Just found this out. Holidays/ family.

[Nomchan]

I've just found out that my parents paid for my brother and sisters family holidays.

My parents went with them, separate holidays. My sister has 2 kids. And my brother has 3. They paid for everything except spending money.

I guess I'm jealous and annoyed at the imbalance. I haven't been on holiday in 4 years due to finances. Siblings are both single parents (brother not main caregiver though)

We are all in similar financial situations so it's not like I'm well off and they aren't.

I know I'm not entitled to anything at the end of the day but feeling a bit miffed about it.

The secrecy too. Parents never mentioned it. Neither did siblings. Felt like a secret I've been kept out of?

My parents have sold their holiday home and will be getting the money soon so part of me is wondering if I'll be offered the same once they have that?

Though I know it's rude of me to think that, but can't help it.

How did you find out, if everyone is keeping it secret?

Kind of them to do that for your single parent siblings, but not telling you is just sneaky and underhanded.

Did you go on holiday with your parents?

My mum let slip that sis wants to go again next year but would struggle to save, I said well she managed this year and mum said 'oh no your dad and I covered that' , and then spluttered and stuttered for a few seconds before saying that she paid for brothers too (holidays were both early this year). Then went into detail that they did save their own spending money and paid for kids passports themselves.

I just said oh that nice of you.

Then subject changed.

That does seem mean

Well, now your mum has told you, and obviously seemed a bit embarrassed by it, then hopefully they’ll think to treat you too.

You could, though, have said ‘Oh, that was nice of you. I’ll look forward to my turn then, eh, Mum?’ in a lighthearted way and waited to see what she would say.

I just said oh that nice of you.

thats weird. Why wouldnt you question it?

Why didn’t you question it when your mum told you?

Id have chewed my mother out if I was told that

I would assume it's because your parents wanted to take their grandchildren on holiday, and they would have done the same for you if you had children. That doesn't make it any pleasanter to feel left out and deceived, though. They should have done something nice for you, too, to be fair.

Because Im a walkover of course.

I have 3 children!

Only difference on the surface is I have a partner and they don't. So maybe they thought they couldn't take the kids away alone as single parents?

Do you have children?

Sorry, I missed that! That does make it worse...

I dont think that is being a walkover. Nobody asked you to do anything.

Would you want your parents to pay for you to go on holiday with them?

Wow op that's terrible. In the past my ils took sil's dc away. Even when she had 6 they rotated her dc. Had no time or energy for our 3 though.

No excuse when your dps have 3 dc and treat only 2 of them.
I would be backing away and taking my dc with me.

Unless there's something you're not telling us that would make your parents feel you and your kids are undeserving of the same treatment, I think they are being completely out of order. You treat your kids the same. I'd be tempted to call them out. Ask them where they're taking you, so you've got time to save up and get passports sorted. mind you after discovering this, i wouldn't want to go.

It's the parity though. Give two of your kids say a grand each and not think about doing something similar for the third? Doesn't have to be a holiday (though the op says they've not gone away so how the parents thought that was fair I don't know)

They must know it's fucked up because otherwise why the big secret.

To be honest it's the fact the entire family has been keeping secrets from the op for years would make me step back from this.

Sorry op. Sounds utterly shit.

I don’t know. I’ve been away with my parents, and they haven’t gone with my sister and her kids. I have no other adult to keep me company/help with childcare. My sister has a husband who does. She doesn’t begrudge that support. I’m not sure I would if roles were reversed. It really is harder when you are alone.

That's really horrible. Of course they can do what they want with their money, but they should have been honest and transparent with you about it. They probably spent quite a bit on each holiday. That sets up a nasty dynamic where your family are keeping secrets from you. I'd hate that.

I'd talk to her and your siblings, tell them how you feel, ask if they can stop keeping secrets from you.

What's your relationship with them all like generally?

From another point of view;the first time my friend went on holiday alone as a single parent she hated it;she said it was a lonely experience especially in the evenings after the kids were in bed.

It wouldn't be the cost, even if it was £5k each for Disney...it would be the secrecy that would piss me off.
At least you now know where you stand, OP.
Separate from them. If your parents need help, they can buy it in or get your Bro/Sis to do it.

As they're both single parents, that's probably why. Have you ever asked your parents to go on holiday with them?

YANBU to feel upset. I guess maybe that they feel they'd be "gate crashing" your holiday with your partner and family whereas they feel more comfortable going with your single siblings? Or maybe they think you're better off than you actually are? Do they like your husband?