Should I steer who my DC is friends with?

[Pineappleandhoney]

I am parent of 1 DC who is very good friends with one other child in their school. My DC tends to gear towards having 1 great friend rather than a group of good friends.

Their previous best friend does not live with their birth parents but otherwise seems happy. I do not know the history but I have assumed there were safeguarding issues based on the little I do know. Their best friend prior to their current was a smart young child but I am somewhat certain they do not come from a great household. More than 1 teacher commented that the child used fowl language and distracted my child during lessons (I am sure at times my child did the same). I have observed the other child’s parents they are very scruffy and don’t seem to work despite on on outwardly appearances seeming able.

I AIBU to want my kid to socialise with kids from a similar or better socioeconomic background?

What has been your experience moving from an ok area to a better area with more socially mobile families or vice versa?

I know this in theory sounds bad but I am 100% sure I am not the only parent that has experienced this.
(Ultimately we will likely move to a better catchment area when DC reaches secondary school or internationally with work).

@girlmom21 of course I'm not in charge why are you are replying to a thread that the OP hasn't contributed too other than their original classist horrible and fake AIBU?! It's classic bait questions. Mums net is rife with trolls this week asking questions purely to start crap and people fighting in the comments

So report the thread. Don't troll hunt. It details threads that are genuine.

I'm covered in psoriasis and wear long sleeves and pants daily. I do not have a drug problem.....

My children choose their friends because they like them as people. Seems like a good plan.

YABU - I wouldn’t have concerns about the situation you describe about an adopted child.

However if I’m being honest I also think YANBU in some ways as I’ve been guilty of not encouraging one of my 7yo DD’s friendships (the girl is nice but her 12yo sister is a school refuser, have seen mum and her sharing a vape around town when she’s not in school, mum can frequently be heard swearing about all sorts in the playground - it’s just not the type of behaviour I really want DD exposed to it I can help it). The child herself is perfectly nice from what I’ve seen and I certainly haven’t dissuaded DD from playing with her at school and inviting her to her party etc, but I won’t be encouraging play dates because I don’t want her exposed to the family if I can avoid it. Thankfully they’ve not that close, just part of the same group.

I don’t care if a family is poor in the slightest however, I do care if they appear to be rough or have problematic characteristics/lax parenting/poor hygiene or just generally strike me as the type whose children will adopt unfortunate behaviours and attitudes by example. Of course I do and probably so do most of the pearl clutchers on here they just don’t want to admit it. Your getting a short shrift here OP but I get you.

IMO nothing is as important as a positive peer group - you could find that in any socio-economic group of course - but its absolutely fair for parents to care about it.

Thanks!

To the other PP suggesting I am a troll I can assure you I am not. As with all things and as I have referenced in my previous posts, we all make assumptions. Many of you have judged me based on my OP and assumed I am a snob, vile person and judgemental all of which I am not, ultimately I am concerned about external influences on my child.

I did not state the child not living with their birth parents was adopted. The child 100% needs additional support I know that for fact as they mentioned SS and going to court. I don’t know what they have been exposed to and I am concerned about how that many impact the way they interact with my child (eg abuse, violence, sexual abuse). I don’t think that is unreasonable at all.
The other child parents have a particular look that leads me to believe there may have been a drug history, I provided examples which can be attributed to health conditions and personal dress choices. They clearly can not depict the parents overall appearance but this is my observation. It would be nearly impossible to confirm if someone is drug taker unless you see they consuming first hand.

I am not from a privileged background myself and have witnessed first hand the chaos in friends homes. So wanting to protect my child from that makes me vile and a snob?

The key advice I have taken is to limit the time outside of school if I have concerns, thanks @buckeejit and the others that suggested this as they are frequently asking to hang out outside of school.

Katie Hopkins, is that you?

Of course you can’t control who your DC is friends with and it’s obscene to think otherwise. My DD has a friend who seems nice enough but her Mum does have an odd parenting style like letting her stay off school when she can’t be arsed going in, not using suncream because it’s too expensive and not having a GP which is just weird. I wouldn’t prevent my DD from being friends with her even if she did get DD in trouble once last year which really didn’t thrill me.

This is exactly where I am now, I obviously can’t explain my concerns to my child or expect them to grasp my reservations even if I didn’t lightly touch on it.
All I was looking for was advice from those who have experienced something similar.

‘Sunglasses in blistering heat…’

I’m assuming that heat was caused by the sun? Sunglasses on a hot, sunny day?! Shocking behaviour, must be drugs!

You sound really judgemental, OP. Let your child be friends with who they like.

More than 1 teacher commented that the child used fowl language

Did they call your child a cock while flipping the bird? If so, their attitude is going to come home to roost(er).

I AIBU to want my kid to socialise with kids from a similar or better socioeconomic background?

yes! YABVU