go for a drink, etc. A think a lot of people would benefit from the mental lift of regular exercise.

Not sure if this helps anyone, but this was in some of the media. Parents could get £35 in supermarket vouchers if they apply.:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11526079/Thousands-parents-35-spend-supermarkets-owed-cash.html

I do believe that a universal basic income will be the norm in ten years time ; it's been spoken about before and there was a trial of it somewhere ( not uk )
I thought they might bring it in over lockdown, but it was furlough instead
Don't know the actual mechanics of it, but I can see it happening.

This is me exactly, I sometimes start crying when I wake up thinking about how I am going to make it through another day. I look back on the pre-Covid and pre-cost of living crisis as some sort of golden age now. Yes, I had a few problems but there was a lightness and a feeling of hope that now seems to have vanished. I don't laugh much these days apart from in a cynical way. Don't know myself these days and all my mates are in a similar mode, we are surviving not living

Isn't this just communism though?

I can't see it working for a lot of jobs as who'd want to spend nine months of the year on an oil rig, for example, when they could earn the same salary in a shop.

Truckerbarbie
True!

Rose tinted specs IMO. I remember people on here saying it was like living in an Orwellian dystopia long before covid came along.

No it’s an allowance so everybody gets 100 quid no matter what you do whether do you go to work on an oil rig whether, you’re a nurse whether you’re a brain surgeon you all have the right to claim 100 quid. lots of people will not. Then additionally you can claim your salary so if you want to go and do a dangerous job I know your rig on the market will pay you 90 grand a year to do so you get your hundred pounds a week allowance and your 90 grand. And you will then of course be taxed accordingly on the 90 grand.

Maybe they just need to massively raise the minimum wage, but I'm not sure how it'd work.

Well, I take back my Pollyanna-ish message because I am going on a much needed holiday on Tuesday and I can't get to the airport because every single train service is on strike. I will join you in that miserable camp.